Last weekend my boyfriend came and visited me. I can admit this here because all 4 of my readers already knew that. It was a wonderful weekend, and I loved having him here. Long distance relationships are tricky. It was so great to have him enter my world and get to see him 4 days in a row. All but 7 days of our relationship has been spent on different sides of the country. There was certainly some anxiety going into the weekend, but it was completely unnecessary.
It's been a long time since I've let a guy into my heart and life like I have with this one. This is the longest any guy has ever lasted with me. It's the most vulnerable I've been and the most hopeful I've allowed myself to be with any guy. Which yes, is still a little scary. But it's mostly been an exciting adventure involving a lot of trust and surrender. God is softening my heart and drawing me closer to Him as this dude pursues my heart.
At different points in this weekend I couldn't help but compare and contrast my weekends with these two very different men in my life. My dad is the man I respect and love more than any other man in my life. I was so excited about him coming because I have an expectation of my dad to make things right in the world for me. Life has been uncomfortably crazy, and I have been feeling unsettled with the chaos going on around me. And I just felt like a little girl wanting Daddy to fix it and make it better.
Though my dad cannot bring order to all the chaos- the title to my car is still lost, I still need a JV coach, my paper still has to be written this week- the week of tryouts, kids still need to be hired for FCC, etc- he still brings a calm because he's my dad. We went to lunch at my favorite burger place on Saturday, played frisbee on a beautiful spring day, we tried out a new restaurant I've been waiting to go to, and we watched a movie at the end of it all. The only way my day could've been better is if I didn't do homework in the middle of it.
There are certainly conflicting emotions as I let this other guy in my life. My dad has embodied protector and provider for me for the past 23 years. Even though I've been living on my own since I moved here, he's still my dad. He's the one I called when I hydroplaned off the road or when I got stuck on the icy roads. He's who I call when I have a money question or car question. He's my dad. He always will be. But this other guy is becoming more and more important to me, and my heart is more and more drawn to him.
Today at lunch we talked about the man I end up marrying [NOT saying it's the guy I'm dating], and how he had to be a strong man because of who I am. We talked about the responsibility of a man to take on a wife, and how that cannot be taken lightly. We ended the conversation abruptly because his stomach was getting knotted just talking about it.
And in that moment, I wanted to stay my dad's little girl forever. This man has diligently and lovingly cared for my heart and provided for my needs all my life. I know I'm safe with my dad, and he will always do everything in his power to keep it that way. And I know at some point there has to be a passing of the baton and changing of the guards. I am confident my dad won't let this happen a second sooner than it absolutely must. But I'm also confident that my dad has modeled for me a man that loves God first, selflessly serves his wife, and generously loves his children. If I can end up with a guy that's anything like my dad, I'll be in good hands.
My dad is awesome.
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