My Nolan

Dear Nolan,

Happy Birthday, Buddy! You are seven years old. We kept joking that we weren't sure we were going to let you have a birthday this year, that we might just have to wait until next year. To which, of course, you were deeply disturbed by and had zero sense of humor about at all. Turns out, we couldn't stop you from turning seven, so I might as well embrace the change. 

Nolan, one of the greatest joys of this past year has definitely been watching you be a big brother to Elliana. You take such delight in her and care for her so well. I think it's highly unusual for a boy your age to be so aware of a baby sibling. You are protective and nurturing, kind and tender. But you are also big time fun for her. She often rewards you with squeals and giggles for all of your nonsense. She lights up when she sees you, and it's precious to watch your relationship with her grow. I hope you always have a special bond with her. I know you will always be important to her, and I hope she's always important to you. 

You showed us you are quite a good student. You have an inclination for reading and memorizing that will hopefully serve you well in the school years to come. Your mind really does seem like its a steel trap. Playing memory with you is so hard!! It's remarkable how good you are at that game! It's also a little infuriating for your brother. 

Bud, it feels like big changes are coming for you this year. I'm not going to sugar coat it: I'm nervous. When I think about all of the things I'm nervous about, it mostly boils down to the fact that I so badly want to protect you. And I know that I can't always do that. But I'm going to work really hard to keep home a place you want to be. A place you look forward to. You'll be going to school all day now, and it feels like the final chapter of the "little years" has closed. And while I love seeing you grow and change and become a bigger version of you, it also feels overwhelming. The job of shepherding you seems to get harder, not easier. I continue to pray that you see God's grace in all of the gaps, all of my shortcomings. 

You are a cool kid, Nolan. You definitely drive me crazy sometimes. You are stubborn and argumentative, but you also have a firm belief in right and wrong. As you get older, I can see how this could be used in so many redemptive ways. Your drive to get things right will serve you well down the road. In the meantime, we battle it out pretty regularly. I wish I was joking. 

I love you, Nolan. You made me a Momma 7 years ago. You are an easy person to celebrate, and I'm so glad you were born.

I love you. I like you. I enjoy you. And I'm proud of you. 

Happy Birthday, Noles!

Love,
Mommy 

7 Years Old

I'm not sure how it's possible, but that kid turned 7 years old! Seven! He's got 3 teeth missing, and two that are wiggly. CLEARLY he's a big kid. 

This past year Nolan started and completed kindergarten (though the completion part is a technicality thanks to COVID-19). He had an AMAZING kindergarten teacher! All year long I was so thankful he got to be in her class. She adored Nolan, and he really thrived in her class. He learned to read, and he's pretty good at it. He unfortunately had me as his teacher for the final quarter of school, but we made it through. 

Nolan's big brother skills expanded when Elliana came into the world. And honestly, he's just a really, really good brother to her. He's really good at entertaining her when I need him to, and he dotes on her like she's the cutest thing in the world (she is!!). One time we were at a park, and I laid Elliana on a blanket while I started throwing the football to the boys. Elliana couldn't crawl yet, so she was just on the blanket. A little boy was kind of close to her, and Nolan said with a protective tone to his voice, "Watch out for my sister!" When the little boy was out of ear shot, I told Nolan that I really appreciated his proactive efforts to protect his baby sister. 

Nolan is still very interested in nature and animals. He loves looking at books about animals and watching documentaries. He has spent several hours during quarantine looking for lizards in our backyard. He is very much still fascinated by animals. He really is like a sponge, soaking up all the facts and knowledge he can. 

This past year, Nolan developed a love for fishing. He really, really enjoys all things fishing. He likes talking about the bait he needs to use. He likes telling the same fishing stories over and over. He likes catching worms in the backyard to use as live bait. He has no problems being patient when it comes to this one area of life. He does, however, like to demand silence. It drives him CRAZY when Isaac or his cousins are loud while he's trying to fish. This is something Adam certainly hopes they can do together as the years go by. 

