February 13th

Since the new year, I've read 3 books.

- Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy

- Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis

- Little Princes by Conor Grennan

I've rediscovered my love for reading. I was at Target yesterday looking for a new book to read over break next week because I love reading.

Quiet Strength was a really quick read, and I felt challenged to look at the way I coach. Though few things can translate from coaching football to coaching cheerleading, it definitely had me thinking and reevaluating how I coach. I got some good quotes out of it. Adam and I had some interesting conversations about some of the concepts. I liked the book.

The next two books have been messing with my head and my heart since I started reading them. I'm hardly going to turn this post into 3 book evaluations, but I wish I could give an adequate summary of these stories.

Kisses From Katie is the story of a girl who decides to take a year between high school and college to go live in Uganda. She teaches kindergarten and volunteers in an orphanage. In the process, God wrecks her heart for Uganda, and over time, she adopts 13 beautiful girls. She currently lives in Uganda where she's raising her girls, and she's running the non-profit organization she started to clothe, feed, and educate children. There were parts of the book that left me with my mouth hung open because I knew some of her exact words had come out of my mouth. I could so easily resonate with her heart, and it was almost eerie.

A part of me felt the pain of leaving Thailand all over again. I cried as I thought of my sweet kiddos. That wound was re-opened. That longing returned. Her story had a profound impact on me. More on that later.

Little Princes, One Man's Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal was an impulsive purchase at the airport in Chicago. I didn't want to to work on my report cards during my flight, so I bought this book. I had never heard of it; I was simply drawn to it by the title and cover. I plowed through it on my flight. This story was coming from a man who wasn't a believer for most of the story. He went to Nepal on a whim, the start of a year long journey around the world. He volunteered in a children's home for 3 months where these "little princes" captured his heart. They were trafficked children, taken from the remote villages of Nepal and brought to the city to beg for the man who purchased them. The author, Conor, eventually returned to Nepal and began an organization. It's purpose is reuniting these children with their families. It's a fascinating story.

And now my heart is torn.

I love my team. I love their families. I love my preschoolers. I love the community that continues to grow around us here.

But I know this is temporary. I know there is a day when I will walk away from this place. The struggle comes with not knowing when.

Adam has a potential job opportunity that would keep us in Seattle for at least 3 more years. He doesn't feel like he could take the job unless we were willing to commit to at least three years. And something about that is almost suffocating. Though I know I would like to be here 2 more years, something about at least 3 years seems entirely too open ended.

My desire to be overseas is growing more and more. I've told Adam that at the core of who I am is someone who was created to love forgotten, unwanted, and neglected children. To care for the widow and the orphan is my heart's desire. I don't know what this will look like, or if it involves going overseas. But I feel more and more confident that God is preparing Adam and I to step into our calling in a profound way.

In the Fall of 2010, I was frustrated with being at a Christian school and my sphere of influence being strictly in a Christian environment. I spoke with a friend about this, and she challenged me to steward this season well. As we continued talking, she said she got a mental picture of a plane in a holding pattern. I remember her very clearly saying, "Marissa, you're not ready to land. You can't see what the pilot sees, so it feels like you're just circling and hovering over this landing spot, but really God is expanding your tool belt and developing your character. If you land too early, you could fail miserably. Be patient. Get everything out of this holding pattern that you can." This has stayed with me because there are days when I'm tired of the "holding pattern." But I know that I don't want to land prematurely.

So, we wait. We allow the Lord to refine us. I trust that if God placed these desires within me, He'll cultivate them. He'll be the one to bring them to fruition.

At church yesterday we sang the lines from a popular worship song, "Take my life and let it be, all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours." As I sang those words, I surrendered what I thought my life should be looking like. I offered up to Him this life I'm living right now. I want Him to be glorified in my classroom, in my team, in my marriage, in my love, and in my attitude. If I'm teaching preschool for the next 3 years, so be it. All for His glory. This life is not my own.

Take my life and let if be all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours.