Real Life

My cheer team has been more and more intrigued by my wedding as it gets closer and closer. Some of their questions make me laugh really hard. Often after I answer they respond with, "For my wedding..." And I just smile at them.

I mean, should I burst their bubble? Their wedding probably won't be how they imagine or dream it to be right now. Just once I casually mentioned the foreign concept that maybe, just maybe, their groom to be will have an opinion about the day too. To which they respond with looks of horror!! How dare this fictional man contradict a single detail of their dream wedding!!

They are in high school, so I don't push the issue.

But what I want to say is this: real life is different than that dream world of yours!

This wedding process has not been what I imagined it to be. I was never a girl to dream in detail about my wedding because I never felt guaranteed the gift of marriage. Sure, I had some picture of what I would want the day to look like, but I didn't spend hours upon hours dreaming up this day. This wedding process has been the beginning of bringing two families together, and that is just not always (ever?) easy. There's been lots of give and take, compromise, and refocusing on the main thing. I'm so excited for our wedding day; it will be one of the best days of my life to date. But I'm far more excited for our marrige.

I wish I could convince these girls to hold loosely to all their wedding dreams, but I know that it won't actually mean anything right now.

Because what's way better than the wedding they are envisioning, is the real life romance which is better than any chick flick they watch. I've watched a girly movie or two with these girls, and now that I'm very much in love with Adam, I always feel the need to tell them that romance as portrayed in movies is not real. But the real version is so. much. better.

They've often said, "Why can't real life be like the movies?" And I'm just so thankful it's not. I'm so thankful that falling in love takes longer than the 2 weeks we see in a movie. The beauty of being truly known by the man you love does not compare to any cheesy chick flick.

Their real life wedding will probably be different than the one they are dreaming about; I can only hope their real life love story will be far better than the ones they see on TV and think they want.

November 17

We're getting married in a month!! This picture is from April, but I feel like this could've been yesterday. Or Tuesday. Or Monday. Get the idea?

30 more days.

Now or Never

It's no secret that I'm an ultra-competitive person. I can turn literally anything into a competition. Adam and I will race each other down the stairs, to the car, in the grocery store, etc. I turn conditioning into competitions for my team all. the. time. No shave November is a current competition with my team (I will win). I thrive on competition, but I hate losing. Hate it.

This year, my team is competing for the first time, and I'm thrilled about it. I started planning their competition season, routine, music- all of it- before the season ever started. In fact, last year's season wasn't even over yet. Coaching a team that didn't compete last year was a challenge for me. This is where I feel most natural.

Having said that, my focus is not entirely on competition. Not even close. Last winter I picked the theme "Now or Never" for them, and it's what we come back to all the time. Though it has implications for our team physically and mentally, the main thing is this: our time is now to walk in who God created us to be and to further His kingdom wherever we are right now. I don't expect crazy accolades from them; I just desperately want them pushing each other towards good works and deeper relationships with Jesus. If we can't get this aspect right, we're doomed on the competition mat.

Though at times I feel like I'm fighting an upward battle solo, I get glimpses of hope that they're "getting it."

We're 26 days away from our first competition. Yes, they compete a week before our wedding. I know, I know. I'm crazy.

I spend HOURS thinking about these girls, their competitions, their strengths, their weaknesses, and everything that needs to happen in the next few weeks. As a coach, I battle all the time with lowering my expectations or pulling them up to where I want them. Poor Adam has heard far more about this team than he ever wanted to hear. So many times he'll say, "Just let me condition them one time!" They might not live to see a second time.

Yesterday at church, I kept thinking about my team and my desire to see them be people of hope here at Cedar Park. I want them living out their relationships with Jesus in a real and authentic way. We sang The Stand, and I had a mental picture of us arms locked together and lifted high with hearts abandoned before the Lord. That is what I want. More than earning respect. More than gym space to practice in. More than a super talented team. More than winning state. I want a team unified before the Lord, wholly surrendered before Him.

