You're five, little boy. You hold up a whole hand when people ask you how old you are, and I'm just not sure how I feel about it. Watching you get older just toys with my heart. While I love seeing you grow and own who you are as a bigger boy, I ache knowing that these little years have slipped by. Time can be such a trickster.
This past year held a little bit of magic that I hope I treasure forever. I watched you welcome and love Sammy in a way that even Mommy struggled to do at times. You truly loved him and cared for him in a selfless way that I wanted to emulate. You often considered him more important than yourself, and your pursuit of him would not be hindered despite his struggle to connect with others. Nolan, it was unbelievable. I'll never forget your heart for Sammy. I can only hope it extends to the next kiddo that enters our home.
You still have an enthusiasm for life that is unparalleled. You are exuberant and energetic in all things. You take delight in life's simplest joys, and I absolutely adore that about you.
On several occasions, you were my biggest cheerleader, and it dissolved my heart into a puddle every time. I took on a few baking jobs this spring that nearly sent me over the edge. You genuinely and whole heartedly believed in me and cheered me on. I won't forget putting you to bed, knowing I still had to conquer another dozen cake pops, and you wrapped your arms around my neck and said, "You got it, Mommy! I know you can do it!" I literally cried. And you celebrated my job completed the next morning. Buddy, you are the best!
This year we certainly had our fair share of butting heads. Honestly, kid, your inclination to argue can make my head hurt. But I've tried and tried to tell myself that this can all be for good one day. I sure do hope you argue for what is right and just in your future. I hope you stand up for Truth and defend the weak. Because oh my word, you can wear a person down.
I love you, Nolan. I feel like I've failed you so many times, yet you love me regardless. You've extended forgiveness when I didn't deserve it, and I'm grateful. Watching you transition into a big kid will probably keep me on an emotional rollercoaster. And I've mostly accepted that.
Buddy, I love you. I like you. I enjoy you. And I'm proud of you.
Always.
Love,
Mommy
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