Trust and Thanksgiving

If I could sum up the season we're in right now, it would be with the words Trust and Thanksgiving.

We trust that God is faithful, and we're so very thankful every time that He shows us a glimpse of His heart for us.

Last week, the brakes on my car sounded awful enough that we decided to take it in to our mechanic. And when I say awful, I mean Adam would drive with his hand on the emergency brake because at any given point, it sounded like the brakes were going to just stop working.

Our mechanic didn't charge us for any labor. Did I mention that we are dearly loved by some families out here?! Still, I wrote a check for $558. I winced, even as I typed it. The very same week, we got a check out of the blue from someone for $500. Did I mention that God is faithful and trustworthy?! And we are humbled and very, very thankful.

We trust that God will provide for us, and we are so thankful to have such a Good Provider!

I was notified that someone gave money to my PayPal account, we received gift cards for Valentine's Day from our parents, one of my team teachers regularly treats me to lunch or random surprises, and the blessings seem unending.

On Saturday, we were calculating our expenses, looking at money coming in, and shrugged, knowing that we have no choice but to look Jesus. Sunday's message was about dissonance- when what we expect doesn't line up with what we experience. The main example? Unemployment. We're told to work hard in school, so we can get a good job after college. Well. That formula hasn't worked (And I just don't even fit in that formula). But there's others. Get married and have kids. What if you can't get pregnant? So what now? What do we do with the dissonance? How do we allow these seasons of dissonance to deepen our intimacy and mold us into beings who are relying on Jesus and trusting Him with our disappointments, confusion, and frustration. They showed a video of 3 different men sharing their journey through unemployment.

We had a time of singing, and as I stood, crying (it's kind of my thing these days), I knew that I needed to really allow the Lord to have total freedom in me in this season of dissonance. Because in my head, I've got money in savings, our parents aren't going to let us starve, etc, and if I didn't have these things, I would probably be FREAKING OUT on a regular basis. But really, God is my Provider. He is my Sustainer. He is my Source. And Adam and I could be in this season far longer than we realize, but through it, God will shape our character, cultivate intimacy, and call us deeper in our relationship with Him. And this is what we want.

So, we do trust Him, but we want to trust Him more. He gives us plenty of reasons to be thankful and acknowledge His faithfulness time and time again. We still want to be generous givers, even when we have little. Because Jesus is always going to be enough.

Trust and thankfulness. We might be here a while! And that's okay!

Remembering

Two months ago we were on our honeymoon in the Bahamas. It was delightful. And warm. And sunny.

February 13th

Since the new year, I've read 3 books.

- Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy

- Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis

- Little Princes by Conor Grennan

I've rediscovered my love for reading. I was at Target yesterday looking for a new book to read over break next week because I love reading.

Quiet Strength was a really quick read, and I felt challenged to look at the way I coach. Though few things can translate from coaching football to coaching cheerleading, it definitely had me thinking and reevaluating how I coach. I got some good quotes out of it. Adam and I had some interesting conversations about some of the concepts. I liked the book.

The next two books have been messing with my head and my heart since I started reading them. I'm hardly going to turn this post into 3 book evaluations, but I wish I could give an adequate summary of these stories.

Kisses From Katie is the story of a girl who decides to take a year between high school and college to go live in Uganda. She teaches kindergarten and volunteers in an orphanage. In the process, God wrecks her heart for Uganda, and over time, she adopts 13 beautiful girls. She currently lives in Uganda where she's raising her girls, and she's running the non-profit organization she started to clothe, feed, and educate children. There were parts of the book that left me with my mouth hung open because I knew some of her exact words had come out of my mouth. I could so easily resonate with her heart, and it was almost eerie.

A part of me felt the pain of leaving Thailand all over again. I cried as I thought of my sweet kiddos. That wound was re-opened. That longing returned. Her story had a profound impact on me. More on that later.

Little Princes, One Man's Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal was an impulsive purchase at the airport in Chicago. I didn't want to to work on my report cards during my flight, so I bought this book. I had never heard of it; I was simply drawn to it by the title and cover. I plowed through it on my flight. This story was coming from a man who wasn't a believer for most of the story. He went to Nepal on a whim, the start of a year long journey around the world. He volunteered in a children's home for 3 months where these "little princes" captured his heart. They were trafficked children, taken from the remote villages of Nepal and brought to the city to beg for the man who purchased them. The author, Conor, eventually returned to Nepal and began an organization. It's purpose is reuniting these children with their families. It's a fascinating story.

