Dedicated

Being "mommy" around these parts has been a lot harder the last week or so. Nolan has embodied just about every thing you think of when hearing the phrase "terrible twos." Adam was gone for 3 full days last week, and by Wednesday night, my head actually felt heavier than normal from the exhaustion of all that is toddlerhood. Those who parent alone, I salute you. 

I've had some grumpy days myself lately, and I keep trying to take the 2 minutes here and there that I get to myself to really ponder why. Why has this seemed so much harder lately? 

The answer is probably still needing some unpacking, but that's what I'm doing now.

Being mommy to Nolan and Isaac has felt all consuming lately. I'm correcting Nolan what feels like all.day.long. He's yelling, "NO!" at me, refusing to obey, and smirking while doing it all. It feels like we've taken a couple steps backwards in a few areas. And man, do I lose my patience with him. I get frustrated and discouraged with his refusal to eat food that he liked 5 minutes ago or his veerrrrry delayed obedience. Desperate to affirm his good behavior, I've been doing a star chart, so I can celebrate all the good and focus less on the not good. But it's been hard to catch him doing the good stuff when the not good stuff seems to overwhelm our days. 

And what makes all of this hard is that I'm "all in" in this mommy thing. This is how I spend my days- raising these tiny beings with the hopes that they become little boys who become young men who love Jesus. And the very thing that I'm giving my all to seems to be going not well when my toddler is whining at me all the day long. 

One day last week, my parents were over for dinner while Adam was still gone, and Nolan was having an absolute meltdown, refusing to eat. My dad made the comment that they never had one "like this." My brother has made similar comments. And on in the inside I'm thinking, "Probably because you're better at this than I am!!!!" 

See, being mom leaves me (maybe everyone) in a place of vulnerability. It's something I desperately want to get right, yet everyone gets to see when it's going wrong. 

Yesterday we had the opportunity to dedicate our boys at church. We stood before the congregation and said we would do everything we could to disciple our children at home and raise them to love Jesus. The church committed to coming along side of us and pouring into them and helping us point them to Jesus. 

There's so much I want for my children. I want them to be brave and courageous. I want them to be kind and faithful. I want them to be teachable, humble, generous, and honest. But my deepest longing for them is that they would know Jesus. Not know about Him, but that they would know Jesus. That their lives would be forever marked and changed by their relationship with Christ. 

The name Nolan means noble (and champion). We want to speak over him that he is good, virtuous, upright, and righteous because of Jesus in his life. The name Isaac means full of laughter. We want to believe that Isaac will be a joy bringer with his laughter and the laughter he causes. I pray these things over my boys often.

As I stood up before the congregation yesterday and publicly dedicated myself to raising these guys in a way that honors the Lord, the task in front of me felt rather large. It felt big again this morning when Nolan was placed in time out for the 2nd time in a very short time span. But I scooped Nolan up, we sat in the chair, and we invited Jesus into our day. That I would be full of grace and patience. And that Nolan would have a heart of obedience. While I did have to put Nolan back in time out again, I trusted that these long mornings of discipline and correction are part of shaping and guiding Nolan. 

And hey, maybe I'll do better on the second one! :) 

4 Months Of Isaac Dean

This baby of mine is growing so fast! 4 months old- as in we're already a 1/3 of the way through his first year. HOW?!?! 

Our munchkerdoo is sitting in his bumbo like a boss. He's also playing in his exersaucer. He's not super strong in the neck area yet, so it's kind of exhausting for him. But he no longer lays in the hammock for long periods of time because he's so eager to sit up. 

This Isaac man is NOT a cuddler. Insert: very, very sad face. I'm hoping there are some Isaac snuggles in my future, but right now, he's far to curious and squirmy. BUT every once in a while, he'll settle into Adam's chest. Insert: annoyed face.

This porky is 16 pounds, and he's wearing 6 month clothes. I haven't been to the doctor for the 4 month well check, so I don't know where he is percentage wise. I do think he's slowed down lately. 

Isaac is generally the most laid back and easy going baby ever. But he's been in the thick of a "Wonder Week." They're developmental growth spurts. This one is typically the longest and most disruptive of them all. He's been a little less easy going and his sleeping has been a little more unpredictable. But still nothing worth complaining about. This kid was napping like clockwork prior to this wonder week hitting. It's not quite over yet, so I'm just going with the flow right now. Doing all of this a second time, I usually can tell myself, "It's not a big deal." Sometimes I still let my feathers get ruffled though. 

Oh the chunky baby stage!!

I've started the process of dropping the swaddle. I HATE this process. HATE!! Isaac has been such a great sleeper for the most part that changing things up is a terrifying idea. But he's rolling now, so I know it needs to happen. I keep telling myself that before I know it this too will have passed. He is also in the process of dropping that 4th nap. He takes it a few times a week. He can manage skipping it if I can then get him down for the night close to 7. 

Isaac is laughing more and more. He is very ticklish. He loves talking. Oh my goodness, this little boy is a talker! He's got a lot to say, and he doesn't really care who is listening. 

Isaac is starting to be awake longer, drool tons, and attempt to be more interactive with the world around him. We are headed towards some serious fun stages, and I love watching him grow and change and come into his own. We see a lot of brother shenanigans in our future! He still however is not great at taking a bottle, keeping a paci in his mouth, or being a pleasant car passenger- not a fan if the car isn't moving. 

People thought we were crazy to put our kiddos so close together. But honestly, I can't imagine a better fit for our family. My Isaac Love is precious and a delight. I'm so glad God entrusted him into our care!