11 Months-- Hold Me

I'm choosing not to dwell on the fact that my baby is almost 1. Instead, I'm just enjoying the squishy and delightful baby that he is. Because he is still a baby right now. 

Isaac is WALKING. And I don't just mean he's taking a few steps here and there. I mean, he's walking. He walks, and when he falls down, he stands back up to resume the walking. His preferred mode of transportation is walking. So, it's just a matter of time before those thighs thin out and firm up. Insert: tears. 

Isaac is still very much a Mama's boy. He still has a hard time being left in the nursery. He'll regularly come up to me to hold my hair and suck his thumb almost as if to recharge his Mama battery. He did AMAZING when we left him overnight with my parents. We were all a little nervous he'd struggle, but for those 24 hours, "out of sight, out of mind" was actually true. 

Isaac has been a champion of an eater. He ate fistfuls of asparagus. What? He does, however, not eat Chick-fil-a enthusiastically, which has been really tough. I know that he'll eventually come around, but how could one of my children not love Chick-fil-a?? It just doesn't seem possible. 

Isaac has 6 teeth right now. It doesn't look like any more are coming down anytime soon. And for the record, his eyes are still very, very blue. 

This precious boy is almost 1. I can hardly believe it. Last Easter I was very pregnant and hoping to be pregnant for at least another week. Being a family of 4 seems so normal now, that it's crazy that a year ago Isaac wasn't even here with us on the outside. I'm so glad we have this boy in our lives. He's the sweetest baby and perfect addition to our family. 

That Time I Thought I'd Write More

Back in January, when people naturally evaluate things to change for the upcoming year, I thought to myself, "I really, really want to commit to writing more." And not because I have an audience demanding it (hardly), but because I think it's so valuable for me. I never vocalized this thought, and I'm really glad I didn't. Because I have been 0% successful. 

There have been many, many times when I've had stuff rolling around in my head and heart, and I knew that writing would help. But when nap time comes around, it's a lot easier to use those 2 hours for folding laundry uninterrupted, working out uninterrupted, showering uninterrupted, or reading a magazine uninterrupted. Notice a theme? 

And now I'm at this point where I think I've forgotten how to write a post that actually pulls all of my thoughts together instead of random tidbits that can't seem to intersect. Because if there's one post I can nail, it's a monthly update post about my babies. 

But in these first nearly 4 months of 2016, there has been a lot of wrestling for the Tomberlins, this one especially. Adam and I decided we would watch less Netflix, read more together, and spend time in the quiet instead of always assuming that the hours after the boys go to bed would be spent "unwinding" from the day by doing mindless things. I'm all about balance here, peeps. We still watch The Office at least once a week! And it is March Madness.

All that to say, there's been extra time to sit and discuss the struggle. We read You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan. I've been reading through The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. (We're about to start The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.) And we've talked ourselves in circles time and time again about these issues that keep popping up for us. 

Adam and I have been discussing for over a year off and on, but definitely ON lately, about what it looks like to be faithful with the Gospel. What does it look like to "associate with the lowly (Romans 12:16)" and "pour yourself out for the hungry (Isaiah 58:10), and be a "doer of the word (James 1:22)" right here, right now in this stage of life? Are we making disciples right now? Is my life proclaiming the Kingdom? 

It's been tough and heavy and frustrating to talk through this. We started our house hunt in June/July of 2015. When we hit January with mounting discouragement and confusion about the process, we really started reevaluating a lot. We started wondering if maybe we needed to be strategic about where we positioned ourselves. If Jesus cares so much about the poor, could we potentially move into a very low-income neighborhood? Should we put Clarkston back on the table? We sought out wise counsel to help us work through the tensions we'd been experiencing as we felt very convicted reading through the Chans' book.

Conversation after conversation only built up more frustration for me. I feel strongly about "the least of these," and the message I kept getting from ladies ahead of me was this: the season you're in- raising young children- is just that, a season. I still didn't feel like that's a good enough answer, so I found myself feeling more and more isolated in this tension I was feeling. Motherhood can be isolating in itself, the last thing I wanted was an extra measure of it. 

