Weddings

This could get choppy...I apologize.

Adam and I were eating lunch today, discussing the wedding, specifically the cost of feeding people at the reception. I'm highly cost cautious, and trying to plan a wedding and maintain my frugal tendencies is proving to be quite the challenge. I got really frustrated with the conversation, and we just dropped it. I was kind of somber as we walked to Barnes & Noble. We're both wanting to keep the most important part of December 17th at the forefront of our planning: celebrating our marriage covenant with the people we love.

I was glad we planned to spend a couple of hours in the bookstore. We went our separate ways inside, and I mulled over my wedding dilemmas. I decided to change routes and just pick a book to start reading. I perused the cookbooks (some things don't change), scanned the educational books, and then headed for the biographies. It's been a while since I immersed myself in someone else's story, and I felt like today would be a good day.

As I scanned the shelves, I found a book that caught my eye. I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced. I picked it up, sat down, and began reading. After 19 pages, I was engulfed and needed to relocate to sit up against a wall as I continued reading.

Perhaps you are familiar with her story, but I was not. This little girl lived in a country village of Yemen where no one really knew her birthday nor could her parents say with confidence how old she was. In fact, her mom had to really use brain power to figure out the birth order of her children. Time was not kept with a calendar, just the rising and setting of the sun. Her mom birthed 16 children, several of them dying before they reached the age of 2 due to lack of any medical attention. She birthed her children on a wooden mat, cut the cord with a kitchen knife, and bathed her newborns in whatever water they could find. Life in this village was not easy, but young Nujood described it as paradise.

Her story unfolds; it involves moving and losing family members, a lot of change for a little girl. And at the age of 10, which is just a guess, her father married her off to a 30 year old man for the value of $750. Her husband violently consummated their marriage, and she was introduced to her new life as a wife. But better called a slave. At 10 years old. Night after night of beatings and horror, she came to hate her life and desperately wish for the nightmare to end.

At this point in the book, I'm physically ill and my mind is reeling, trying to wrap my brain around her life. I'm fully aware that this is not an isolated story. And I cannot fathom living out her story.

Her husband allows her to visit her family in the city, and she tells of her life, pleading for help. Her mom's response, "This is the life of a woman." Her dad refuses to help and even says she will dishonor him by doing anything other than staying with her husband. Can I reiterate that she is ten years old? She finally refused to re-enter her personal hell and marches straight to the courthouse, demanding a divorce. The story is long and detailed, but thankfully, she is victorious. At the age of 10, she does it. She gets divorced, finds freedom, and gains her life back. She re-enters school, returns home, and works through the pain and shame of her childhood trauma.

After I finished the book, I went and sat next to Adam who was sitting about 50 yards away, also against the wall, also reading a book. I put my head on his shoulder and the tears started flowing. Not to anyone's surprise, I'm sure. I tried to pull myself together. I took one look at Adam and started sobbing. He held me close and eventually I had to get up to find a bathroom. I know he was thinking, "WHY did she read that book?!"

But my wedding dilemma just became a non-issue.

As I cried on Adam, I couldn't help but frantically ask questions. Why am I so privileged that I was born in the States? Why did Nujood suffer so greatly and I not at all? Why is this still happening? How come little girls are victim of this all the time? The more questions I asked, the harder I cried.

My wedding day is going to look drastically different than Nujood's. I look forward to that day with excitement and longing, and she shuddered in fear and cried incessantly. I am thankful that our families have literally hundreds of people who want to celebrate this covenant with us. Nujood's own father sold her for $750. The gap between my wedding and her wedding will be indescribable.

I could barely look at Adam as I found composure. I felt so overwhelmed by the grace of God in my life. I couldn't get words out because it would have led to further breakdown. Why God chose to lavishly pour out His grace in my life, I will never know. I am so undeserving yet so grateful.

This little girl would talk about crying out to Allah, and my heart would just break. To live that life and recover from it without Jesus is unfathomable to me. The hopelessness of life is too dark. My heart longs to bring Jesus to people who know nothing but hopelessness. The saving and healing power of Jesus could radically change Nujood's life.

