11 Months-- Hold Me

I'm choosing not to dwell on the fact that my baby is almost 1. Instead, I'm just enjoying the squishy and delightful baby that he is. Because he is still a baby right now. 

Isaac is WALKING. And I don't just mean he's taking a few steps here and there. I mean, he's walking. He walks, and when he falls down, he stands back up to resume the walking. His preferred mode of transportation is walking. So, it's just a matter of time before those thighs thin out and firm up. Insert: tears. 

Isaac is still very much a Mama's boy. He still has a hard time being left in the nursery. He'll regularly come up to me to hold my hair and suck his thumb almost as if to recharge his Mama battery. He did AMAZING when we left him overnight with my parents. We were all a little nervous he'd struggle, but for those 24 hours, "out of sight, out of mind" was actually true. 

Isaac has been a champion of an eater. He ate fistfuls of asparagus. What? He does, however, not eat Chick-fil-a enthusiastically, which has been really tough. I know that he'll eventually come around, but how could one of my children not love Chick-fil-a?? It just doesn't seem possible. 

Isaac has 6 teeth right now. It doesn't look like any more are coming down anytime soon. And for the record, his eyes are still very, very blue. 

This precious boy is almost 1. I can hardly believe it. Last Easter I was very pregnant and hoping to be pregnant for at least another week. Being a family of 4 seems so normal now, that it's crazy that a year ago Isaac wasn't even here with us on the outside. I'm so glad we have this boy in our lives. He's the sweetest baby and perfect addition to our family. 

That Time I Thought I'd Write More

Back in January, when people naturally evaluate things to change for the upcoming year, I thought to myself, "I really, really want to commit to writing more." And not because I have an audience demanding it (hardly), but because I think it's so valuable for me. I never vocalized this thought, and I'm really glad I didn't. Because I have been 0% successful. 

There have been many, many times when I've had stuff rolling around in my head and heart, and I knew that writing would help. But when nap time comes around, it's a lot easier to use those 2 hours for folding laundry uninterrupted, working out uninterrupted, showering uninterrupted, or reading a magazine uninterrupted. Notice a theme? 

And now I'm at this point where I think I've forgotten how to write a post that actually pulls all of my thoughts together instead of random tidbits that can't seem to intersect. Because if there's one post I can nail, it's a monthly update post about my babies. 

But in these first nearly 4 months of 2016, there has been a lot of wrestling for the Tomberlins, this one especially. Adam and I decided we would watch less Netflix, read more together, and spend time in the quiet instead of always assuming that the hours after the boys go to bed would be spent "unwinding" from the day by doing mindless things. I'm all about balance here, peeps. We still watch The Office at least once a week! And it is March Madness.

All that to say, there's been extra time to sit and discuss the struggle. We read You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan. I've been reading through The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. (We're about to start The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.) And we've talked ourselves in circles time and time again about these issues that keep popping up for us. 

Adam and I have been discussing for over a year off and on, but definitely ON lately, about what it looks like to be faithful with the Gospel. What does it look like to "associate with the lowly (Romans 12:16)" and "pour yourself out for the hungry (Isaiah 58:10), and be a "doer of the word (James 1:22)" right here, right now in this stage of life? Are we making disciples right now? Is my life proclaiming the Kingdom? 

It's been tough and heavy and frustrating to talk through this. We started our house hunt in June/July of 2015. When we hit January with mounting discouragement and confusion about the process, we really started reevaluating a lot. We started wondering if maybe we needed to be strategic about where we positioned ourselves. If Jesus cares so much about the poor, could we potentially move into a very low-income neighborhood? Should we put Clarkston back on the table? We sought out wise counsel to help us work through the tensions we'd been experiencing as we felt very convicted reading through the Chans' book.

Conversation after conversation only built up more frustration for me. I feel strongly about "the least of these," and the message I kept getting from ladies ahead of me was this: the season you're in- raising young children- is just that, a season. I still didn't feel like that's a good enough answer, so I found myself feeling more and more isolated in this tension I was feeling. Motherhood can be isolating in itself, the last thing I wanted was an extra measure of it. 

It didn't look like Adam was going to be eager to do the whole low income neighborhood thing, but he was definitely open to it. We drove to the poorest part of Roswell to see the government funded housing, and we just prayed on the street, asking God for some direction. We felt lost. We had all of this tension but we had no sense of what to do with it. 

