Wedding Day

My thoughts a few days ago... longest post of my life...

It’s almost been 2 weeks since our wedding, and there’s much I could write about. But before I mention our marital bliss or re-entry into real life or the disaster I call my home, I must first back it up to December 17th. I wrote pages in my journal about the day because I was terrified to lose a detail. This will be long. And I don’t expect anyone to persevere through every word. This is for my personal enjoyment.

But here it goes- our wedding day.

My sister’s alarm woke me up at 8:30. She needed to go do stuff, and I decided to get out of bed to enjoy some calm before the craziness of the day started. There was some instant nervous excitement as I thought to myself, “I”m getting married today!” I walked downstairs to get some coffee and some time with Ryann. This girl is one of the cutest beings alive. She’d been very excited about my wedding, and her parents forced much patience upon her as she desperately wanted to wear her dress before the wedding. In fact, within minutes of talking to me, she realized it was truly the day of her white dress and flower bearing duties. She darted upstairs for mom to put her dress on, only to be shot down, as it was 8:35 in the morning.

My brother came downstairs soon after I got comfortable in the big chair with my coffee. He and I just talked for a while. I rarely get time with Anthony to myself, so I savored his company and allowed myself to feel happy about all that this day would hold. Anthony was to be giving the charge during the ceremony, and I sat there with great respect and love for this man who is my brother. I eventually got up to start getting ready to leave. He hugged me real close, told me he loved me, he missed me, and he was happy for me. It was as good as gold. Better, actually. I knew the next time I saw him would probably be in front of a bunch of people as he got his preach on!

Kara, Erin, Alethia, Ryann, Ashley, Oliver, and myself all piled into the expedition to go to the venue. We arrived, and it was quiet and calm. I loved it. The tables and chairs were getting set up, and that thought came back to me, “I’m getting married today!” Before long it was time for Ashley to start curling my hair. As I was sitting there, our worship leaders, Dave and Wes, were practicing. I wanted to go sit and listen in the room with them, but I had to be content with the chair I was in. But my heart started beating faster, and my eyes nearly had tears in them because I was so excited to worship in that place. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would inhabit 550 Trackside, and that we all would respond to this invitation to worship the most holy God together. It filled my heart with longing and peace, and I offered my heart of gratitude and praise to the Lord.

This was a moment I wanted to take in. My sisters were there. My nieces were there. My friends surrounded me. And it was awesome. My friend in Africa tried to call repeatedly, and I so badly wished she could have been in the room with us.

Traffic was probably the only glitch in the whole day. Everyone was arriving late. One of the photographers was late. My friend doing my make up was super late. My parents got delayed. The guys were delayed. But I didn’t let it bother me. With each passing moment, I was getting more excited to marry Adam.

Before I knew it, it was time to put my dress on and go see Adam. We agreed to see each other prior to the ceremony because I convinced Adam that it would be better to have a few moments alone before it all got crazy. And we’re both so glad we did that. Adam was far down the train tracks with his back to me, and I had to walk to him. With each step, my smile got bigger and my pace got faster. I couldn’t wait to see my groom.

Those 10 minutes were perfect. I can’t really put into words why it was so great. And when I journaled, I couldn’t come up with the words either. I didn’t have high expectations; I just wanted to be with Adam and not have the pressure of everyone watching our reaction to seeing each other. This let us be us. It was great.

Adam left, and all of the kids in my wedding came down to be with me. I held my tiniest niece, had the other 3 nieces around me, and my most favorite boys in the world at my side. I love all of these little guys, and this was another moment I wanted to take in. I wanted to hug each of them repeatedly and tell them how much I loved them. I dearly love children, but these 6 have my heart first.

My bridesmaids came out to take some pictures, and again, I was so thankful for each of them. My sister is my sister. She is irreplaceable and so good for my heart...if only she lived closer!! Erin has become a good friend and prayed some of the most tender and moving prayers over me. Mandy has been my partner in crime in the FCC world like no one else. She’s carried my burdens and laughed with me for hours. Ally has been my most frequent visitor and the best at pursing our friendship despite the distance. She’s a dear friend and fellow food lover!

