One And a Half?

Isaac Dean,

You're one and a half now, and somehow, this feels harder than when you turned 1. The second time around, I knew that fresh one year olds were still very much babies. And, to put it quite plainly, you were a Momma's boy. So, though still a big milestone, it was gentle.

But now. Now I feel my baby slipping away from me. I see you moving more and more into toddlerhood and farther and farther away from babyhood. Praise the Lord your thighs are still quite squishy! But last Thursday, as you, me and Nolan went upstairs to brush teeth, you walked up them. You held onto the wall and walked up the stairs. You didn't crawl. And I just stared at you. With a little bit of sadness in my heart.

I generally try to embrace the growing up. Because there's lots of fun with the new stages. The past 6 months you have been irresistible to your dad and me. So, I can acknowledge that we could be headed for more and more cuteness with you. But I know the disciplining is coming. And so, I just want to pause in this sweetness knowing it has an expiration date. 

You still lay that sweet head of yours on my shoulder. You still prefer to suck your thumb while holding my hair. You still call out for Mama when I simply go upstairs to do something. But I know that one time, it will be the last time you do these things. But I won't know to cherish it. Like the whole the stairs thing. 

Over the weekend we went to celebrate Alee's birthday, and on Saturday night you woke up at 2 in the morning (very, very rare from you, sir) calling out for me. After off and on whimpering from you, I just laid you on my chest in my bed, and you slept soundly the rest of the night. Here's the thing. It wasn't comfortable for me- at all. My back was aching. I needed to readjust. You were putting your little foot in a really weird spot on my knee, and I didn't like it. 

But I just savored every bit of it. 

I wasn't doing much sleeping, so I tried to memorize and store up the feeling of you snuggled into me sound asleep. Because it was magical. 

Isaac, I adore you and love you and enjoy you. You are a delight, usually. I don't want to freeze time necessarily, but I love this stage of you. Your giggle and voice are the best! When you lift your eyebrows and make your Oh! face, I'm done. You're just the cutest. I love you, sweet boy. At any moment now I know you could switch your allegiance to Daddy. So, each day that you love your Mama so fiercely is a gift!

You are a treasure, Isaac. I love you so much!

Love,

Mama

I Chose Well

Adam and I went on a 4 night trip to celebrate our 5 year anniversary that's coming up in December. The thing about December is 1. it's already crazy with all of the holiday mayhem and 2. our kids are far more likely to be sick and disrupt our celebratory plans. We know this because the last 2 years their sickness ruined changed the plans we made. 

We decided to do a road trip to Waco, Tx instead of a cruise to the Bahamas. And let me just say, we picked the right trip!! Hello, Hurricane Matthew. That plan would've been a disaster. 

Adam and I decided that the road trip was going to provide more of the quality time that we wanted. Laid back. No urgency to see any sights. Our own schedule. And the Hampton Inn. Win, win, win, win. 

I shed a few tears the day before we left, but for the most part, my anxiety about leaving my boys was quite mild. And once we pulled out of the driveway, there was very little anxious thinking at all. I had full confidence in the grandparent situations. And I was really needing a break.

I really can't put words to the giddy feeling I had for most of the trip. Spending so much uninterrupted time with Adam was so fun, so refreshing, and so needed. Not quite 5 years into marriage, and we're still in the "life is so much more fun together" stage. I'm not sure what I expected marriage to be like at this point, but it wasn't this.

But I'm oh so grateful that this is where we are right now. I'm thankful that we've chosen to embrace each other's differences that could drive us crazy (ok, ok, sometimes they do drive us crazy). I'm thankful that we try to not take things too seriously. We laugh so much and genuinely enjoy being together. I'm thankful for who Adam is as a man and as my husband. I'm thankful that we have real conversations about our crap, our dreams, our fears, and our learnings. 

Being away with just Adam made me want to be go away more often. Of course I love and adore my children, but I also know that one of the most loving things I can do for them is to prioritize my marriage. 

We got a lot of puzzled looks when we said we were driving to Waco for our anniversary. But, I would do it all over again. I hope I can hold onto how great those 5 days were for a long time. Also, we ate In-n-Out twice in less than 24 hours, and it just felt right. I love that Adam was so on board with that idea.

The fact that our story exists is such a testimony to God's grace in our lives. As the years go by, I'm more and more grateful to God for this man. 

I chose well, people. I chose well.