And so it brought me to a place of surrender that looked a lot like this- God, I feel so stuck and confused, and I can't hear you right now!! I can't discern what this next step of life should look like. I want my life to be used for Your glory, even if it doesn't look like moving into poverty like I envision it should. So, I give up (layman's terms for 'surrender'). 

And then a house came on the market in the neighborhood we loved on our very first day of looking at houses back in July. So now we prepare to move to a nice, mostly well-off neighborhood into a house that I really am very excited to make our own. But I don't know how long it will be before I face the same tensions Adam and I have been wrestling through for months. We are determined to steward this house well and be intentional with our neighbors. And I am trusting that as I keep my hands and heart open before the Lord, He is more than capable of speaking to us and using us right where we are. And I can't help but believe that everything that's been brewing is for a purpose. God is working something out in us, even if I can't see the whole picture yet. 

But this felt like something I needed to write down to remember. So I can look back one day and see how God was using this time to refine us and make us look to Him. 

Looking Back

My memory is not what it used to be, and I worry what's going to happen in a few years. So, I keep wanting to make sure I write down the memories that I don't want to forget. Even though what I'll probably end up remembering is the written down version. It's better than nothing. 

Adam and I are well suited for each other for several reasons. We love being outside. We both like to eat. I love to bake, and Adam loves dessert. I really love to laugh, and Adam feels really loved when people find him funny. I am genuinely perplexed by couples who don't laugh a lot (and don't care if they do or don't) because that is all I know. 

When Adam and I were dating and engaged in Seattle together, we were just so happy to be living near each other that those months prior to marriage were really sweet and really fun. Sometimes we would get out of the car at a store and one of us would yell, "Race you," and we'd immediately take off in a sprint to the front door. Adam would often run in a very dramatic fashion, and I would always end up in a fit of laughter by the time we reached the front of the store. Looking back on those times, I'm really glad that people often thought I was a teenager because that behavior seems more acceptable from kids. Nonetheless, I love remembering those days of being so happy to do anything together. 

We spent hours that first summer together at parks playing frisbee. Summers in Seattle were absolute perfection. Going to the plethora of parks was free entertainment. Playing in those open fields barefoot was pretty much my picture perfect day. We had all the time in the world and no money. I'm so, so thankful for that glorious summer when I was on summer break and Adam didn't have a job yet. 

As we are about to head into yet another March Madness, I look back with such great fondness on our first married March Madness. Adam didn't have a job. We didn't have tv. I can't remember if we even had reliable internet at this point. But it was the SEC tournament, and we couldn't access the game however we normally watched games (had to have been poor internet). So, Adam and I got up early Saturday morning, being that we were on the West Coast, and we found a sports bar that was open for breakfast who put the game on for us. We stayed there for the whole game, eating breakfast and cheering on the Cats. The next morning it was the same situation, and we found ourselves in our comfy clothes back at the same bar cheering on the Cats. This time there were a few other UK fans in there for the championship game. 

Anytime I reference those mornings at the sports bar Adam always laughs and asks why I loved those mornings so much. And I can't really say why. That March is what got me really sucked into Kentucky basketball, and there was just something special about major splurging on two back to back breakfasts out to cheer on the Cats because we couldn't get the game on TV. It really is the simple things in life that leave an impression. 

We saw the sweetest elderly couple at Chick-fil-a tonight. They sat in the booth behind us. We watched them walk in. The man was carrying his wife's oxygen tank and being so attentive to her as they found a place to sit. They gushed over our boys and interacted with us off and on during the whole meal. It was absolutely heart melting to watch the two of them together. Adam and I joked that we could so easily see us coming to Chick-Fil-A together even when we were on oxygen. 

And as I kept watching them as they walked out to the car, I looked at my man with confidence that I had chosen well. I don't doubt for a second that if God gives Adam and I that many years together we'll be laughing with our oxygen in tow. And it was a gentle reminder that this marriage we've got is a beautiful thing, and it's an opportunity to invite people into the Gospel message. Oh that we would love each other so well that people could see Jesus in us! 

Some days I wish Adam and I had more time before embarking on this amazing, sanctifying, exhausting journey of parenthood. But I am filled to overflowing with gratefulness that Adam is mine, and I am his. And I treasure the times we've shared together, and I can only hope for millions more.