An Altar of Remembrance

 I'm choosing to write this down to be a reminder to me of God's kindness.

Thursday was Isaac's birthday. Now, we love birthdays. I, especially, love celebrating my people's birthdays! Isaac's birthdays have not been ideal the last couple of years. When he turned 4, Nolan was sick with a virus that was super weird and to put it plainly, people didn't want to be around him. Thankfully, my brother's kids were in town and DID come. That was the redemption piece. His 5th birthday we were are the very beginning of the pandemic, and we were still under shelter in place orders. He did end up having a great day, but it was still not ideal. This year, this was his year! 

I had struggled big time to figure out a plan to celebrate Isaac, include family, somehow make him feel like he's having a party, all while still being really cautious about Covid. My brain hurt trying to figure it out and thinking through all of the possibilities and how to make everyone happy. We had a plan though.

Thursday didn't go quite to plan. And being the awesome kid Isaac is, he seemed to just roll with the punches. I, however, was not feeling so great about things. I really felt like Isaac deserved some birthday wins after his past experiences. But I admittedly felt defeated and discouraged after putting that 6 year old down for bed. 

We had our eyes on Saturday, which was going to be the cousin sleepover AND impromptu party because he invited the neighborhood kids to join in. Saturday's forecast was truly miserable. His birthday requests were: water balloons, jumping on the trampoline while Daddy sprayed them with the hose, and playing the Wii with his cousins. We were forecasted to get storms, possibly severe, all day Saturday. Literally a storm cloud was on the hourly forecast every hour from 6am-10pm. I had a pit in my stomach thinking about what this would do to his grand plans.

Friday I was working on his cake, and I dropped one of the layers straight out of the oven. Because it was so hot, it fell apart immediately upon impact of the floor. There was no salvaging it. At all. I was going to have to make another layer to replace that one. On my way to the store to gather a few additional ingredients, I began praying and crying. I've been rather tender and emotional lately, bruised being a good description. And I was praying honestly about nothing pertaining to Isaac's birthday. But then I began to ask for a couple of hours of no rain for my boy. My request was admittedly weak and felt unimportant. But I just asked God for some mercy and kindness towards both me and Isaac and to please give us a few hours in the afternoon/evening without rain. 

But I confess that in the midst of me asking, I felt almost immediate guilt for asking for God to change the weather when the state of the world is quite abysmal. It felt selfish. And short sighted. And I almost apologized for even asking, but I didn't. Because I really did believe God could stop the rain, and I knew Scripture said to cast ALL of our cares upon Him. Birthday weather included. 

Saturday morning we woke up to rain. Soccer got canceled. The forecast had not changed. But Isaac and I had already said we would pray the rain away, and we meant it. 

By late morning, the forecast DID start to change. The percentages dropped for the afternoon and evening. When I picked up my nephew at 3:30, there was even some sunshine breaking through the clouds. And for the duration of Isaac's party, there was not a drop of rain that fell from the sky. Water balloons and jumping on the trampoline with the hose and BONUS! total and complete mud fight amongst the 5 boys! 

All of Isaac's birthday requests came to fruition on Saturday and Sunday (cousins spent the night). I couldn't believe it, but also, I could. This was exactly the workings of a God who is in pursuit of His daughter. I have confidence Isaac and I would have figured out a way to make an indoor birthday party fun, but I'm profoundly grateful that we didn't have to. I tearfully told Adam about my feeble request on Friday afternoon, and what it did to my heart Saturday to see my birthday boy living up his best birthday! 

A part of me wanting to rationalize what just happened- the weather people- they rarely get it right, it seems. It probably was going to be clear anyways. But I made myself stop. God heard me. I'm choosing to believe that. I'm choosing to believe God's Father's heart, which is perfect, loves me and Isaac in a way that my love for Isaac doesn't even hold a candle to it. I'm choosing to believe.

And I'm choosing to build an altar. I will put a rock of remembrance here. I will remember the day I barely had the faith to ask, and God heard my cries for an afternoon without rain.