I went back to read something on here 2 days ago, and I came across my end of year posts for 2015 and 2016. I didn't think I'd get this done before crossing over to 2018, but here it goes.
I confess that we are ending this year feeling heavy hearted, and I hope I do good job recapping the year.
Lighthouse- Adam got a new job in February. We entered into the world of Lighthouse Family Retreats. This non-profit organization serves families that are living through childhood cancer. We served on our first trip in April, and I loved it! I loved serving with Adam. I loved that our kids were so young and getting immersed in a week of putting others first. I LOVE the people Adam works with. This new job did bring a lot of travel. Our summer was a blur because Adam was in and out so much. But all in all, I'm so very thankful that Lighthouse became a part of our lives.
Church- This year of church has been so, so hard. There was a significant transition that occurred in January, and we're still struggling through all of it. We clung hard to our community group that we so dearly loved, and it eventually dissolved by August. We powered through, adding new couples to what was left of our group. But it's just been a continual challenge. I look back on my posts the last 2 years about how significant our involvement in church and community group has been, and it makes sense that this element of our 2017 felt so hard.
Fostering- Oh boy! This could be an entire post. We spent the first half of 2017 doing all the training, paperwork, and leg work to get licensed and approved to be a foster family. That felt like an all out sprint. And then July 31st we got our first placement. And he came into our lives like a wrecking ball!! I remember being in a mental fog the first month of the placement trying to keep up with the rules, the appointments, the phone calls. Oh my goodness! We did in fact settle in, as did our little guy. But he has been a FORCE of refinement in our lives. Nothing has shed light on my own selfishness like fostering. Loving this little boy day in and day out has been hard. HARD. He can be so unbelievably easy going and just in a blink become irritable and agitated. But sometimes it hits like a freight train that I AM THIS KID'S MOM right now. He looks to me like I'm his mom. He's so young that I know I fill that role in his life. THAT is unbelievably humbling. You know who cheered on his first steps? Me. You know who is coaching him through his first words? Me. Do you know who he gets most excited to see? Me. And I am not a permanent mom in his life, and that literally brings me to tears. He's already lost his actual mom (for now), and pretty soon he's going to be transitioned into the foster home where his siblings are. He's going to lose me, too. It puts a pit in my stomach. But I say this over and over when discussing the hard parts of fostering- HE DESERVES TO HAVE SOMEONE DOING HARD THINGS ON HIS BEHALF. These kids need more people entering into the brokenness that is fostering.
Turning 30- I turned 30 this year, and I had ZERO ill feelings about this milestone. Literally zero. I turned thirty this year with an amazing husband, who I'm still crazy about. I have two very healthy boys that I get to stay home with. This is the life I want to be living. However. Despite repeated pleadings to my husband for there to be no surprise birthday party for me, HE planned a surprise birthday party for me. I knew it was coming. He wasn't all that sneaky or careful with the planning. And I remember telling him over and over, "I don't have a lot of friends. Please don't let a party happen!" I felt certain that a birthday party would expose the reality that I don't have a lot of friends. Well, sure enough, the party happened. And in the midst of it, I did feel insecure about who came. But I look back on the party so differently today. In the midst of the fostering struggle and some other heartaches, I've had a group of 4 ladies rally around me and carry me through some hard times. 3 out of 4 of those ladies were at my birthday party. And I think, "How lucky am I that I have friends that love me in the midst of my selfishness and step into sorrow with me!" I look back on my friends who drove 2 H O U R S to come celebrate my birthday and feel so loved. I have family who have been generous and selfless in their love towards me and my family. My brother and his family actually drove down JUST FOR MY PARTY. I have no doubts the enemy wanted to rob me of joy that day of my party. I was actually in the middle of a Bible study about exposing the enemy's schemes. I remember standing at my parent's sink during the party combating thoughts in my head that were not true. I'm so thankful that I get to look back on my surprise party with different eyes and be grateful for HOW RICHLY BLESSED I am by the people in my life.
Nolan- As hard as fostering has been, there's been so much good to come out of it. Nolan's steady love for our little boy has been incredible. One week I was feeling especially worn down from the all the demands of fostering, and Adam graciously let me take just Nolan and Isaac to the zoo. When I told them where we were going, there were squeals of glee. I told them it would just be the three of us, and without even skipping a beat, Nolan said, "Awww. I wish Sammy could come with us!" In Nolan's eyes, he is one of us. He belongs with us. And it's indescribable for me as a mom to watch him love Sammy so well and so freely. He has done so much better at this than Adam and I have. Nolan is so hospitable, and even so in his heart. He has no problem welcoming Sammy in, loving him for as long as he's going to be here. It's humbling.
6 years Married- and still loving every bit of it. This month, especially, we think about our marriage each year. And this particular year, I've never been more thankful for Adam. There have been some low, low moments this year, and he has held me through them. We have laughed lots and literally danced some nights away. He is my favorite. From May to October we went on literally 1 date together. That was a tough, tiring stretch. But I'm so thankful. SO THANKFUL that this is the man who chose me, and I chose him.
It's been a full year. I'm not sad to close this one out.
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