If you know my dad, I think this has been one of the days he’s dreaded all of his life. He wasn’t around me much leading up to the ceremony because I think his tender heart just could not take it. We joked about needing a mop to follow him around because the tears would be unending, but he was holding it together quite nicely. I had a cry session with both of my parents the night before, and I hoped that would help us all get through the day with greater ease.

It was almost go time, and Bryan stopped just outside the bridal room. He put his arm around me, and he asked how I was doing in that “I really want to know how you’re doing” sort of way. He asked if he could pray with me, and I almost lost it here. Bryan and Kathryn have been some of the most influential people in my life, and they’ve loved me and cared for me in a very unique way over the past 6 years.

I circled up with all of the bridesmaids, flower bringers, my mom, my grandma, my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and it was quite the circle! My mom and sister prayed, and next thing I know, it’s time to get this party started. I hugged my dad, told him I loved him, and we started to get everyone set.

Dave and Wes starting playing Divine Romance, and my heart was full. My grandma, mom, and Mrs. Tomberlin were all seated. The bridal party walked out, and I was just getting so excited to walk down the aisle. My dad was probably close to a heart attack.

Next it was our turn. The packed out place stood as my dad and I walked down the aisle. I couldn’t even see Adam because of how the chairs were positioned. I looked to my mom and smiled. My dad looked at me and said, “Eye of the tiger, Marissa!” We laughed, and I held his arm a little tighter. We got down the aisle, and I turned to face the direction I came. Bryan seated everyone, and the flower processional began.

Ryann, Charlotte, and Savannah walked towards me with flowers in hand. Savannah had her thumb in her mouth and did not want to hold her sister’s hand. In fact, she almost had a meltdown as the bridal party walked in because she didn’t want to hold Charlotte’s hand. I was just glad to see the 3 of them walking. They gave me their flowers, and each one gave me a hug. Ryann kissed me right on the lips, and I loved it.

Next Caleb came down. He was smiling and looking as precious as ever. He handed me the flowers and whispered in my ear, “You’re gorgeous!” He then hugged me, kissed me, and told me he loved me. Tears immediately filled my eyes.

Hannah walked down next. She’s one of my high school cheerleaders. Over a year ago, before I was dating Adam, she asked if she could be a flower girl in my wedding. I reluctantly agreed, and we pinky promised on it. When I found out she was coming to the wedding, I knew she needed to be in it. Hannah’s family has showered me with great love and support, and she’s a fantastic girl who will be doing Kingdom work all the days of her life.

Sami walked down next. She was crying the whole time, and that made me want to cry. Sami and I have been friends since her first summer on staff, and we’ve shared many heart to hearts and lots of laughter.

Amy came next. She’s been a source of encouragement like no one else in the past year. Her love for Jesus is so genuine and so real. We’ve had many skype conversations that have made me laugh and challenged me to love Jesus more fully. She and her husband need to move to Seattle and then follow Adam and I wherever we go.

Joel and Kathryn were the last pair. Joel had his thumb closed in a door and almost couldn’t walk down the aisle. Thankfully, he decided he could do it, and we switched him to walk with his mom instead of his brother Caleb. Kathryn is one of the most amazing women I know. To say she’s been a dear friend is a drastic understatement. Her unwavering faith and selfless love even in the midst of losing her son Samuel has been one of the greatest testaments of a genuine relationship with Jesus. She tied up all of my flowers so they were a bouquet. She and Joely both hugged me and told me they loved me.

I turned back around to face Bryan and give my groom a wink. I knew my dad’s line was coming up, and I felt my heart tug a little bit. This was it. The passing of the baton. My dad was relinquishing me completely to Adam. I held firmly to his arm, and I needed him to know that I loved him so very much. That I appreciated the way that he fathered my heart and loved me so sacrificially. I wanted him to know that I felt the loss of this exchange even though all I talked about was the joy of the covenant I was soon to make. My parents have been unmovable rocks in my life. My mom has always been quick to point out Truth and turn me towards Jesus. She’s laughed with me and cried with me. My parents have loved me unconditionally, and I am so thankful for them.