It didn't look like Adam was going to be eager to do the whole low income neighborhood thing, but he was definitely open to it. We drove to the poorest part of Roswell to see the government funded housing, and we just prayed on the street, asking God for some direction. We felt lost. We had all of this tension but we had no sense of what to do with it. 

And so it brought me to a place of surrender that looked a lot like this- God, I feel so stuck and confused, and I can't hear you right now!! I can't discern what this next step of life should look like. I want my life to be used for Your glory, even if it doesn't look like moving into poverty like I envision it should. So, I give up (layman's terms for 'surrender'). 

And then a house came on the market in the neighborhood we loved on our very first day of looking at houses back in July. So now we prepare to move to a nice, mostly well-off neighborhood into a house that I really am very excited to make our own. But I don't know how long it will be before I face the same tensions Adam and I have been wrestling through for months. We are determined to steward this house well and be intentional with our neighbors. And I am trusting that as I keep my hands and heart open before the Lord, He is more than capable of speaking to us and using us right where we are. And I can't help but believe that everything that's been brewing is for a purpose. God is working something out in us, even if I can't see the whole picture yet. 

But this felt like something I needed to write down to remember. So I can look back one day and see how God was using this time to refine us and make us look to Him. 

Looking Back

My memory is not what it used to be, and I worry what's going to happen in a few years. So, I keep wanting to make sure I write down the memories that I don't want to forget. Even though what I'll probably end up remembering is the written down version. It's better than nothing. 

Adam and I are well suited for each other for several reasons. We love being outside. We both like to eat. I love to bake, and Adam loves dessert. I really love to laugh, and Adam feels really loved when people find him funny. I am genuinely perplexed by couples who don't laugh a lot (and don't care if they do or don't) because that is all I know. 

When Adam and I were dating and engaged in Seattle together, we were just so happy to be living near each other that those months prior to marriage were really sweet and really fun. Sometimes we would get out of the car at a store and one of us would yell, "Race you," and we'd immediately take off in a sprint to the front door. Adam would often run in a very dramatic fashion, and I would always end up in a fit of laughter by the time we reached the front of the store. Looking back on those times, I'm really glad that people often thought I was a teenager because that behavior seems more acceptable from kids. Nonetheless, I love remembering those days of being so happy to do anything together. 

We spent hours that first summer together at parks playing frisbee. Summers in Seattle were absolute perfection. Going to the plethora of parks was free entertainment. Playing in those open fields barefoot was pretty much my picture perfect day. We had all the time in the world and no money. I'm so, so thankful for that glorious summer when I was on summer break and Adam didn't have a job yet. 

As we are about to head into yet another March Madness, I look back with such great fondness on our first married March Madness. Adam didn't have a job. We didn't have tv. I can't remember if we even had reliable internet at this point. But it was the SEC tournament, and we couldn't access the game however we normally watched games (had to have been poor internet). So, Adam and I got up early Saturday morning, being that we were on the West Coast, and we found a sports bar that was open for breakfast who put the game on for us. We stayed there for the whole game, eating breakfast and cheering on the Cats. The next morning it was the same situation, and we found ourselves in our comfy clothes back at the same bar cheering on the Cats. This time there were a few other UK fans in there for the championship game. 

Anytime I reference those mornings at the sports bar Adam always laughs and asks why I loved those mornings so much. And I can't really say why. That March is what got me really sucked into Kentucky basketball, and there was just something special about major splurging on two back to back breakfasts out to cheer on the Cats because we couldn't get the game on TV. It really is the simple things in life that leave an impression. 

We saw the sweetest elderly couple at Chick-fil-a tonight. They sat in the booth behind us. We watched them walk in. The man was carrying his wife's oxygen tank and being so attentive to her as they found a place to sit. They gushed over our boys and interacted with us off and on during the whole meal. It was absolutely heart melting to watch the two of them together. Adam and I joked that we could so easily see us coming to Chick-Fil-A together even when we were on oxygen. 

