Man, it really doesn't seem possible that it's time to think back on another year. My reflections on 2014 seems all too recent for it to be time for a look back on 2015. But, time really is flying. I'm just chugging along day after day, and then BAM! A year is over. It's mind boggling.
These are some of my thoughts (only some of them) on the this past year.
On Being A Mom to 2
It's weird that I started this year pregnant and I'm ending it with an 8 month old crawler and of course the most exuberant 2 year old on this planet. The transition to two was a breeze for me compared to the first baby; it was not a breeze for Nolan. So being the best mom I could to Nolan in that transition was tough. It didn't take too long to settle into a good rhythm as a family of 4.
I did notice I put unnecessary pressure on myself. I would often ask myself in a panic, "Am I loving Isaac as much as I loved Nolan at this stage?" Once I let that ridiculousness go, it was really smooth sailing. The second baby is different. I was way more laid back about stuff. I was confident in what I was doing and how I was doing it.
I do love being a mom, and it is without a doubt the most humbling and refining thing I've ever sunk my entire being into. There are plenty of times I fall short, and I have the personality to really dwell on those times and play them back in my head, but I'm working to retrain my self. To give myself grace and ask Jesus to fill in all the gaps and mold me as I do the best I can on this motherhood journey.
One of my biggest takeaways from this year is that Nolan is absorbing way more than I often realize, especially when it comes to music and screens. I can't believe the stuff Nolan takes as truth because it's in a song. I can't believe how easy it is for him to learn songs! We are already a very minimal screen time kind of family, and I'm sticking to my guns even more so now. Nolan is so influenced by what he sees, and I'm not going to take that lightly.
[I have no judgement for parents who have different screenology for their kids. I don't know your life, and I'm not about to assume I could make better decisions for your family.]
On Being Adam's Wife
Our transition to a family of 3 was really tough on our marriage. The transition to 4 was just the opposite. It really enforced some serious TEAMWORK. Throw in there that Adam started a new job not even 2 months before Isaac came, and we could've had ourselves a nice little disaster. But loving Adam through these changes was easy.
There were still times of frustration, hurt feelings, and utter confusion, but I worked really hard to make sure Adam knew that I was always for him. I want him to feel affirmed, respected, and appreciated when he comes home. I want him to want to come home. Again, I wasn't always successful at this, but I'm learning to manage expectations which helps so much.
I'm so thankful to be married to a man that I so enjoy. And it's been such a delight to watch Adam grow in this new position. I love seeing him trust Jesus more, and I love seeing him enjoy what he's doing. Such a welcomed change of pace!
On Being a Part of a Church
So, the first Sunday of January we tried out a new church, and we never left. We are wrapping up a full year at our church. We're still eager to gain deeper community and see relationships grow and thrive. I've spent the last 5 months heavily involved in the children's ministry and even have myself a part time job there.
While we still have some work to do relationally, it feels so nice to be a part of a local church body. We actually had a pastor come pray over Isaac in the hospital when he was born. People were genuinely excited to see us our first Sunday back after having Isaac. It's nice to be a part of a body like that.
On Living In This Apartment
This has been quite the struggle and roller coaster. We've put an offer on 3 different houses, been under contract for 3 weeks with one of them, and yet we find ourselves still living in this 2 bedroom apartment. And you know, big picture, we don't have much to complain about. But boy are we eager to be in a house that is ours. Eager to have a room for our baby to sleep in instead of the family room. Eager to have space for more people to come and hang out. Eager to have a kitchen without a washer and dryer in it (still weird to me 14 months later).
For a while I rarely invited people over because the space is so limited. But I eventually embraced our life here and stopped being apologetic about where we live. I love opening our home up to people, and I wish I had the opportunity to do this in a house. But I don't right now. So, I keep inviting people into our home to eat around our very cramped table.
The few mom friends I have NEVER bring their kids to play here, and that is very disappointing to me. Because Isaac naps in the morning, we are STUCK. I feel like I'm always the one driving out to them, and it would be so nice to take turns. But I understand (boy do I) that spending a rainy day inside our small apartment doesn't sound fun. But not only are we stuck here often, Nolan is rarely put into a position where he has to share his toys (Hm...maybe that's why he has a hard time with Isaac using his stuff). Anyways, I wish this dynamic was different.
Without doubt, the hardest thing about apartment living right now is that my wild and active 2 year old doesn't have a yard to run free in.
On 2015
This year was a really good year. We got Isaac Dean! I walked through some serious anxiety heading into his birth, and I felt Jesus sustain me through it all. I worked, and I mean really worked, to battle the fear that was suffocating at times. I got to watch my husband start a new relationship with our new son, and I got to watch Nolan's admiration of his Daddy grow right before me. We had a lot of really memorable moments together as a family.
I'm thankful, so very thankful for the life God has given me and for the little people He's entrusted into my care. I so badly want to love them well. I want to love them right to the heart of Jesus. I plead for God to draw my sweet babies to Himself while they are young.
I haven't really thought about 2016 yet. I don't know what my hopes and dreams are for next year. Right now I'm mostly reflective and thankful for the year we're wrapping up.
2015 was good to us except that it passed at lightning speed.
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