Nolan,
You turned six years old last week. I thought it was weird last year when you got to start holding up a whole hand to show people how old you were, but now you need two hands. Two hands to hold up enough fingers to represent how old you are!
I feel no sadness about this. I mean, when I look at pictures of you as a baby or young toddler, I quickly dissolve into a puddle. But I feel excited for you that you are six years old. You will be starting kindergarten in just over two weeks. You'll become big brother to one more in less time than that (please, Lord Jesus, let it be so). Shockingly, in this stage of late pregnancy, I'm not grieving your growth. I'm excited for you.
You are changing and growing so much right in front of me. You are coming into your own person more and more, and that person can be downright exasperating. But there's a small part of me that is so thankful that you are strong-willed and head strong. I don't have to wonder what you really like or what you're thinking. You let us know. You are quick to defend what you think is right, and you do not back down, even when it's obvious that you are wrong. These things about you can make me absolutely crazy, but I do know deep down, when you mature and hopefully grow in Christ, these could be such valuable traits. Your tenacity in sticking to your guns, that could be amazing! Right now, it brings me to my knees and sometimes makes me hide in the bathroom to eat a piece of very dark chocolate.
Today was your final day of sports camp, your very first week of morning sports camp. Your name was called, signaling you that I was there to pick you up, and you came racing towards me with a big grin on your face. I'm confident the grin was your eagerness to tell me everything you did that day, but I admit I had tears spring to my eyes very suddenly. And it was for no other reason than I just love you so much. And watching your curls bounce as you ran with your lunchbox and water bottle, I just couldn't help but smile (and tear up) and wait for your hug at the end of that sprint.
Gosh, you are a gift. You are so uniquely created and gifted, and I often wonder if I'm doing a good enough job helping you lean into your strengths as opposed to working on your weaknesses. I think it's something we'll be working on and arguing about for years to come. I'm grateful that God entrusted you to me and Daddy, and I'm praying this year your interest in the Bible and who God is continues to grow and grow. And hopefully over time, your heart becomes fully His.
I love you. I like you. I enjoy you. And I'm proud of you!
Love you, Buddy!
Mommy
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