Hi ho. Hi ho.

It's off to work I go.

Being home for a week and on vacation at the beach for a week really set me up for a rough transition back to work!

I was truly thankful to be back in Seattle, but then the very next day I returned to work. Real tears came out of my eyes as I prayed with Adam on Monday morning before reporting for duty at 1pm at the school. I wasn't really sure why I was crying, just anxious and overwhelmed with everything on my plate.

It's not easy planning this wedding, and I'm not even doing most of the work. My mom is doing all of the leg work. But bringing two families together has proven to be far more difficult than I envisioned. Not everyone's going to be happy, and no matter what, this process is super expensive. Which is so hard for me to accept.

My wonderful fiance is still unemployed. With me at work, his days are quite empty and lonely. The frustration and discouragement is mounting, and he has door after door being closed. We're baffled right now. Why wouldn't someone want Adam working for them? He's awesome! We have no choice but to look to God as Provider and Sustainer. But I know this is extremely hard for him to be jobless and friendless in a city he doesn't necessarily want to be in.

I have high, high hopes for my cheerleaders. They're competing this year, and they have the potential to place in the top 5 at State this year. I'd be lying if I said my eyes weren't set on 1st. An unrealistic hope, but I like to dream big. I'm anxious that I won't be the coach they need to take them there. I have so much going on, and I don't want to prevent them from reaching their full potential. This would be the year for them to win. If I coach here for 3-4 years, this year looks like the best group of girls. I obviously can't know that for sure, but I'm losing 6 seniors after this year. A huge loss for this program!

And of course, preschool. I taught 34 preschoolers last year. 10 of them have moved on to kindergarten. Of the 24 remaining, I only have 5 of my students back in my class. The others got dispersed between the other 2 preschool teachers. Essentially, it feels like I'm starting over. I'm having to rebuild relationships with parents and students. I know that I'll be crazy about this group of preschoolers, but it feels like I have to prove myself to the parents all over again. I'm genuinely disappointed to not have all of my little guys and their parents back in my class. Some of the parents and students not in my class came to see me at Back to School night last night. Some of them in tears (parents and kids) to not be in my class. And I wanted to cry with them.

All of that to say, there's a lot going on. I'm far more emotional than I typically am. Several mornings I've driven to work with worship music playing nice and loud while I tearfully approach the Lord in prayer. I keep saying, "I don't know what's wrong with me." And I don't. I wrote out Ephesians 3:14-21 for Adam, as it's something I've been praying for him in this season. But I've been praying it for both of us these days.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Adam and I want to still bring praise before the Lord even when we find ourselves frustrated or discouraged. So, I do have much to be thankful for in these days:

* I have a JV coach!! HUGE, HUGE praise!! I'm relieved and so thankful for this provision. I may even have another girl looking to join our coaching staff. 3 would be amazing!

* My delightful fiance who has a lot of time on his hands did a very thorough cleaning on my car. I don't remember it ever looking so clean. Now to keep it that way...

* We love our church! We're so grateful we look forward to hearing Truth each Sunday. We continue to be challenged each week, and I thoroughly enjoy doing 3s preschool Sunday school with Adam. He's going to be a good dad one day.

* I have a job where I get to love on kids and hopefully push teenagers closer to Jesus. God sure did bless me with a really great job!

* In 115 days, I'm marrying an amazing man who challenges me to be more disciplined in my walk with the Lord and provides an abundance of laughter in all of my days. I'm richly blessed.

I'm trusting that my emotions will calm down in the coming weeks. Once I start a routine, I hope I level off a little bit. I trust that God will provide a job for Adam in His perfect timing. I trust God is drawing Adam closer to Himself in this time, and for that- I am thankful. I know my former students are in excellent care, and that I will come to love my new little ones. I anticipate this being a wonderful year. Right now, it just seems like a lot.

So...hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work I go.