And as I kept watching them as they walked out to the car, I looked at my man with confidence that I had chosen well. I don't doubt for a second that if God gives Adam and I that many years together we'll be laughing with our oxygen in tow. And it was a gentle reminder that this marriage we've got is a beautiful thing, and it's an opportunity to invite people into the Gospel message. Oh that we would love each other so well that people could see Jesus in us! 

Some days I wish Adam and I had more time before embarking on this amazing, sanctifying, exhausting journey of parenthood. But I am filled to overflowing with gratefulness that Adam is mine, and I am his. And I treasure the times we've shared together, and I can only hope for millions more.  

T E N months

We're on a very fast downhill sprint towards this little boy's first birthday, and I just can't handle it. I'm not one to say, "Where has the time gone?" But in this instance, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? It seems like a few weeks ago we were wrestling through the decision of whether I should be induced or not. And now this. Now my baby is speed crawling towards toddlerhood. 

Isaac is currently hardcore fighting his afternoon nap. He's got 3 (maybe 4) teeth coming in all at the same time, and it's made for some hard times for him. He's truly handled it like a champ. He hasn't wanted to eat as ferociously as he normally does, and he's wanted a little bit more of Mommy (read: a lot more). But I've been quite pleased with his pain tolerance at this point. 

Isaac is standing on his own and often. He likes to stand up and just clap for himself. I mean, who doesn't need a good standing ovation every once in a while? 

Isaac had his first hotdog this month, and he's a fan!! He's tried lots of new foods, and he's been pretty easy-going about the process. I'm ready to introduce peanut butter as recommended by the pediatrician. But I'm nervous about it, just like I was with Nolan. Isaac has eaten scrambled egg, and that's a huge win in my book. 

This little guy has NOT been a fan of being left in the church nursery. He's doing better, but this past Sunday when Adam walked down the hall towards his room he started crying. Made me sad. I left Nolan a lot more frequently than I've left Isaac, since I was coaching during his first 8 months of life. Isaac has a lot of Mama time, and he's not complaining about it. 

Isaac has started to get the concept of cleaning up the cars, and he verrrry slowly helps put cars in the tote, and it might be the cutest thing ever. 

Other cute Isaac-isms: sucking his thumb to the side while he holds my hair, his expressive little eyebrows which he raises quite frequently, and his naked booty crawl towards the tub as soon as we take his clothes off. 

Not so cute Isaac-isms: he's started dropping food of his tray at the table, he talk/yells very loudly when he's not pleased with the speed in which he's being fed, and in the last week or so he's started getting up at 7 instead of 7:30, but honestly- I don't think I can even complain about that. 

One thing I really, really love and cherish about my babies is their soft and squishy thighs. I love them. LOVE them. But as I've mentioned before, you can't really do much to capture that piece of babyhood. Pictures and videos are great, but I want to always remember how these soft baby thighs felt in my hands. I've been having Isaac go pantless a lot more frequently, so I can enjoy his full and soft thighs before they becoming walking/running/jumping legs. 

I'm all kinds of mushy for my baby boy these days. 

9 Months

This happy boy is 9 months old. I've said this numerous times in Isaac's life, but I love this stage in babyhood. 

Isaac is still a big fan of the bath. At 7 each night, Isaac can really start unraveling, but when you put him in the bath-- this happens! All smiles. He somehow just completely loses the sleepy sadness, and he becomes so happy all over again. 

Isaac had his first Christmas. He could not have cared less. As previously mentioned, Isaac had a pretty rough Christmas Eve, but Christmas day was fine because he was kept comfortable with Motrin and Tylenol. 

Isaac really loved the Christmas tree, and he really, really loved going for that sock monkey ornament whenever he could. My parents got him that ornament, and it was like he knew it was his. 

Isaac has started to prefer eating whatever we're eating. That's a nice cornbread mess he made. He's eaten Chick-fil-a nuggets, meatballs, hamburger, cooked celery and carrots, pancakes, black/kidney/white beans, strawberries, bananas, toast, and probably a lot more that I can't remember. And Isaac has officially started to get HANGRY. When he wants to eat, he wants to eat immediately!

