2 Under 2

My very scattered thoughts on life these days...

:: When we started telling people we were pregnant we frequently got the response, "Wow! You'll be busy!" And we are. Bedtime is kind of nutty. Getting both boys in and out of the car for errands is not a speedy thing right now. The mental gymnastics I go through to work out their schedules when planning things- it's a lot. But I still believe we're putting in the hard work now, and we WILL enjoy the fruits of our labor when our kiddos have built in besties. 

:: The transition was not easy on my little Nolan man. Which was in fact very hard on me. If I had to hear Adam say, "Mommy can't come right now she's feeding Isaac," one more time I thought I would burst. Now, that statement still gets said frequently, but Nolan seems to have adjusted to life with a little creature in our home. My heart still hurts when he pleads for me at bedtime, and I'm in the middle of getting Isaac down. Adam and I try to switch when possible, but it's just not always possible. 

:: I had no idea what kind of dad Adam would be when we got married, but man! I was surprised in the best way possible. He's amazing!! It's not just that he willingly helps in this parenting thing, he actually genuinely enjoys and takes great delight in Nolan (I'm sure Isaac will be included in this eventually). He looks forward to coming home to play with him, and I love him all the more for that. 

:: I saw something on the world wide web about this crazy, exhausting season of life. It said that in this time of life with my little ones, I'll never be more loved. All of the hugs, the kisses, the squeezes, the insisting on standing wrapped around my legs, the burrowing heads in my neck, the repeated (can I put a heavy emphasis on repeated?) calling out for Mommy- it's all short lived. Yes, I take deep breaths several times a day and remind myself that Nolan isn't even 2 yet. Ya, I sometimes complain about my aching back after wearing Isaac through church or errands. And yes, I do sometimes think about what it will be like to go to the bathroom without company. But I try to be in these moments. These days. I keep thinking about that thought. About how loved I am right now in this season of craziness. 

I wanted to cry at one point on my sister's wedding day because it was just not what I thought it would be like. Nolan was clingy. Isaac kinda depends on me for food. I didn't get to be in every moment with my sister because I have 2 very little people who kinda need me in big ways. But as Nolan and I walked down the aisle together I couldn't help but think, "How perfect is this moment!" And he didn't even get all the way without contesting it, but I got to hold my little boy's hand as he escorted me down the aisle. These are sweet times. Sweet and tiring. Sweet and trying. Sweet and sometimes all consuming. But it's worth it. 

:: Isaac started to smile at me on purpose yesterday, and it's amazing what a game changer that is!! I love it! If I needed to stand on my head to see that grin, I would. 

:: Isaac has started sleeping through the night off and on, which means it will probably be a consistent skill in a couple of weeks. And I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I actually will miss our middle of the night cuddle sessions. I don't have to feel guilty about snuggling that little boy when everyone else is asleep. I remember when I'd hear other moms say this I wanted to scream- LIAR!!! But now I get it. 

:: In conclusion, life with 2 under 2 is full!! There are times that I miss having loads of one on one time with Nolan. There are times when I think breastfeeding is for the birds. There are times that I wish Adam and I could go on a really long day date and pretend we're still spur of the moment people. And we just plain aren't. For right now. But we are so incredibly blessed with this life we have.