1 Month to Go

My Big Boy,

Gosh. You're growing up so fast. I keep looking at you and trying so hard to take you in, but it's really hard because you're always on the move. The times when I actually get to hold you in my lap, I savor it. I literally breathe you in and kiss you tons because these moments feel like they're coming and going so quickly. How are you about to be a big brother? Didn't I just cradle you against my chest for the first time?

We're a month away from your brother's due date! Whereas I cannot wait for pregnancy to be over, I'm cherishing these days I have with you. I'm not worried at all about having enough love for you and Simba. From the moment you came onto the scene you've been stretching and growing my ability to love. Your tiny little self made my heart explode within seconds of laying eyes on you, and I cannot count how many times that's continued to happen in the last 20 months of your life. Of course I have room in this heart of mine to love another because you've already created so much space in it! 

But Buddy, things are going to change. There's going to be another little boy needing me too. And just because I don't get "up, up, up" right away for you doesn't mean I love you any less. Just because I can't hold you every time those perfect arms reach up for me doesn't mean I want to hold you any less. We're just gonna grow a little bit. You'll thank me one day. Just know, my love for you is not changing. Our family is changing. But there's nothing that could possibly make me love you less. 

You, Nolan, light up my days. Your smile melts me. Your giggle makes me giggle. Your hands in my hair might relax me as much as it comforts you. I'll never tire of you wanting me to pinch your booty, sing to you at night, or the way you plop down on my lap even with a very big belly in the way. 

I know I was trying to coach you to call yourself a big boy, but I had to stop. Because, Nolan, you are still my baby boy. And I know you'll look like a giant the second Simba makes his entrance, but for right now...for the next month...you are my only baby. You're my sweet baby boy who makes me want to be a better Mama everyday. 

I love you, handsome boy. I love your curls. I love your shy smile when people are talking to you at the store. I love your little language that is developing so much. I love the way you ask for bunny snacks by hopping. I love that you love music. I love watching you at the zoo. I love that you are enamored with throwing rocks into the river. I just love every fiber of your being. I'm so happy to be your mom. 

Noley, we're in this thing together. Life's going to get crazy up in here very soon. But I'm so excited to watch you become a big brother. You are going to be amazing! I love you, son. Forever and ever. 

Love,

Mama