To My Daughter

 My Elliana Joy,

I don't even know where to begin. There's so many words that I could say to you as I reflect on your first year of life and ponder all that you are and all that I hope for you. I don't have the raw writing gift that my siblings do to be able to eloquently sum up all the things in a polished little note. And honestly, that feels appropriate. The beauty that you are and the sacredness that this year has been can't fit here. 

You are an immeasurable gift to our family. The little girl we never knew we needed. I was fully prepared and excited to move forward in life with all boys- it felt right and good for our family. But you. You came, and now I can't fathom this family without a little sister. You evoke tenderness from all of us, and we can't help but oh and ah over you. Your daddy and I feel so blessed that we get to have you as our daughter. 

You won't ever be able to fully understand the circumstances in which you came to be, but let me tell you, Boo, we walked through some valleys and darkness and heartache and sorrows that at times felt so overwhelming and consuming. Though we longed to be full of hope week after week after week of you in my belly, our hearts were weary and hesitant. Over and over we asked God for faith in every area we lacked and begged God that His will for us was your LIFE bringing Him glory. We limped towards your arrival last year.

But oh my goodness. Elliana. You were and are so much more than we ever asked for. 

You have filled our lives and our home with such laughter and such delight. There has been no such thing as a small milestone over here. The first smile, the first time you rolled, the first time you babbled, the first time you picked your head up- all of it was met with celebration and thrill. You were the star of the show this year, baby girl. We never tired of you, even for a moment. 

You took the longest to sleep through the night, and I remember telling your dad, "I don't even care." And I meant it. Having your little self settle into its most peaceful state while in my arms, I craved it. 

You, my only daughter, are the most beautiful and precious girl I've ever laid eyes on. I look into your dark brown eyes, trace your soft but full cheeks and marvel at your beauty. I consider it such an honor that you will call me Momma. Elliana, you are a joy I didn't deserve but will for all of my days be so grateful that God entrusted you into our care. 

I love you, Elliana Joy. 

Love,

Momma

Elliana Joy- 12 Months

 My thought has been...if you don't do the 12 months post, then it's like it didn't happen. 

But it DID happen. Elliana turned 1 whole year on August 5th. And what a year it was! The night before both of my other babies turned 1, I held them and cried a little bit. Not this time. I did hold her, and I held her for a while. But there nothing but deep gratitude for her first year. 

Notice the blurry image. I took probably 10 pictures, and she was entirely still for zero of them. This girl is squirmy and busy and has no chill about laying on the floor to take pictures with Minnie. She's right at 20 pounds, and I don't remember how many inches. But her percentage has come down on height and gone up for weight. She's completely "average" by the statistics, and 100% perfect in our eyes. 

My snuggle bug loves to lay her head on soft things. I know I just said she's busy, and she is. But she'll lay her head on soft blankets here and there. Homegirl is still taking 2 naps a day, but I know that will change before I know it. She sleeps close to 12 hours at night, but sometimes she wakes up early to chat and then goes back to sleep. She likes to sleep on her tummy with her arms tucked under her, and her booty slightly in the air. She's the cutest. 

Feeding her still stresses me out. I can realize a little before lunch or dinner that I haven't planned out what she'll eat, and it shoots a little bit of anxiety through me. She likes to eat pasta, bananas, blueberries, avocado, broccoli, pancakes, muffins, ground beef, and then a lot of things are hit or miss. One day she love veggie chili, and then the next time I make it she turns her head. Literally. She just looks away. I was feeling like I at least had a firm grasp on her allergies, and then she started reacting to things that were leaving me clueless. She keeps me on my toes. 

Elliana LOVES to be outside. She'll grunt and move her body towards the door until you take her there. And then she'll cry if you say she can't go outside. She likes to swing and be on the trampoline with the boys. She enjoys looking at birds and LOVES dogs. I think because the boys are outside so much, she just wants to be where they are and not miss out on any fun. 

The boys have not wavered in their affection towards their sister. They continue to adore her and think she's the best baby in the whole wide world. And she loves them, too. She is often blocked from their play space to protect her, but she always is scheming to get where they are. They play sweet and tender, but they also are rough. They drag her by the feet on the trampoline. They head butt her, pretending to be animals. They set up cushions on the floor to push her over. These are the big brothers I want for her. It has filled me beyond measure to watch the boys want to be around her and to see her eyes light up when they walk into a room. When it was Elliana's birthday, and I got Nolan from the bus stop. He hadn't seen in her yet, and he asked excitedly, "Does she look bigger today now that she's one?" It made me smile. 

Elliana Joy Tomberlin- God's answer to our pleading. I am profoundly grateful for her life and the ways she wrecked us with her little tiny self.