2 In A Row

This is not a pregnancy post, but one day...maybe...I'll start writing about the fact that there's a human growing inside of me.

I went into yesterday's State competition thinking (and saying to Adam), "There's no way I could be more disappointed this year than I was last year." 

Wrong. 

The stage was set for me to have a really fun day because I went in knowing they were capable of first, but it wasn't definitely theirs. They'd have to earn it. So, I would be legitimately happy with 2nd place. Oh, so different than last year! I really just wanted to see their best. 

We had a great warm up, but it didn't matter. 

Little did I know, one of my girls wasn't going to be able to handle the pressure. And she paid the price after being dropped to her head and nearly passing out on the spot. 

And in that moment when they had to stop our music, and they slowly lowered her to the floor, I couldn't help but ask myself, "What am I doing wrong?" 

How did I let this happen? Why can't I coach a team to execute their routine at State? What am I missing? 

In the moments that followed, I had to figure out how to control my anger with the group that let her hit the ground, console 12 devastated girls, and figure out a way to get them back on the floor to finish their routine minus 1 flyer. These were things I never wanted to have to do as a coach. 

And when they walked off the floor for the 2nd time, my own adrenaline started to fade. I sent them on their way to their parents and asked Adam to come find me because I couldn't possibly go near the parents right now. And when I stepped into Adam's embrace, I, too, fell apart. 

I knew my cheerleader was okay. She had a minor concussion, and she was going home. Her mom's worst nightmare had happened right in front of her eyes, and I assumed she'd eat me alive the next time she saw me. 

Me? I just felt defeated in every possible way. And I'm still not sure how I can go back to practice this week. We do have one more competition, but I feel so completely done. With everything that's happened this season, I have very little stamina to keep going. But I don't have a choice.

So for the second year in a row, the day after State feels like waking up from a really bad dream. And this one is worse than last year. 

And also for the second year in a row, Adam was my rock. I really don't know what I would've done had Adam not been there yesterday. And it's completely not normal for husbands to go to these events to support their coaching wives. I'm guessing he was one of three. But I don't know how I would've made it without him. Once again, I'm reminded that I have an immeasurable blessing in Adam, and I guess that's better than being a state champion. :)