Thrust in my face is not just the gap in cultures, rights, and freedoms. Also the gap in who Christians are called to be and how we are currently representing Jesus Christ to the dying world around us. I suppose I should be more specific and make less generalizations. Though I would love to cast stones at the Western Church and how inward focused we have become, I must first examine my own short comings in this area.

I am called to be the salt of the Earth, a bringer of hope, and bearer of light. To passionately pursue justice on behalf of the oppressed and freedom for those in captivity. This is my heart beat, but one wouldn't know that at a cursory glance. I long to see the glory of God put on magnificent display in the darkest places. How I wish Nujood had a relationship with Jesus! As I entered into her story, I got a reminder of the broken and fallen world I live in. I have so much to be excited about right now and can easily go through a day without thinking about stories like Nujood, sadly.

As I continue to plan our wedding, I will inevitably get frustrated again. But I hope I can remember this little girl's story and close the gap on who Jesus wants me to be and who I currently am.

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause.

Early Morning Reflections

This morning I lay in bed fiddling with my ring, genuinely enjoying the beauty of it. But the excitement about what it represents is what keeps bubbling up in me. Yes, it is gorgeous, but I get to marry Adam. He is a fine balance of strength and tenderness, but yesterday, his tender heart took over.

Adam was eager to pick me up yesterday morning, which was completely abnormal. He's a slow riser and doesn't move so quickly once he's up. He offered to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to take to the park with us and before I knew it, we were off to Edmond's beach, lunch and frisbee in stow.

Shockingly, Adam was fairly calm on the way to the beach. He did, however, miss the exit. Now I know, he was highly distracted, and it's surprising he didn't have to turn around more than once. We parked the car and casually walked through Edmonds as we headed towards the beach.

I was eager to sit down and eat my PB&J, but Adam just wanted to walk in the sand for a little bit. After telling me no repeatedly, he put our stuff down and pulled out a Bible. He read Ephesians 5:25-28 which talks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church. He told me he would always try to do just that. He told me the Bible was a gift for me. On the front it said Marissa Nichole Tomberlin. Though I knew he was about to propose, there was an odd reaction to seeing that name.

He got down on one knee, and my mind started racing. I was literally thinking, "Oh my gosh! He's proposing. Pay attention to what he's saying!!" Unfortunately, I missed a lot of what he said as I was trying to coach myself to focus. What I do vividly remember, is the look on his face as he briefly reflected on the 3 year journey that brought him to that moment. The emotion was thick in his voice and his tears ready to surface. When he finished with, "Marissa, will you marry me?" I was literally speechless- which is not normal. I nodded my head and quickly kissed him.

And in the moments after the ring went on my finger, I wanted to freeze time. I stood there holding onto Adam as we laughed giddily and celebrated the goodness of God in our lives. We are so blessed and so deeply loved. Throughout the day I would look at my ring, and then look at Adam with confidence and joy and hopefulness. He's going to be my husband. Other than the fact that I genuinely enjoy spending time with Adam because he makes me laugh hysterically and makes life more enjoyable, I look forward to our future because I know without a shadow of doubt that Adam loves God immeasurably more than he loves me. He desires to push us closer to Him and walk whatever road God has for us with a submissive heart. That is a man I want to do life with.

My parents and my sister surprised me by being just a couple blocks away from the proposal site, and I walked into a coffee shop to find them there waiting. I can't adequately express how much that blessed me. I knew going into engagement that I didn't really have people in Seattle that would be excited for me (other than my team full of teenagers and my preschool parents), so having them here to celebrate with us meant so very much to me. Their enthusiasm for this season of my life and eagerness to embrace this man is a gift I hope I stay grateful for in the coming months. Adam's parents are coming Monday, and I thankfully will get to spend a whole week with my family in Florida very soon. Ryann Grace is already pumped to wear a fancy dress in my wedding!