The time came for my dad to say, “Her mother and I.” He kissed me on the cheek and told me loved me. Adam came and stood at my right side, and I felt completely safe and secure with my hand in Adam’s.

Bryan started off our ceremony, and I looked at him with great admiration. He welcomed everyone and prayed for us. He talked about the appropriateness of worship at a wedding. Bryan is so good with words and a fantastic communicator. He transitioned us beautifully into a time of worship.

Dave and Wes led us in the song Everything first. It talks about God being my everything- in my sleeping, in my waking, in my hoping, in my dreaming, in my weeping, in my healing, etc. Adam and I wanted this in our ceremony because though we are pumped about marriage, we know that God must be our everything. That’s not something we can fulfill for each other. It goes on to say, “Christ in me, Christ in me, the hope of glory. You are everything!” It was an amazing moment in our ceremony. I was standing with Adam, arms lifted to the Lord, singing, “Be my everything.” We then sang Blessed Be Your Name. Adam chose this song. This song has taken on new meaning for me as I’ve watched Bryan and Kathryn walk through the loss of Samuel. We wanted to stand together and declare the words in that song, even though we have no idea what blessings or darkness will be on our road. In the midst of that song, I felt like this was too good to possibly be earthly. I could’ve stood in this moment for a long time. I wanted to freeze time. One of my deepest desires for our ceremony was that it would point to Jesus. I loved every second of worshiping with all of the people (who were there) who played a part in getting us to this point. The Holy Spirit was sweet and tangible.

My brother then came up for the charge. I wish we had recorded it because I would post it. But it was awesome. My brother first talked about how much he loved me and wanted to protect me. He didn’t think there would ever be a guy good enough, but Adam was the perfect fit for me. I don’t think Adam even knows the weight of those words. Anthony is also an amazing communicator. He charges us to live, love, and serve in such a way that our marriage points to Jesus. He told us to fix our eyes on Jesus as we live this out. It was really powerful, and I think he was about 5 seconds away from getting the whole place on their knees. He prayed the prayer from Ephesians 3. The same prayer that I’ve been praying for Adam and I since August. It was awesome.

Bryan came back to do the vows, communion, declaration of intent, and the proclamation. Bryan paused us at the communion table and urged us to take in these moments. I was wanting the whole ceremony to slow down. It was going too fast, and it was too good. Dave and Wes were playing Beautiful Things by Gungor. If you don’t know this song, go youtube it. Because it’s awesome. Adam prayed for us, and then Bryan led us in communion.

As we walked back to center stage, I knew this was about to be finished. There were moments left in our ceremony, and I wanted to savor all of them.

Next thing you know, Adam is kissing me, and we’re walking down the aisle again. I was filled with joy. Adam was now my husband. And all of these people got to be a part of our covenant as witnesses. It felt like a holy moment.

There were some really important friends who were unable to be there for one reason or another, and for a moment, I felt a twinge of sadness that they weren’t there. Whether it be missions in Africa, a trip to Vermont, a newborn baby, or another wedding, I felt their absence. They were missed.

Adam and I rushed back to a private room to spend literally 2 minutes by ourselves.

We were whisked away for pictures and such. I’m not going to keep going writing about the evening, but it was perfect. There was a lot of stress around this day, and it felt incredible to have such an amazing day. All of the arguing, frustration, tension, and anxiety was forgotten on that day. The day was covered in peace and joy. It was an answer to prayer.

Here’s how I ended my journal entry on December 18th:

“My heart was full of gratitude. I so loved having Jesus be the center of our wedding. I’m first the Lord’s. My heart is His. My life is His. My whole being is His. I am grateful for the gift of Adam, but I recognize that Adam is also the Lord’s. I must hold him with an open hand and love him unconditionally, knowing that this life is not my own. My Creator and my King gets to write my story, and obviously, I must relinquish all control. My heart’s desire is to have both: God’s story and my husband with me on this journey. And hopefully, I will, but I recognize God’s way will reign supreme! Whatever that looks like. I’m convinced I had the BEST wedding ceremony of all time. It was the best day of my life!”

That was some of my wedding day.

It was perfect.