Just Writing It Down

I decided that I needed to make it a priority this weekend to get one on one time with my boys. We've had some big changes with Sammy coming to live with us and Nolan off to school, so though it takes a lot of thought and effort and manipulating of time to make these little dates happen, they are always worth it.

Let it be known that when Nolan goes on a date with me, he requests that I wear a dress and "look pretty." I think that means put make-up and earrings on. Basically- do this for real, Mama! 

So, at 10:30 this morning, I put a dress and earrings on, a quick swoosh of mascara and got my biggest boy into the van to head out.

We went to North Point Mall to go on the carousal. Nolan always wants to do this with me as a date, but it's 30 minutes away. So, we're looking at an hour of just travel time. But this time, I obliged. As we walked hand in hand through the mall, his little thumb was stroking my hand back and forth, just like I do to him. It was heart melting. As soon as we got off the carousal, he looked up at me and asked for another special thing to do on our date.

We walked back through the mall, and drove to the Barnes & Noble for some Starbucks and bookstore time. He ate a donut. We read several books together. I loved every second of my time with him. He never once whined. He never asked to buy anything. He was basically the most perfect version of himself, you know, that's just how dates go, right?! 

We headed home, and he sits in the back row of the van. So, I could easily look in my rear view mirror to see him. He caught me looking at him one time and he said, "I really liked doing those special things with you. Thank you for taking me on the merry go round and for my donut and for reading all those books." 

Cue the tears.

I choked them back and told him how much I loved our special time together and that being his mom is my favorite thing. 

Nolan started school on Thursday and that combined with his total sweetness, I could've dissolved into a puddle. Gosh, that kid can make me crazy. He can be so stubborn and defiant and exhaustingly anxious. But, he's also got a sweet, tender heart that loves me despite all of my mommy shortcomings. 

Time seems like a luxury I rarely fully appreciate. It's tricky and cruel at times, too. Some days I feel like time is crawling, and then I also frequently get to Saturday wondering, "How is this week already over?"

Because of the rapid rate in which my children change, it seems like it's constantly thrust in my face that this is childhood of theirs is so fleeting. So, I wanted to take the time when I should be writing thank you notes or making a dish for the potluck tomorrow to write this all down. I want to remember this time with Nolan that was too short but a gift nonetheless. 

I wish I had an iPhone on days like today, so I could take actual pictures of his sweet, perfect face as he looked down at me from the white tiger on the carousal, making sure I was still watching, still touching his leg as he went up and down. I wish we could've snapped a selfie of us sharing the tiniest bench in the kids section at the bookstore, as we read book after book after book. Or the look on his face as he finished his whole big donut with glee. But, the mental pictures will have to do. If I could relive that date with him each Saturday, I absolutely would do that. 

Oh, my precious Nolan. That little boy made me Mama, and for that I'll always be thankful. 

Nolan's first, first day of school!