Isaac

Today, as I sit in my classroom, my thoughts are in Haiti. There's so much that needs to happen before our Back to School Night on Tuesday. I don't even want to get into that. 

But I keep thinking of my friends in Haiti.

If you've seen a weather report, you know that Tropical Storm Isaac is gaining strength, predicted to be a hurricane by tomorrow, and is on track to hit Haiti. Other Caribbean islands will also have to face the downpours, the gusting winds, and the mudslides. But Haiti has barely recovered from the earthquake in 2010. There's still thousands of people living in tents. 

And all I can think of are my friends in Nawash and Guitton who barely have a roof over their heads. 

I know God is so much bigger than this storm, and I'm asking for His power to be made known in this storm and His mercy to be shown to these people. 

So Long, Summer!

Today feels like my very last day of summer. 

I fly out tomorrow for a choreography job in San Francisco, and I come back Sunday night. And I report for duty on Monday. Ding! Round 3 is about to begin.

I'm kind of ready. Kind of not.

I almost didn't take this choreography job because I knew it was happening on my final summer weekend, and I would be flying without Adam again. I remember being on the phone with the coach, and very intentionally thinking, "Do I want to put myself through the process of flying solo?" But I knew I couldn't make this a fear based decision, so I agreed to it. 

Guess who's already regretting it? 

Not just because I've already put hours of prep work into their routine, but I just don't want to go. 

As I sat down to read my Bible yesterday and journal, I knew that I needed to deal with this mounting fear and anxiety going on in my heart. 

When my brother and his family were headed this way, I checked their flight status repeatedly, so nervous that something would happen to them on their way out here. When my sister was on her way here, I read a very thorough report on the plane crashes of the last 10 years (which, there have been very, very few fatal plane crashes in the U.S. recently, in case you were wondering). 

After the shooting in Colorado, I could scare so easily. One afternoon, I was running on the treadmill in our complex. I was the only one in the room, and a man in a uniform came in and walked out. I was keenly aware of him, and when he was headed back towards the work out room, I literally jumped off the treadmill and walked out. Talk about a scaredy cat?! Completely irrational. 

I was talking to Adam about all of it and going so far to say that I might need to see a counselor if things didn't get better soon. Because the fear was almost crippling. It was definitely influencing my decisions, and I hated it. 

But I've known that the root of the issue is in my heart. Because I know this world is broken. And I know horrible, awful things happen. Things that are completely out of my control. And they always will be. And the thought of something happening to Adam can send me into tears faster than I like to admit (like...right now!). As much as I desire a long, healthy life with him, we're not guaranteed that. And it can be downright terrifying. 

But it doesn't have to be. 

And I don't have to be bound by fear or half live life in hopes of avoiding trauma. Because that's not really living, anyways.

Because I know the Author of my story. I know that come what may in this life, He promises to be faithful and good and enough. If my faith is real, and I believe God is who He says He is, then I must live life fully surrendered to Him. Because living in fear doesn't add a single day to my life. I don't get to rely on myself or Adam, but I must fully trust my Creator and Sustainer. Wholly entrusting my life to Him.

And when I say that I want God to be glorified in my life, I don't get to put clauses on that statement. I don't get to decide what would most accomplish His name being magnified in my life. 

In the moments when my thoughts are wrapped up in fear, I mentally picture myself looking at those things and turning away from them to put my eyes on Jesus.  It usually helps. But man, is it a process! 

I remember when I was flying home for Easter over a year ago, and my flight was awful. We were flying through storms, and you could see lightning outside the windows. I was tense the whole time. So, like always, I put in my headphones to listen to worship music, and I started journaling. And I remember writing the words, "If I perish, I perish." I had done the good ol' Beth Moore Bible study on Esther twice already. Knowing that God is always perfectly capable of the rescue, but He doesn't always choose that. 

And I still know this to be true. 

