Oh My Isaac Dean,
I can't believe I already have to do this. Weren't you just welcomed into our family like a month ago?
I've got to tell you, Isaac Man, you are the sweetest gift to our family. I don't know that I could've dreamed up a better addition to this crazy Tomberlin tribe. You came into this world, and you settled right into my heart forever. As I carried you for 9 months inside of me, I prayed and wondered and dreamed of what it would be like to have two little boys to call mine. And I just didn't know how perfect you were going to be!
From the very beginning you've been such a laid back, go with the flow little guy. Your tiny self adjusted to life with us so quickly that I kept thinking I was enjoying the calm before the storm. But you didn't bring a storm with you. You just brought peace. And snuggles. I actually cherished our middle of the night feedings in those early days because I just loved holding you close.
Though you brought a ton of peace to my heart, you turned your brother's world upside down. And you've endured a lot as he transitioned. You are tough. You are forgiving. It's almost like you are understanding of Nolan's struggle at times. And really, you love that boy so much, so that helps. You seem more confident when Nolan is around which is odd considering how his treatment towards you is a toss up.
Isaac, I love you so much. I love your little belly that seems to poke out of every shirt I put on you. I love your expressive little eyebrows that are quick to tell me what you think while words can't be formed. I love that you suck your thumb sideways, and that is has to be your left hand. I love that you have figured out how to sit in laps, wave night-night, and how you sign "all done" makes me laugh every time. I take such delight in watching you be you.
As I snuggled you close on your last night of babyhood, I felt overwhelming grateful that I get to call you my son. Though I know lots of great stuff is coming our way, with each passing day you'll take more steps towards independence. Our relationship is going to change, and so I just held you tight and rocked you as I reflected on the blessing that is being your mom. Isaac Dean, more than anything, and I mean ANYTHING, I want your heart to belong to Jesus. I want you to know Him and and know His love. And after that, I want you to know that I love you and I like you just the way you are.
I am so happy that I get to be your Mama. I love you so, baby boy. You are a treasure and a delight. You fit perfectly in our family, and I am excited to watch you grow and see your personality come forth more and more. Your crystal blue eyes, chunky thighs, and little giggle make me melt.
I'll love you forever, Isaac.
Happy Birthday, Buddy!
Love,
Mommy
Saturday, April 23, 2016
12 Months. 1 Year.
Well. It happened. April 22, 2016 rolled around, and though I tried to stop it, Isaac Dean Tomberlin turned 1. He went to bed on Thursday just like any other day, and then he woke up on Friday a 1 year old.
And the best way I can describe it this time around is the bitter is more bitter and the sweet is sweeter when I say it's bittersweet to hit this milestone. I know every child is different. I loved 1 year old Nolan, and I look forward to 1 year old Isaac. But I also know parenting takes a huge shift here. The toughest training I did with Isaac this first year was sleep training, and quite honestly, it was easy peasy. The training that's ahead of me, probably not going to be easy peasy.
Isaac had his first Easter. He did not care one bit. He really did love the Easter eggs because they were the perfect size to hold and shake. But really, it was just another Sunday.
Isaac still strongly favors me, and I'm not concerned about it at this point. Honestly, it's made his first birthday a little more gentle on me. He's doing better with other family members, which is a relief! But I can't deny the fact that I love the way he likes to check in with me regularly for a quick thumb suck and hair hold.
Isaac is starting to stand up for himself when it comes to Nolan's roughness. AND I LOVE IT! Adam and I both quietly cheer him on when he pushes back or grunts at Nolan. He's also starting to show some signs of tantrums coming. He is such an easy going kid, but I've seen him get legitimately mad a few times when I've done something as simple as taking a toy away. I think it's a sign of things to come.
Isaac scrunches up his face in just the cutest way when he's excited. He does it a lot when he's walking around as quickly as he can. And when he has a ladle in his hand-- forget about it. He walks with his cute growing belly pushed forward, and I smile every time. He still loves baths. He dominates just about everything I put on his tray. And he LOVES my parents' dog. One thing that's still really lovely about Isaac is that given the right circumstances (a long day at the zoo), he'll still take a quick snooze on me in the ergo. That's a win for me!!
