Tough Mudder

"So, you want to do a Tough Mudder?"

I got something along those lines in a text message from Adam back in February. Mutual friends were putting a group together to get a break on the registration price for a Tough Mudder in April. I did a quick google search of Tough Mudder, which led me to their website. I looked through the obstacles and read about the event. My actual reaction was, "Why would anyone want to do this?" 

But, I heard myself say, "I guess I'll go for it." 

10-12 mile course with 20+ obstacles a lot of them in the mud. 

I regretted signing up for it the second we handed over our money. 

I started training for it only by putting extra focus on my upper body strength (not my favorite) and really hitting the cardio. I started running with a friend once a week and running by myself once a week. I am not a runner, so this wasn't an enjoyable adjustment for me. 

As the weeks flew by, we arrived at the week of the Tough Mudder before I knew it. And I. was. anxious. I hated that I had signed up for this thing. Hated might be strong, but it's in the right neighborhood. The only other girl in the group had a change in plans 1 week before the event, so it would be me with 4 other guys, one of them being Adam. 

I kept my eyes on the prize- getting to eat a yummy meal that I wouldn't typically indulge in. 

You see, on our 1 year anniversary dinner, Adam and I were out to eat celebrating (I was about 8 weeks pregnant at this point). And we were talking about our first year, about the surprises both good and bad. Obviously, the fact that I was pregnant was a huge surprise. But Adam said so seriously, "I was surprised to find out you're not as tough as I thought you were." 

Blame it on the hormones, but I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe he said that to me. 

[hindsight: I can believe it for so many reasons]

So, as silly as it sounds, I started to doubt my toughness in that very moment. Then Nolan's horrific birth experience happened. I really, really thought I was going to be able to deliver Nolan naturally, and I couldn't. And then I really doubted my toughness.

In the final days leading up to Tough Mudder, I tried to change my thoughts. "I am strong. I am tough. I can do this!" I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with guys and their experience would be dulled by my lack of toughness. 

Right as we were about to start the event, Adam who was so amped up at this point looked at me and said, "Are you ready??" And I barely nodded my head and said, "Ready for it to be over." 

And then before I knew it, I started jogging, didn't look back, and focused on doing the next thing. 

The initial obstacles weren't so tough. In fact, after a few of them, I was annoyed that I had gotten so worked up about this. But in the back of my head, I just knew the hard ones were coming. I knew that they were just building up my confidence to tackle the hard ones. 

When we hit the halfway point with the obstacles, it was called Everest 2.0. You had to run up a slick quarter pipe over 15 feet tall. If you didn't make it to the top, you just slid down and tried again. This was an obstacle that really the guys weren't going to be able to help me with except for being hands I grabbed at the top. People were sliding down all over the place. We are muddy after all. When everyone in our group had made it, I knew I just needed to do it. Fully expecting to try numerous times. 

So, I sprinted at the wall, kept my legs moving as long as I could, and I made contact with hands at the top and was able to pull myself over. 

And after that point- I was done doubting myself. I still had about 6 miles of running left and at least 10 obstacles to go, but I stopped all the self doubting talk in my head. I could do this. I was strong enough. I had trained well for this.

By the time we had a couple miles left of trail running, much of it uphill, I slowly took off from the group. I was done pacing myself. I knew the finish was close, and I just ran. And I wasn't super fatigued (just incredibly hungry), so I wanted to run this thing to the end. So, I was the first one in our group to actually make it to the last obstacle, which I waited for them so we could all do it together. 

It really was a great and fun experience. And to be clear, many of the obstacles were collaborative and emphasized team work. This was by no means accomplished by myself. And I did fail at the hardest obstacle, but I did way better than I thought I would. And way better than any of the guys thought I would do. 

I would definitely sign up for another Tough Mudder. And I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Because I am tough enough!