As I've been asking the Lord to forgive me, help me, and lead me, I know that I must take active steps in choosing to trust God with my deepest desires and longings. To keep my hands open before Him, not clinging to the things I hold most dear. I must keep my eyes on Him. Knowing His ways aren't my ways. And joyfully serving Him wholeheartedly all the days of my life. 

Birthday Blessings

I had some really low expectations for my birthday this year. Last year, Adam and I were at the beach with my family, and it was awesome! It was the perfect combination of things I love: Adam, family, the beach, and Moe's. Which, I haven't had Moe's since then, which is sad. But I remember having a dance party with Adam, Kara, and Ryann and thinking, "This is the best way to celebrate a birthday!" 

Naturally, this year was going to look very different. Adam would be at work. My family at home. Not at the beach. And no Moe's in the state of Washington. 

We've had lots of family come visit us lately, and each time they were here, I tried to think of it as part of my birthday celebration. My in-laws definitely celebrated my birthday while they were here, and it was wonderful. We had some yummy meals, got lots of fresh fruit, and they got me a pair of much needed boots, along with some other treats! Still...leading up to the day of, I didn't have high hopes. 

But. I. Was. Wrong.

My friend and fellow coach took me to breakfast, and I LOVE going out for breakfast. It was so tasty. This will be her second year coaching the JV team, and our relationship has definitely shifted from a working necessity to a fun friendship. She also got me a super awesome North Face backpack. She told me it was a rite of passage to living in the Northwest. 

I then had a playdate with one of my adorable preschoolers from last year. She and I had a great year together, and she started asking me back in November if she could come over to my house. We had ice cream, went to 2 parks, a pet store, and made a quick treat stop at Target. It was so much fun. When I took her home, I got to visit with her mom, whom I love, for an hour. Being on summer vacation has been great, but I've missed these families very much!

By the time I got home, Adam arrived just minutes after me. And I got to open the presents that had arrived via mail. Birthday cards from the grandparents and aunts. I got an awesome hair straightener that has fixed my crazy hair that got a lot more wavy after cutting 6+ inches off! 

My parents gave me a tiger striped cardigan that I would never buy for myself because of it cost more than $20 and therefore more than I would pay, but I LOVE IT! Tigers are kind of my theme with my cheer team, and I will definitely be wearing this to our first competition! Along with it came some really fun jewelry to dress up my pretty basic work wardrobe, a gift card to get some jeans, and an envelope that said, "Open last." In it was a check and a note. My mom explained that the check was an investment in our future, and that they believe in us and God's call on our lives. And the money was to go towards saving for an adoption. 

Adam said, "Aw, are you going to cry?" I was until he said that. This was one of the most meaningful gifts. I know most parents believe in their kids, but it felt so loving and so affirming to have my parents know my heart in this way and sow into that desire. I don't know when the process will happen, but it encouraged my heart in unspeakable ways to have my parents rooting us on in our journey. 

From there my sweet husband took us to dinner and to ride the ferris wheel, as previously stated. He then told me that I needed to pack because we were going to Olympic National Park for the weekend. 

The weekend was pretty much perfect. I loved adventuring with my husband. I loved being away for the weekend. We commented over and over and over again about how thankful we were to be together in the gorgeous surroundings of Olympic. 

This was one of the best birthdays ever! 

A Day Well Celebrated

I'll post content some time soon, but I had a great birthday yesterday. I was highly skeptical as to how the day would turn out, but it ended up being a really special day. Much of the greatness is not documented. But here's a glimpse of part of the day.

This is what I came down stairs to when I woke up yesterday morning.

This is an Office reference. Adam told me that he couldn't be as creative as me when it comes to birthday signs, but he knew he could be funny. Yes. Yes, he can.

We went to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants for dinner. Because I could eat chips and salsa everyday for the rest of my life and be happy. Then we headed downtown.

To experience this for the first time.

While the sun was going down. It was BEAUTIFUL! And the weather during this Seattle summer continues to be perfect!

So beautiful!

No birthday is complete without cake, candles, and singing. 

It was a great day! Lots of special, unexpected treats. More on that to come. But Adam continues to be one of the greatest gifts God has given me.