We left our home in Seattle on April 1. It's been over 12 weeks since then, and we are still in a place of transition. In the past few days I've found myself looking back. Looking back at what we left behind. Perhaps it's because we're still not sure what's coming next, so it's been easier to look back and remember instead of looking forward and dreaming of what could be.
This looking back is heightened by the fact that Nolan's birthday is coming up. Our baby boy has almost completed a full year with us. And I can't help but remember the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The stress of packing up our townhouse. The hard work put into getting our next place ready. The group effort of making a garage apartment feel like a home. I remember it all.
The past few days I've been a little blue, perhaps grieving the loss. It's not like our life in Seattle was exceptionally great. But it was ours. We were lacking consistent friends. We had no family nearby. But it's where our marriage began. It's where we became parents. It's where Marissa and Adam really took shape into our own family.
So, I miss our apartment. I miss our favorite food places. I miss the hundreds of parks we could choose from. I miss the fact that one of my girls came over to hang out every Wednesday. I miss the rhythm we had. I miss what became my normal there.
It's probably typical for me to look back and have a romanticized view on things. But the longing for what we had is stronger right now because I'm well aware of what we're lacking. Adam's still looking for a job. I'm not coaching for the first time in 6 years. We don't have our own place to live. We only have 1 car. This "in transition" season feels harder than where we were 3 months ago.
But it isn't.
My mom gave me a devotional for Mother's Day by Ann Voskamp. In the first day there was a line that jumped out at me: The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems. A few days later she goes on to talk about the pride of thanklessness. Suffice it to say it's causing me to do some heart searching.
There are days that I feel like my whole life is about Nolan.
There are weeks that I only leave my house a couple of times.
There are moments of tears, feeling lonely and sad for what we left behind.
But...
I'm determined to discover that this season is yielding more blessings than it seems. Because this life I have-- is rich! And full!
So, I'm taking on the challenge to count 1,000 gifts. I don't know that I'll always write about them. But I've got a list going. Some things seem insignificant. But those count, too.
1. The crunch when cutting lettuce
2. Nolan's sheer joy when he gets to play on our bed
3. Cloudy and cool (not blazing hot) summer mornings
4. Baby arms around my neck
5. Looking at houses for fun with Adam
6. New babies
7. Dinner I didn't cook
I am the recipient of unending graces. I'm choosing to see them. To embrace them. To count some of them.
This life is yielding thousands of blessings.
No comments:
Post a Comment