Isaac is pulling himself up on everything he can. But he often stands on his toes like above pictured. He's starting to take less and less tumbles, too. Which is nice!

This is Isaac's preferred way to suck his thumb. Thumb in mouth, my hair in his other hand. Sometimes he even tries to grab my hair and accompany it with his thumb. That's not my favorite. 

Isaac has gotten 2 teeth. The pediatrician thinks his top teeth will be dropping in any day. Sarcastic yay! 

Isaac has started to show that he really loves me. And I mean that by the fact that he prefers I hold him. He likes to be near me even if we're all just playing on the ground. He's not quite to the status of a koala baby, but some days he's close. He'll come crawl up to me while I'm sitting down and just lay his head in my lap while he sucks his thumb. It's pretty sweet. 

I've been feeling pretty mushy for this little guy. A family I know up in North Carolina at my brother's church has walked the unfathomable road of losing one of their children. Their precious little girl, Sarah, was born just a week before Isaac. She was born with an incomplete heart, and that precious baby fought for a tough 9 months. But she died this past week. It's been heart wrenching to follow their journey. I've cried and cried for this family's loss, for that Mama who held her daughter's body as she left earth for heaven, for the reality that we live in a broken world where babies die of unhealthy hearts. It's been overwhelming at times. So I've held my Isaac a little tighter, a little longer (as much as the squirmster will allow). I've taken more pictures of the boys. I'm well aware that I have 2 healthy children in my home, and they are gifts. 

It's been a tough week for me as I've pleaded to God to save Sarah. He chose not to heal her on this side of Heaven. But as I hold Isaac before each nap and bedtime, I humbly thank Him for entrusting this baby into my care. Because I know he's not mine. He ultimately belongs to Jesus, and this week has been a good reminder to love my boys well while I have them. 

A Letter To My Dad On His Birthday

I know I'm going to struggle to get this worded the way I want. Not because the sentiment is hard to scrounge up but because my kids melt my brain a little bit (a lot bit today). 

When I thought about what to get you for your birthday, I couldn't come up with much. I mean, I'd love to gift you and Mom a trip to Ireland. Or the opportunity to throw a pitch at Turner Field. Or a machine that automatically makes you your favorite bagel in the morning. But as great as all of those ideas are, I couldn't make any of them happen. 

But I'm going to give it my best to wish you a great happy birthday in this lame letter.

For the past 2.5 years, I've watched you through a new set of eyes. I've seen you be Abuelo to Anthony's kids, but now you're Abuelo to my kids. It's a special thing to sit in this spot of mine. To watch you love my boys, delight in them, it's something I try to not take for granted. 

So, when I see you walking with Nolan along the pond, throwing rock after rock after rock with him. I take a mental picture (and a real one). Not because it's an extraordinary moment, but because it's so ordinary and so normal for you. If Nolan asks, the answer is probably, "YES!" 

Or when you get in your bathing suit to sit with him in the plastic blue kiddie pool, I notice. I feel loved for the ways you eagerly and happily spend time with Nolan. Again, I take the mental picture and a real one. So one day I'll show Nolan his naked booty and say, "Look at Abuelo! He was 'swimming' in that pool with you just to be with you." Because that's kind of just who you are. 

You bring that little boy blueberries and strawberries just because you know he loves them.

You buy the cereal that I casually mention is too expensive just because you know Nolan loves them. 

You stop by after work, hoping to arrive at just the right time post nap. Because you just want to see him.

The list could go on and on and on. 

And while your generosity is probably extra amped up for your grandkids, this is just a snapshot of who you are. You see a need and silently fill it, not needing recognition. Often times, even giving in secret. You give out of the abundance, and you give when it hurts. Because you know the Giver and honor His generosity in your own life. 

You value people. You especially value your people, but you value individuals. You know each person has a story, and you take opportunities to be present in those stories. 

