A Memory

I had one of those moments yesterday when I was relishing in an Adam memory, and I realized that I needed to get it written down before it gets fuzzy. 

It's a story that's been told many times, but it gets told less and less the longer we've been married. 

I moved out to Seattle in August of 2010, and on the drive out there is really when Adam and I started texting and never stopped. In the beginning of the school year (I was a teacher- which is crazy!), our communication was sporadic, but we checked in with each other here and there. After all, I was in survival mode. By the time we reached end of October, early November, we kicked the frequency up a notch. Then once we hit December, we really were texting every day, mind you, with a 3 hour time difference [This is crazy to think about now].

When I came home for Christmas break, it was understood that we would hang out, but at this point, there had been no serious feelings discussions at all. I was getting pretty invested though.

So, we hung out a couple of times and with other people, still no feelings talk. We decided to meet at Starbucks to hang out one more time because I was headed to Florida the next day to work FCC Nationals. We played cards and talked at Starbucks for hours. I'm not exaggerating. I think we were there for almost 3 hours.

I needed to go, and as I walked to the car, I decided that I couldn't keep engaging in this weird friendship that was becoming way too important to me. If Adam wasn't interested, I need to pull back. Big time.

So, we said good-bye, and I sat in the car to try and figure out where I was meeting my family for dinner. I listened to my voicemails. And just as I was about to turn the car on to leave, Adam was knocking at the passenger side door. And he looked almost panicked. 

I unlocked the doors, and he opened the passenger side door. He said, "Marissa, I think I have feelings for you. I'm so attracted to you, blah blah blah." His speech went on for a few minutes. He told me all really great things, and I tried to keep up. But honestly, my mind was reeling. I had just prepared to start icing Adam out, and here he was saying that he'd move to Seattle for me instead of moving to Cambodia for IJM. 

When he finished spilling his heart out, he just looked at me. I now know that he was fully anticipating me to fall into his arms, completely swept up by the romantic gesture he just made. Instead I calmly and plainly asked, "What am I supposed to do with that?" 

To which he was stunned.

The conversation that followed is told very differently by the two of us. Actually, the whole story is told differently by us. Adam's version has much more dramatic flair, and surprise, surprise, paints him to be a hero. 

We pass by this Starbucks often, and I often smile, as I remember us sitting in the car in late December as the beginning of our relationship really took shape. I can laugh now when I think about how nervous Adam must have been the whole time we were at Starbucks, knowing he needed to come out with it, but playing it so cool that he almost lost his chance with me altogether. 

I love to remember the early days of Adam and me because life is full of diapers and tantrums and dishes and exhaustion. There's not a lot of margin for Adam and I to just be husband and wife. Because begin Mommy and Daddy is so beautifully demanding and consuming. But I love the way God wrote our story. I love that He was gentle with my heart, as He knew I needed a friend first.  

You can be sure that I've said many a times, "Remember when you said you think you have feelings for me? When were you sure?" To which Adam always responds with, "Remember when I poured out my heart to you and you coldly answered with, 'What am I supposed to with that?'" 

I'm so glad he mustered up the courage to turn his car around and come knock on my window. Best Starbucks date yet.