Some other morning, I hope to take the time to reflect on the journey over the past year. God's faithfulness and grace are constant themes in my life. I'm really excited to be right where I am, and I feel so loved by God.

And that is my engagement story.

Really?!

It's Saturday, June 11th. Which means I officially have no students in my care. How we got here, I'm not really sure. That was a super fast school year, and I'm extremely grateful for this first year of teaching.

Last week I was trying to tell Adam how I was feeling about the school year being over, and the tears just started coming. That day one of my little girls in the 4s class came up to me and said, "Miss Rodriguez, my new school isn't going to teach me about Jesus. And they won't pray for my owies. And we won't sing to God." Instantly I had tears in my eyes. But I quickly swallowed them and reassured my sweet friend that she still gets to go to church and Mommy and Daddy will keep teaching her about Jesus. She nodded her head, gave me a hug, and went back to playing.

See, it's not that I think I'm the best teacher for these little guys; I just desperately want someone teaching their minds and their hearts. As important as it is to be reading, writing, and conquering math facts, their hearts are in need of training, guiding and nurturing. I'm confident their teachers next year will love them deeply. It's hard not to love these guys. Really hard. But I want someone helping them identify truth. Someone who will guide them as they turn their hearts more and more towards the Father. Someone who will carefully speak life into them with a gentle voice and gracious smile. Let me be clear, my voice wasn't always gentle nor my gracious smile always present. But I long for these kids to know and love Jesus.

This week was a good week for us. We played lots of games, sang our silly songs, and laughed through it all. On Wednesday each kid made their own scoop of ice cream in a plastic bag. I did this experiment when I was in middle school, but I knew my kids could do it. They thought I was performing a magic trick when their back of milk, sugar, and vanilla turned into ice cream after shaking it for 5 minutes in another bag of ice. The looks on their faces when I would scoop the ice cream out- priceless. I got major cool points that day!

Hand made ice cream demands toppings, you know?!

I do have the cutest class, in case there were any doubts.

Adam and I worked all week long on making memory books for each kid in my 4s class. It included artwork from throughout the year, pictures of our fun times, all of the memory verses we memorized, and it ended with a picture of me with each kid and a note to them. Each book was uniquely theirs, and it took a LONG time. Adam was a real trooper to help me out.

Yesterday we had a fun day, and when there was just 10 minutes left in class, I gathered them all together for one final Circle time. One of my little guys burst into tears because it was the last day of school. "Joy" from my previous post told me she had water in her eyes the night before because she only got to come to school one more time. Gosh, I love them!

I sat them down, told them I loved them and always would. I gave each kiddo their book and a hug. We packed up, and walked out to carline for the last time together. Thankfully, I had arranged for all of us to go to the park for a picnic and final play time. The goodbye wasn't too sad because I knew I was about to go play with them. Adam came with me to the park to meet my kids and the parents, and it was so fun!

It also stopped Miss Rodriguez from shedding any tears. The parents were so kind, and they continued to beg me to move up to kindergarten. Almost every parent was intentional about thanking me for loving their child. It was a real sweet time, and all the moms were relieved to meet Adam. He was his usual charming self, and I'm fairly confident Adam made me more of a person to these moms instead of just their kid's teacher.

I had to go back to work, so I couldn't stay long. I hugged each kid and each mom, and off I went. Adam was bracing himself for waterworks, but it was the perfect way for me to say bye. We went back to my classroom where Adam stayed for the rest of the afternoon helping me clean my classroom. What a sweet man!

This year certainly had it's challenges, but I mostly feel deeply blessed to know and love the 35 preschoolers I hung out with every week. I can't believe I'm going to go 8 weeks without hearing preschool conversations, watching preschool imaginations at work, and hugging their sticky selves. I am confident I have the best job at the school.

To think that a year ago I was in the middle of an FCC summer, hoping to move at the end of it but had no clue where I would end up. To see what God has done in the past year is truly amazing. The provision of this job, the ways my heart has loved and been loved, and the personal growth that has come from moving across the country has been remarkable. I miss the people I left immensely. There are days that I long for that community again. But I am so grateful for where I am right now. My time out here has looked COMPLETELY different than what I envisioned before I moved, but I love the life I'm living.