You are such a hardworking and humble man. I remember watching you walk around the parking lot of your store, picking up garbage. There were two employees in the dining room that could have done that, but you didn't even hesitate to go out there. Because you lead by example and consider yourself part of the team. You are a picture of servant leadership. And the best servant leaders don't teach it, they live it. You live it. 

You live it out at home, too. I have to be quick to beat you to the sink to clean up after a big family meal. Even on Christmas day, I had to get my bossy voice to get you to stop cleaning up. Maybe you find it to be cathartic. Maybe you have a hard time sitting still. Or maybe you just like to be very sure that Mom isn't the one cleaning up after she's cooked. 

You are a man of integrity. You are steadfast even in a storm. You are loyal and faithful. You respect authority. You keep your mouth shut when it'd be easy to not (in the right circumstances). You speak Truth. Loudly. You invest in the people around you, and it seems to come naturally. 

A few times in the last year I've thought to myself, "Gosh! I'm so lucky to have him as my dad!" Like when you had probably 100 people (most of whom I don't know)  praying for me as Isaac's delivery got closer and closer. I probably don't want to know the mass texts that went out in April, but I know I had an army praying on my behalf. 

Thank you. 

Thank you for loving me and my family the way you do. Thank you for leading, serving, and giving the way you do. I am challenged to be better at all of those things. 

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I'm grateful to call you my dad and to watch you be Abuelo to Nolan and Isaac. In all of this world, I wouldn't pick anyone else for the job. 

You are one of God's best gifts in my life. I hope you get a good gift this year! 

Love,

Marissa

My Christmas Wish

Like with Nolan's first Christmas (he was 5 months), all I really wanted for this Christmas was to be able to hold Isaac on my chest while he slept. Isaac is even less of a cuddler than Nolan was at his first Christmas. I ended up getting my Christmas wish with Nolan because he slept HORRIBLY the entire time we were home for the holidays. I got my Christmas wish answered 9 nights in a row. I even got to wake up on Christmas morning with my baby asleep on my chest. It was magical.

This year I had my doubts that this would be possible because Isaac hasn't slept on me without a baby carrier since he was 2 months old. He just doesn't do it. 

But Christmas miracles do happen!

On Christmas Eve day we were at my parents' house, so I could make cookies with the girls. Isaac got put down for his morning nap, and he woke up about 20-30 minutes after he fell asleep. That kid never does that anymore. He sleeps 2 hours almost like clockwork at his morning nap. I should've been concerned at this point, but honestly, I was just annoyed. He was so unhappy once he was awake, and he only wanted me to hold him. Even then he was fussy. Again, all clues that something was up.

We eventually hustled home, so I could get Isaac down for a real nap. He went to sleep again for maybe 20 minutes before waking up mad. At this point, I finally clued in that something was probably up.  I had given him tylenol before his nap, but it was clearly not helping. 

Sweet Isaac Dean was not feeling good. He had a fever, and he was just plain miserable. He only wanted Mommy, and he didn't want to move. 

While I was hating the fact that my boy was clearly in pain, Isaac settled his self into my chest and stayed there for basically 5 hours. There was a quick trip to a doctor's house to see if we had an ear infection on our hands, but other than that, in my arms, on my chest for 5 hours. 

Oh, and the thumb! I sat on the couch or in the rocker snuggled up with Isaac all afternoon. I got my Christmas wish! I wanted him to feel better, but I wanted to hold him for forever. I'm trying to come up with the right words to express the perfection that was holding Isaac, but I can't. 

Is that pitiful or what?

I write this just so I can come back and remember how it felt to have my baby completely relaxed and as close to me as possible. My body actually ached for him the next day. I just wanted to do it all over again. Without the fever and obvious pain. 

Mimi got some of the sleepy snuggles Christmas Eve night too. There is nothing so precious as a sleeping baby. 

And don't worry. The next day he was kept completely comfortable with a combination of Motrin and Tylenol. He had a Merry First Christmas. And I'll be holding onto my Christmas gift for as long as I can remember.