Adam and I looked at videos of life at this time a year ago, and we are well aware of just how much changes in a year. I want to be present in these days and enjoy them. I do have a lot of emotions about this boy turning 1. We are not trying to get pregnant right now, like we were when Nolan turned 1, so I don't know when there will be another baby in my home. And that makes me a little sad. I wouldn't say that I'm one who is "baby crazy," but that first year is something special.
I am so grateful for our precious Isaac. I'm thankful that God delivered him in such a peaceful way (I won't ever forget that!), and that I'll always have a story of God's faithfulness when I think back to his birth. I love our Isaac Dean!
And the best way I can describe it this time around is the bitter is more bitter and the sweet is sweeter when I say it's bittersweet to hit this milestone. I know every child is different. I loved 1 year old Nolan, and I look forward to 1 year old Isaac. But I also know parenting takes a huge shift here. The toughest training I did with Isaac this first year was sleep training, and quite honestly, it was easy peasy. The training that's ahead of me, probably not going to be easy peasy.
Isaac had his first Easter. He did not care one bit. He really did love the Easter eggs because they were the perfect size to hold and shake. But really, it was just another Sunday.
Isaac still strongly favors me, and I'm not concerned about it at this point. Honestly, it's made his first birthday a little more gentle on me. He's doing better with other family members, which is a relief! But I can't deny the fact that I love the way he likes to check in with me regularly for a quick thumb suck and hair hold.
Isaac scrunches up his face in just the cutest way when he's excited. He does it a lot when he's walking around as quickly as he can. And when he has a ladle in his hand-- forget about it. He walks with his cute growing belly pushed forward, and I smile every time. He still loves baths. He dominates just about everything I put on his tray. And he LOVES my parents' dog. One thing that's still really lovely about Isaac is that given the right circumstances (a long day at the zoo), he'll still take a quick snooze on me in the ergo. That's a win for me!!
Adam and I looked at videos of life at this time a year ago, and we are well aware of just how much changes in a year. I want to be present in these days and enjoy them. I do have a lot of emotions about this boy turning 1. We are not trying to get pregnant right now, like we were when Nolan turned 1, so I don't know when there will be another baby in my home. And that makes me a little sad. I wouldn't say that I'm one who is "baby crazy," but that first year is something special.
I am so grateful for our precious Isaac. I'm thankful that God delivered him in such a peaceful way (I won't ever forget that!), and that I'll always have a story of God's faithfulness when I think back to his birth. I love our Isaac Dean!
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
When Motherhood Feels...Like A Lot!
I had to take a shower as soon as I put the boys down for their naps. I mean, I did work out earlier, but more importantly, I wanted to wash away any remnants of the morning. Can a shower do that? I was weary from the battles I faced with my toddler, and I was weary from the battles I fight within my own self on mornings like these.
I am so quick, so quick, to believe the best for other parents. I don't know your life, and I'm certainly not going to make snap judgements off of a 30 second encounter I witness. When people tell stories about poor behavior they witness, in my head I'm pleading, "But you don't know what their day looked like. You can't see the whole story!"
But it's a different story for myself.
Nolan has been wearing.me.down. The consequences have varied. The pep-talks a plenty. The reminders constant. These last few days have been tough. And it seems like nothing is sticking. Nothing.
And it's days like today when motherhood doesn't feel sanctifying, it feels exhausting. It feels horribly discouraging and lonely. Like I want to look to the right and to the left to see if anyone else is failing alongside of me, but I choose to just run my race. I resist the urge to play the comparison game and instead choose to lift my eyes up.
As I stood in the shower letting the water wash over me, I replayed my view of our morning in my head over and over. How I lost my patience and spoke too harshly. How I was a far cry from slow to anger. How I let offenses build on one another instead of truly forgiving with each repentance my 2 year old offered (genuine or not). It looked ugly from my point of view. It looked like a mom operating out of her own strength and her own flesh. And the heaviness of my failures was a bit much for me.