I am oh so blessed!

He's here!

Last Friday, boyfriend arrived in Seattle to stay. His gracious and generous dad made the 4 day journey out here, and he helped Adam settle in to his new apartment. I'm 100% confident Adam's dad was given certain tasks to accomplish by his wife who was not feeling so wonderful about the move. In fact, she nearly fainted when she heard we unpacked his kitchen items without lining the shelves. I find shelf liner completely unnecessary, but I assure you, there is shelf liner in Adam's apartment.

It's been a fun week with Adam here. It's been funny, just for now, to see how we do things differently. We went grocery shopping, and we were constantly differing in one of us going for name brand and the other going for generic. Anyone who knows me well, knows which one I was pushing for. We've laughed a lot and spent a lot of time thankful that our long distance relationship is over!

Wednesday I shed some tears about my graduating 4s class (that's another post), and Adam handled it with great ease. He let me lay my head on his lap and just cry. And then he prayed for my heart and prayed for my kids. Adam is not known for his compassion or his ability to empathize, so I appreciated his gentleness and care. We ran errands that night, and it was probably my favorite part of our time together so far. It was wonderful to have a companion for some of the more mundane things of life. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee in my pants. We made an impromptu yogurt stop, and it was a great way to spend the evening.

It's reassuring that Adam can play both parts- sensitive and comedy extraordinaire. In general, life got better upon Adam's arrival. This week involved much less sleep and NO free time, but I know that will level off soon.

And for all the Seattle haters out there, it's a perfectly sunny day. No cloud in the sky, and it's going to reach 77 today. BEAUTIFUL!!

Self Esteem Boost

Some moments in my 3s class I'm at the end of my patience, and then 30 seconds later, I'm laughing out loud. It's normal to swing between these two places. And it makes it both exhausting and entertaining.

Today, I was demonstrating how I wanted them to paint a rainbow with the watercolors. Mind you, it's perfectly normal for me to demonstrate each project we do. I painted the red, orange, yellow, and I was working on the green. One of my little guys who speaks Russian says, "Miss Rodriguez, that is awesome! Awesome, awesome, awesome. Just so cool. You do so good!"

I picked my head up to see what the expression on his face seemed to be. He appeared to be completely genuine; I therefore did not want to burst into uncontrollable laughter. I smiled and said, "Thanks, buddy!" He just nodded and watched me very intently as I continued to paint.

So, in case I was questioning my ability to paint a computer generated rainbow with watercolors, I'm reassured that I am more than competent. Clearly I'm awesome at it.

And clearly I use the word "awesome" quite frequently to praise their work.

Public Declaration

For years I've been drawn to the idea of adoption. I can remember being in high school, confident that I wanted to adopt when I was older. There is a deep place in me that feels called to love unwanted and forgotten children. Now, I realize that some people put their child up for adoption because they love their baby so much that releasing them into someone else's care is the greatest form of sacrificial love they can show. But let's be honest, there's plenty of stories not involving sacrificial love.

The older I get and the closer I become to having a family, the desire to adopt is only growing. Dare I say it may even be part of my calling.

I can remember quite vividly when I was in Thailand having this picture in my head of a big house on a piece of land with broken children scattered about outside the house. And I would mentally stare at that picture, longing to bring those children inside the house. My house.

The year leading up to my move to Seattle was quite unique. I spent several nights in my basement playing my keyboard and spending time with the Lord. When I had nothing to pray, I would play and let the cries of my heart come forth. I was downstairs playing one time, and I had a similar, vivid picture. It was a large house in a beautiful place and the words restore, redeem, renew, and rejoice were written in the house. That was what the house was for- restoration, redemption, renewal, rejoicing, and ultimately releasing. And I could see children, teenagers, and young adults all around the house. I longed, once again, to bring them in.