Nolan is seven years old and starting first grade at our local elementary school next week. It doesn't seem possible that this kid is old enough to ride a bus. It feels like this is a big transition year for us as a family, and in so many ways, I don't feel ready. I'm sometimes thankful this pandemic hit when it did because I got to keep my kids home when they were little. Yes, there were PLENTY of times I had to resist the urge to run away, but there were also PLENTY of times that I was very aware that I was given the gift of time. I don't feel cut out to be this kid's teacher at all, so though sending him off to school makes me nervous, I do deep down hope that he's able to keep going to school this fall. Most days I doubt my ability to be a good enough mom for him, but I'm glad we had extra time before he starts what I keep calling "real school." 

Alright, Nolan. 7 years old. Let's do this!

11 Months

Just 6 days late this time. I approve of both the tardiness and the improvement from last month. 

I do feel like this little bean is no longer a tiny peanut. She seemed so petite to me for so long, but really, this girl has some squish on her. I'm sure when I go to the pediatrician next month for her 1 year old (what?) well check, they will tell me she's in the 25th percentile for weight. But whatever. She sure does feel squishy, and I love it. 

Oh my gosh, she is irresistible right now. While showing no signs of walking, she sure does love to stand up all the time. Oddly enough, I have yet to find her standing in her crib, but surely it's coming soon. She does still sleep in a sleep sack, so that might make it to tricky to stand up, but the boys sure did figure it out. I can only assume she will, too. She's also figured out clapping (that was a couple of months ago but worth nothing), saying "buh bye" when it's time to sleep, signing "all done" and "more," and giving kisses. Now, she is quite stingy with the kisses, so you feel really special when she leans in. 

Elliana got to go to the beach for the first time with my side of the family. A full week of a full house and constant people to interact with- she was a fan! She did great by the water, really enjoyed sitting where the water comes up. It was still quite chilly, so we didn't take her out in it. But we were pleased with how content she was to be in the sand. Of course, she ate it some, and turns out, she did NOT like that. 

These two. Elliana doesn't know it, but she basically can do no wrong in her Daddy's eyes right now. Adam often calls her "my princess," and he's super protective of her. Which, he should be, but I'm also all for babies figuring some things out the hard way. Adam always does Elliana's bath if he's home, and he genuinely loves the time with just her. He is an excellent dad to her, and I'm so thankful she has him. 

I just can't put words to what a joy bringer this baby girl is. She is for sure the family favorite (our Tomberlin 5 family, that is). The boys still take such delight in her, and she in them. She is a gift! She still loves dogs, walks outside, watching the boys do pretty much anything, MY HAIR, her pacis, being in the midst of the activity, and being tickled and played rough with. She does not like her eczema that I've never mentioned but is so annoying, bottles (all the eye rolling), not being allowed to go where she wants to go, and honestly, that's pretty much it. She's a dream! 

Oh man, this picture gets me in the feels. Her little hand on my leg, looking up at me as we swing on the porch swing at the lake. Done. Melted. Putty. There are so many things to be said about this girl and the unbelievable gift and blessing she is to me. I can't believe I get to be her mom. I still can't believe sometimes how much she loves me and wants to be with me (I know I experienced this with my boys, but I sure did forget the love of a baby for their Mama). I often wonder if I'm enjoying her more than I did her brothers, but when I go back and read things I wrote about them at this age, I hear the love oozing and dripping with each word then, too. What feels different this time around is how much closer I'm leaning in to the moments. How undeserving I am of this gift of joy and grace, and I cherish her. At night when I'm rocking her before bed, sometimes she will fall asleep with her head on my shoulder, and there are nights I allow myself the luxury of just holding her as long as I want. The weight of her tiny frame relaxed into mine, the rhythmic breathing, the little but firm grip she has on my hair, all of it feels like a gift. Her flapping arms in the morning when I come to get her for the day. The way her face lights up just when I enter the room. Her hurried crawl to get to me. I am so deeply grateful for her life. It's almost been a full year of Elliana Joy. What a healing force she's been in my life!