Busy

I can't really come close to describing the emotions I have embodied this week. I have a serious conflict of interests by taking the time to post. I should be packing. Or doing my December calendar for my 4s class. Or e-mailing the parents of my cheerleaders about upcoming events. Or writing thank you notes (gulp!).

But I just can't.

This week has been insane. Never before have I wanted to just disappear like I wanted to repeatedly this week. Tuesday night I felt my lungs tightening and could not get a full breath, and I wanted to back myself into a corner and be swallowed up by the walls.

In most stressful seasons I always say, "What needs to get done, will get done." But this time, I've said it with dwindling confidence. There's just. too. much. I looked at Adam at one point this week and said, "I just don't think I can do this." I was overwhelmed to the point of needing to cry but knowing I didn't have the emotional stamina to handle a breakdown.

I find myself irritable, exhausted, and sensitive. Things that would normally roll off my back are hurting my feelings. I'm having to be so intentional about believing the best in day to day life with my team, my co-workers, and even Adam. Which, yes, this does demand more energy than I have to offer.

I know that this will all get better in 16 days, but that suddenly seems like a daunting number. I have no choice but to look to Christ to sustain me each day. I quietly pray for grace and patience. For a kind word for my students and team. For the ability to smile and be a person of joy to those around me.

I have listened to the song Yahweh by Hillsong 40 times in the past 2 weeks. The main point of the song is this: We look to Yahweh. And He shall reign forever.

Yes, there's more, but all I need is to look to Yahweh, for He shall reign forever. He can reign in my ridiculously busy days. I need to keep looking to Him. When my eyes lose sight of Him, everything becomes overwhelming.

I'm so ready for December 17th. I just need to make it that long.