And now my heart is torn.

I love my team. I love their families. I love my preschoolers. I love the community that continues to grow around us here.

But I know this is temporary. I know there is a day when I will walk away from this place. The struggle comes with not knowing when.

Adam has a potential job opportunity that would keep us in Seattle for at least 3 more years. He doesn't feel like he could take the job unless we were willing to commit to at least three years. And something about that is almost suffocating. Though I know I would like to be here 2 more years, something about at least 3 years seems entirely too open ended.

My desire to be overseas is growing more and more. I've told Adam that at the core of who I am is someone who was created to love forgotten, unwanted, and neglected children. To care for the widow and the orphan is my heart's desire. I don't know what this will look like, or if it involves going overseas. But I feel more and more confident that God is preparing Adam and I to step into our calling in a profound way.

In the Fall of 2010, I was frustrated with being at a Christian school and my sphere of influence being strictly in a Christian environment. I spoke with a friend about this, and she challenged me to steward this season well. As we continued talking, she said she got a mental picture of a plane in a holding pattern. I remember her very clearly saying, "Marissa, you're not ready to land. You can't see what the pilot sees, so it feels like you're just circling and hovering over this landing spot, but really God is expanding your tool belt and developing your character. If you land too early, you could fail miserably. Be patient. Get everything out of this holding pattern that you can." This has stayed with me because there are days when I'm tired of the "holding pattern." But I know that I don't want to land prematurely.

So, we wait. We allow the Lord to refine us. I trust that if God placed these desires within me, He'll cultivate them. He'll be the one to bring them to fruition.

At church yesterday we sang the lines from a popular worship song, "Take my life and let it be, all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours." As I sang those words, I surrendered what I thought my life should be looking like. I offered up to Him this life I'm living right now. I want Him to be glorified in my classroom, in my team, in my marriage, in my love, and in my attitude. If I'm teaching preschool for the next 3 years, so be it. All for His glory. This life is not my own.

Take my life and let if be all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours.

2nd Place It Is!!

My team competed at their State competition yesterday. This has been a much anticipated day for all of us. I was confident they could take first place, but tried as much as I could to keep this pressure off of them. I, personally, was working for so much more than a State title, though that is one of my dreams. I was hoping to get some things changed around the school, a little respect for the cheerleaders, maybe even some practice space?? Am I asking too much??

But my team came up short. Though clearly the better team, we just didn't pull out a win. I'm working so hard to be okay with 2nd. Because they are so excited about it! And they should be. They've worked hard all season long, and I'm so excited they get to parade the halls tomorrow announcing their second place finish.

On top of falling just short, and I mean just short of my goal, I'm letting go of my favorite team. This season has been incredible and a gift. We truly have a unique thing going for us, and I have been dreading the end for a while. Last Sunday, I stood during worship and cried as I pictured my girls' faces. I prayed, and I hoped that they finished this season loving Jesus more than when we started together. Coaching is a unique opportunity, and I know that. I will miss our practices, and I can only hope I muster up some excitement for the next season.

Through all of this, Adam has been amazing. I went on numerous RANTS yesterday about the injustice of the scoring system in WIAA. I nearly cried two times as I accepted this unfair defeat. He sat through HOURS of a cheer competition, played with my hair, whispered comforting words, and agreed with me as I went on and on and on about why this is wrong. [Oh and I will do everything I can to right this situation, in case there were any doubts!]

I'm thankful for a husband who supports me in my goals and literally holds my hands through defeat. I know it may seem like I'm being dramatic, and I'm okay with you thinking that. Through getting 2nd place, I've realized anew God's given me so much in Adam. I'm thankful for Adam's competitive nature that gets angry with me. I'm thankful for Adam's compassion who knows my heart hurt with a 2nd place finish. I'm thankful for his sense of humor today as he made me laugh and took my mind off of things. I'm thankful for his devotion to me and his ability to calm me down (not an easy task in the past 24 hours).

Adam and I with the 2nd place plaque.

My dream team!!

So, we got 2nd!! Pretty darn good! :)