This has been my hardest season of coaching simply because coaching their hearts is equally as hard as coaching their skills. I love my team more than I can explain, but they have challenged me to be a better coach, better mentor, and better giver of grace. I often leave practices flat out stumped. I feel like I'm constantly asking God for wisdom and strength when it comes to leading them.

I do feel very strongly about this cheer season. God has a unique thing for us this year, and I want to soak everything out of it that I can. It's now or never, and my prayer is that we pick NOW.

We must.

In Case You Were Wondering...

Yes. I do have to go to a football game tonight that is an hour and a half away with an 8:00 start time that is expected to be 36 degrees. Go Eagles!

Yes. I do have all of my report cards to do because I haven't started any of them. They don't need to be finished until the 18th, so naturally, I'll wait a little bit longer.

Yes. My wedding dress has arrived!! I get to try it on after work on Monday.

Yes. I do crave Mexican food on an almost daily basis. I've been meeting that craving with my awesome queso fresco & chipotle flavored Laughing Cow cheese. So, correct. It doesn't come close to actually meeting the craving.

Yes. I am taking vitamin C everyday, but I feel like I'm coming really close to getting sick. The lack of sleep probably is the problem.

Yes. I am getting married in 43 days. And one of the most helpful tips from premarital counseling thus far is this: don't discuss problems if your heart rate is over 100. Take a timeout instead. I actually applied this in practice last week. I could tell my heart rate shot up because I was mad, so I called a literal timeout.

Yes. It pains me that I haven't gotten to cuddle my new niece. She is beautiful.

Yes. I wore the same shirt twice this week. On purpose.

Yes. The basement in which I live is positively freezing each morning. Taking a shower in the morning is just too painful.

Yes. I'm trying to avoid cleaning my classroom.

Robbed and Showered and Housed

So. Exciting news in the life of Marissa and Adam.

My house got robbed on Friday. They broke in through the glass doors on the main level, and they did a quick sweep of both levels of the house. Thankfully, I wasn't the first one home after the break in. I came home to cops on my street and one of my housemates outside the door.

A laptop, camera, jewelry, and cash were all stolen. The cash was mine, and it was a significant amount. As in, the laptop, camera, and jewelry did not add up to the amount of cash stolen. I know. WHY did I have that kind of cash in my house? Long story.

My room was ransacked. The other girls'rooms were clawed through. It was an eventful Friday.

I was most upset about the stolen cash. Shocker.

The next morning, I was blessed to have my preschool parents throw me a shower. All of the parents from last year's class came and a few from this year's class came too. It was at the same house of the people who had me over last spring and loved me in such meaningful ways. I wish I had taken pictures of the decor because it was simply wonderful. She does everything 100%! The little girl from my class last year got to stay, and she was cute as can be.

She loved handing me the presents. She begged me to move in with them, saying, "I always wanted a sister!" Too cute! Of all the presents I received that day, the one she made was by far my favorite:

She painted that canvas. It took her 2 hours on the practice run and 2 hours on this one. I love it so much. It will definitely be hanging up in our home! I was showered with love, gifts, praise, and prayer. It was a great time of fellowship right after a disturbing evening.

Oh! And there's Adam. Looking thrilled about all of the presents taking over his apartment.

What a man! We also put money down on a townhouse. Sadly for me, it's in Bothell. We will be leaving the city, but it's a good compromise for now. I'm just pumped to have a place that will be ours. I get to move in right after Thanksgiving, and I'm so excited!! Partly because I just want out of my house. Mostly because I know that it's going to be our home.

What a weekend!

I Have A Reason To Sing

This has been a challenging week at school, but I try to remind myself all the time that I have so much to be thankful for. I love Hillsong's song Desert Song. It says repeatedly that in every season, God is still God. Period.

