It's your birthday, baby boy. You are a fresh faced one year old. You've grown and changed so much in the last year that I have a hard time remembering your littleness. Last night I spent time looking at pictures and videos of your tiny days, and my heart ached a little at how hard it was for me to recall your baby babble and sleepy stretches. Everything about your baby self was just so captivating.
And now. Now you are crossing over into toddlerhood. You're walking and shaking your head no. You're exploring everything. You have opinions about what you want to eat and what you absolutely do not want to eat. The growing and changing may be slower than it was in your first year, but it's definitely still happening.
You've also grown and changed me, Nolan. This first year of yours was my first year of motherhood, too. God's used you to shape me, refine me, and love me. Your tiny self brought me to my knees, humbled and surrendered before our Big God. Your smiles and laughs brought me inexplicable joy. Your desire to be near me, to be held, has me wanting to draw close to my Savior. Your absolute trust in me has challenged me to wholly trust Jesus.
As you cross into toddlerhood, I can't help but realize that you're going to require a lot more parenting in the coming days. Your daddy and I are going to be training you, guiding you, and hopefully pointing you to Jesus. I'm praying that you grow to be a man of integrity and respect. That you are a leader among leaders for the way you follow after Jesus. That you are generous and kind. That you are noble, just like your name means.
Last night as I gave you your bottle before bed, I couldn't stop the cascade of tears streaming down my face. I don't think I was sad. Okay, maybe I was a little sad. But I'm just so grateful that YOU came into my life. I'm so thankful I get to be your mom, and that I get to spend hours and hours with you each day. You are a joy bringer with that adorable smile and belly laugh. You are a delight to love and cuddle. You are so fun, so curious, and so silly. You never tire of outside or playing with balls and balloons. You are very much a little boy.
But those 2 minutes after each nap and every morning, when you wrap those Noley arms around my neck, weaving your fingers in my hair, and resting your head against mine, face to face...I live for those minutes. I will always love you, baby boy. There's nothing you could do or say to change that.
Happy Birthday, big boy!! I'm thrilled and honored to celebrate your life.
Love,
Your Mama
PS. I know I'll NEVER let you forget this, but I was in labor for literally 72 hours with you. Three. Straight. Days. Worth every second of it.
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