As I've been on this journey with my boyfriend, and we continue to get more and more serious, the issue of adoption has come up a few times. The first time, I just casually mentioned that I wanted to adopt, and that I wanted a big family. The second time, I mentioned that I would love for my adopted kids to outnumber the kids I birthed. Then I finally just said that I would be okay with not personally birthing any children, but adopting all my kids. [yes, I know this could change.] Boyfriend has been able to track with me up until the last doozie. He wants a big family, has no objections to adoption (though he has no idea how those adoptions will be funded), and is totally cool with the idea of adopting several children. The last one...we may or may not argue about that later.

Adam, boyfriend, is a defender and protector by nature. He hates injustice on any scale. When Delta messed up my flight, whoa buddy! He went to work making sure that situation was made right. He literally didn't sit down until the problem was fixed. That would be a minor example. He longs to defend the rights and innocence of children suffering from injustice. This desire runs just as deep in him as does my desire to love unwanted and forgotten children. There is a very real anger that rises up in him when he thinks about human trafficking.

We can't help but wonder if God is going to wed these two things together. And obviously we would be included in that wedding process.

I publicly declare, I want to adopt or at least position myself to open my home and my heart to love unwanted children. I do not know what this will look like. I do not know if this will happen in the States. I do not know much. I do know that God has been cultivating and growing this within me for years.

Isaiah 58:6-11

"Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
⁷Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
⁹Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
¹⁰ if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
¹¹And the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall belike a watered garden,
like a spring of water,

whose waters do not fail.

Ambushed

Teacher appreciation week is overwhelming!!

Everyday my students were bringing in gifts, and I just did NOT know what to do with myself. I am their preschool teacher. I mean, I personally value my time with them, but some of these parents went WAY above and WAY beyond with their outpouring of love and appreciation. I wish my camera was working so I could take a picture of my bounty.

13 kids brought me flowers. For a one bedroom apartment, that's a LOT of flowers!! It was quite interesting getting them all home too. Some of them are still at work because I just could not get them all safely transported.

I got cookbooks, gift cards, flip flops (these people know me well!), baked goods, storybooks, craft supplies, and a wide variety of other gift items. It was unbelievable. On Friday right before class was ending, all of the parents of my 4s class showed up to bless me with a gift basket and to say thank you. It was very kind. The kids were so cute because they thought it was my birthday each day. One little boy kept asking, "How old are you now, Miss Rodriguez?" He did not understand why I was getting so many presents if it was not my birthday!

Yesterday was also our West Fest carnival. The school sets up a carnival for the elementary students. My cheerleaders had 2 booths. Most of the other athletic teams had booths, as did clubs, classes, and ministries of the school. It was super fun! And totally sunny. I got sunburned!! I tried to get all of my preschoolers to come, and I saw SO MANY of them. It was wonderful. Some of them are genuinely confused to see me outside of my classroom, but most of them were genuinely excited to see their teacher dressed like a cowgirl at the carnival.

We have 3 weeks of school left. I'll see my 3s class 6 more times, and my 4s class 8 more times. When I think about it like that- it's unreal. My time with them is dwindling fast. Don't get me wrong: I'm PUMPED for summer!! I will, however, deeply miss their hugs and laughter. When I think about saying bye to those in my 4s class who are changing schools, I easily get tears in my eyes. June 10th will be filled with bittersweet emotions.

I love my kids so very much. It makes me sad that some of my little ones will go into kindergarten, and their teacher may not love Jesus. I want them to keep memorizing Scripture and praying before school starts, but I know this cannot be for some of them. I'm already praying that God cultivates what's been deposited in their hearts, and that they can continue to know the love of their Father.

I do hope we love our time together. I'm reminded of my desire for my Thailand kids to just be really well behaved for the last couple of weeks, so I didn't have to discipline them. I have similar sentiments. Can't we all just get along for the next 3 weeks?! Can we laugh a lot and disobey less? Can you hug me tightly and listen the first time? Please?

I am amazed at how much I love these kids. Teachers who have been teaching for years and years- how do you do this?