One And a Half?

Isaac Dean,

You're one and a half now, and somehow, this feels harder than when you turned 1. The second time around, I knew that fresh one year olds were still very much babies. And, to put it quite plainly, you were a Momma's boy. So, though still a big milestone, it was gentle.

But now. Now I feel my baby slipping away from me. I see you moving more and more into toddlerhood and farther and farther away from babyhood. Praise the Lord your thighs are still quite squishy! But last Thursday, as you, me and Nolan went upstairs to brush teeth, you walked up them. You held onto the wall and walked up the stairs. You didn't crawl. And I just stared at you. With a little bit of sadness in my heart.

I generally try to embrace the growing up. Because there's lots of fun with the new stages. The past 6 months you have been irresistible to your dad and me. So, I can acknowledge that we could be headed for more and more cuteness with you. But I know the disciplining is coming. And so, I just want to pause in this sweetness knowing it has an expiration date. 

You still lay that sweet head of yours on my shoulder. You still prefer to suck your thumb while holding my hair. You still call out for Mama when I simply go upstairs to do something. But I know that one time, it will be the last time you do these things. But I won't know to cherish it. Like the whole the stairs thing. 

Over the weekend we went to celebrate Alee's birthday, and on Saturday night you woke up at 2 in the morning (very, very rare from you, sir) calling out for me. After off and on whimpering from you, I just laid you on my chest in my bed, and you slept soundly the rest of the night. Here's the thing. It wasn't comfortable for me- at all. My back was aching. I needed to readjust. You were putting your little foot in a really weird spot on my knee, and I didn't like it. 

But I just savored every bit of it. 

I wasn't doing much sleeping, so I tried to memorize and store up the feeling of you snuggled into me sound asleep. Because it was magical. 

Isaac, I adore you and love you and enjoy you. You are a delight, usually. I don't want to freeze time necessarily, but I love this stage of you. Your giggle and voice are the best! When you lift your eyebrows and make your Oh! face, I'm done. You're just the cutest. I love you, sweet boy. At any moment now I know you could switch your allegiance to Daddy. So, each day that you love your Mama so fiercely is a gift!

You are a treasure, Isaac. I love you so much!

Love,

Mama