Though everyone told me the second year of teaching would be remarkably easier, I have found this to not be true. Yes, it's easier to do lesson plans. Yes, crafts come much easier. I know what they are generally capable of and how much time things take to accomplish. I know to e-mail parents back the day they e-mail me. The logistics of teaching are much easier. But my schedule and my classes are both much harder this year. I think back to last year's class, and I tear up a little.

Each day, I drive home and think of all the reasons I have to sing- all the reasons praise can come forth from my lips.

But this is a discipline. I was literally in tears with Adam two nights ago, as he prayed over me regarding all things discouraging at school. It's easy to focus on the chaos, the frustrations, and the differences, but I must recognize the reasons to sing.

I coach 14 amazing young ladies, and this is a rare privilege. I am deeply blessed to have them in my life. One of them actually just brought me a coffee. She said, "You seem stressed. So, I just wanted to do something nice for you." Richly blessed.

Cute preschoolers are a part of my job.

The parents from my preschool classes last year are throwing me a wedding shower tomorrow morning. They are excited and eager to celebrate this time with me, and that blesses me significantly.

Have I mentioned I love my church? Because I love my church! I hope we can establish a delightful community there.

In 50 days, I'm marrying the man that I'm deeply in love with. He makes me want to love Jesus more. He cares for my heart and tolerates my ridiculousness. And almost as importantly as the Jesus thing is the fact that he makes me laugh. A LOT!

My family is awesome.

Just so we're clear, it's a half day at work right now. Instead of working on progress reports, I'm just sitting at my desk. My eyes are burning because I'm so tired.

I have so much to praise God for. Even though I'm still struggling to find a rhythm at work, I have a reason to sing. Even though my cheerleaders can be sassy and demanding, I have a reason to sing. Even though I'm exhausted a lot, I have a reason to sing.

I will bring praise.

Behold

Right after I shared about the mounting stress and ever present chaos, I decided I should devote more time to reading Scripture. I went home that night and read Isaiah 43, which I love. It's starts off saying,

"But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have you called you by name, you are mine.'"

Um. That is awesome.

Created. Formed. Don't fear. Redeemed. Called by name. Mine. That's verse 1.

"'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I gave Egypt as your ransom,

Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

Because you are previous in my eyes,

and honored, and I love you,

I give men in return for you,

peoples in exchange for your life.'"

Talk about a loving God who desired intimate, covenant relationship with a broken, sinful people. Did I say desired? Hmm. Desires is more like it.

As I was reading the chapter, I was moved by God's relentless pursuit of his people. The nation of Israel just could not grasp the love God had for them. I kept reading the chapter and came to these verses...

"Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea,

a path in the mighty waters,

who brings forth chariot and horse, army and warrior;

they lie down, they cannot rise,

they are extinguished, quenched like a wick:

'Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.

The wild beasts will honor me,

the jackals and the ostriches,

for I give water in the wilderness,

rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people,

the people whom I formed for myself

that they might declare my praise."

Behold. I am doing a new thing.

I read that quite a few times and knew that I needed to accept that God was doing a new thing this year. I could keep looking back to the greatness of last year (in regards to work), but it would be better for everyone involved if I would just behold the new thing God was doing. New kids. New schedule. New demands. I saw all of this as negative. But I am starting to perceive that it's not all bad.

God will provide water. Water is often symbolic of life in the Bible. And that's essentially what I reminded myself that night. God is the Source. He will provide life for me, that I might declare his praise.

I'm happy to report that Adam got a job this week. Immediate praise flowed from our mouths. That was much needed "water" that God provided. I'm very grateful for it.

Right now my desire is to just behold what God is doing for this season. I do miss my kids (and parents) from last year very much, but it's this year. Our pastor passed on a quote from Jim Elliot that I liked a lot, "Wherever you are, be all there." That's what I'm working on right now. I am confident God has good things for this year, and my heart needs to be drawn closer to His. The preschoolers and cheerleaders for this season, are just for this season. I would hate to miss opportunities to be a person of hope, love, and grace in their lives.

Behold.