So, I just asked, "Jesus, can you show me where you were all morning? Like, really show me where you were in these scenarios!"
And you know what came to mind? A whole different set of happenings this morning. When I hit my elbow on the chair and grabbed it out of pain, Nolan immediately prayed, "God, come be with Mommy. Help her owie. Help her comfort. Amen." And Nolan hugging my neck and saying he loved me randomly after helping him go potty. And so different scenes replayed in my head.
I can see Jesus in the both sets of circumstances. And I have to fight the urge to believe He's only happy with me in one set of them. That He's not disappointed with my effort.
I've heard many, many times that I cannot let my children's behavior, good or bad, define me as a mom. I love this quote from a book (Hope Unfolding by Becky Thompson) I just read, "But the truth is, when we look to our kids to find security in our parenting, we will only be left feeling disappointed. Not because they are a disappointment, but because their need for a perfect Savior does not indicate our failure as mothers. It simply means that they need Jesus just as much as we do." And so what I hope to do in the midst of these tough mornings is give my kids what they need most, which is Jesus.
Because it's what I need too.
This mom life is no joke.
And as I have the luxury of getting a "reset" at nap time (and I do know it's a luxury!), I choose to trade in this guilt for forgiveness. I choose to lean into Grace instead of sinking into defeat. I choose to offer up a heart of repentance and receive newness. Right now.
I am so quick, so quick, to believe the best for other parents. I don't know your life, and I'm certainly not going to make snap judgements off of a 30 second encounter I witness. When people tell stories about poor behavior they witness, in my head I'm pleading, "But you don't know what their day looked like. You can't see the whole story!"
But it's a different story for myself.
Nolan has been wearing.me.down. The consequences have varied. The pep-talks a plenty. The reminders constant. These last few days have been tough. And it seems like nothing is sticking. Nothing.
And it's days like today when motherhood doesn't feel sanctifying, it feels exhausting. It feels horribly discouraging and lonely. Like I want to look to the right and to the left to see if anyone else is failing alongside of me, but I choose to just run my race. I resist the urge to play the comparison game and instead choose to lift my eyes up.
As I stood in the shower letting the water wash over me, I replayed my view of our morning in my head over and over. How I lost my patience and spoke too harshly. How I was a far cry from slow to anger. How I let offenses build on one another instead of truly forgiving with each repentance my 2 year old offered (genuine or not). It looked ugly from my point of view. It looked like a mom operating out of her own strength and her own flesh. And the heaviness of my failures was a bit much for me.
So, I just asked, "Jesus, can you show me where you were all morning? Like, really show me where you were in these scenarios!"
And you know what came to mind? A whole different set of happenings this morning. When I hit my elbow on the chair and grabbed it out of pain, Nolan immediately prayed, "God, come be with Mommy. Help her owie. Help her comfort. Amen." And Nolan hugging my neck and saying he loved me randomly after helping him go potty. And so different scenes replayed in my head.
I can see Jesus in the both sets of circumstances. And I have to fight the urge to believe He's only happy with me in one set of them. That He's not disappointed with my effort.
I've heard many, many times that I cannot let my children's behavior, good or bad, define me as a mom. I love this quote from a book (Hope Unfolding by Becky Thompson) I just read, "But the truth is, when we look to our kids to find security in our parenting, we will only be left feeling disappointed. Not because they are a disappointment, but because their need for a perfect Savior does not indicate our failure as mothers. It simply means that they need Jesus just as much as we do." And so what I hope to do in the midst of these tough mornings is give my kids what they need most, which is Jesus.
Because it's what I need too.
This mom life is no joke.
And as I have the luxury of getting a "reset" at nap time (and I do know it's a luxury!), I choose to trade in this guilt for forgiveness. I choose to lean into Grace instead of sinking into defeat. I choose to offer up a heart of repentance and receive newness. Right now.
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