Adam and I keep reflecting on the past year and how things look drastically different than we expected. He should've been off to an overseas internship with IJM for a year starting this month (September 2011), and who knows how I would have chosen to spend my summer- probably staffing. We're both so thankful for the ways God intervened in our lives and this road we're following Him on.
As I sit here with my coffee on this beautiful Labor Day morning, I look back at what God has done in the past year, and I smile. And laugh a little. The first week back to school, though still exhausting, was so different than last year. I am so much more confident and at ease, and in the very least, I know how the day is supposed to flow.
The constant feeling of inadequacy coupled with a lack of community set me up for an exhausting year last year. Continually striving to do better and meet expectations, all the while having no one to come alongside of me and speak life into my weary self. Thankfully the striving cycle stopped somewhere around October/November, and I was renewed and refreshed by my preschoolers. This past year was a lot of surrendering and trusting the Lord to be more than enough for me.
This goes for my relationship with Adam as well. Moving forward with him felt like a huge leap. Any relationship would be a leap, but a long distance one felt like a larger one. I had no idea how I would keep his interest from across the country, but I took baby steps as I trusted him. But ultimately my trust was in Jesus. If Adam hurt me, I was confident my Jesus would be more than enough for me. Come what may in that relationship, I knew that God would certainly work in the heartache and bring me to a deeper, more intimate place with Him. Thankfully, long term damage hasn't happened. Hoping it stays that way.
I think more than anything, my desire to be like Jesus has intensified in the past year. I've been so challenged at church, through coaching my high schoolers, and by being in this city that seems very anit-Christianity to emulate Christ in such a way that there isn't a huge discrepancy from the Jesus in the Bible to the Jesus people may or may not see inside of me.
I'm thankful for the deep and personal love of my Father that isn't based on my ability to teach 4 year olds how to read, how clean my classroom is, or how creative my crafts are. I so appreciate very supportive parents-my own, of my preschoolers, and of my cheer girls who love me generously and kindly. I am humbled by the children, big and small, who are entrusted into my care to point them to Jesus and educate them in one way or another.
Between falling in love with Adam, teaching 34 preschoolers, and coaching 14 girls, my love capacity seems to have increased significantly.
I am pretty confident that Seattle is not home for good. But I love being here right now. I love looking back at the year and seeing God's refining and grace all over it. I love knowing that this year will look different for so many reasons.
Some "Stand Out" moments from the year...
*I had a very challenging little boy in my 4s class last year. He experienced our "quiet chair" more than anyone else, and I had to work the hardest with him one on one to accomplish tasks. He was also the first kiddo to arrive every morning, and I could have a solid 5 minutes of uninterrupted time with him. I tried to be really intentional with those 5 minutes, hoping to start our day off on a positive note. I was helping him with some manipulatives one morning, and he just looked up at me and said, "I know you love me." It was completely out of the blue. But I was so thankful that he knew, yes, I do love him though I have to correct poor behavior and bad choices what felt like constantly.
*After a really strong performance by my cheerleaders on Senior Night, my superintendent e-mailed me to praise my work. Which, we did NOT get off to a good start, he and I, so I was especially grateful and a little confused.
*My twins in the 4s class pooped in the urinal. The janitors were not pleased with me that day.
*The first time I went to Bethany Community Church, where I go now, it seemed borderline perfect. And I nearly cried with relief. After much searching, I was so grateful to find such a gem of a church.
*At cheer camp with my team this year, we were taking a break from practice. I forgot how hard it is to be a camper; I've been a staffer for so long. I put in my preschool chapel CD, and for the next several minutes we sang kids songs, motions included. We got to "Our God Is An Awesome God," and the whole 3 and a half minutes is the chorus repeated. There was a shift in the atmosphere from silly to genuine, and my girls sang so loudly and so beautifully the words to that song while doing the motions. It was a moment I wanted to hold onto forever.
*The day Adam moved here- can't even begin to describe the relief that flooded me. Oh man, it was awesome. And I guess the day we got engaged was pretty awesome too. :)
There were lots of really great moments throughout the year. I blogged about a lot of them already. But I need to bring this marathon post to end.
I appreciate the prayers, support, visits, e-mails, messages, etc of so many people back home. I am definitely aware of what I left behind, but I'm so grateful for the friendships and community I have on the other side of the country. I am such a blessed girl!
