My Very Good Monday

You know...most Mondays I go into the morning thinking, "You can do this, Marissa!" It's hard to come off a weekend, but it's even harder to come off a LONG weekend for the kiddos. They had Thursday and Friday off, but not I, swallowed the fly. We had a teacher conference. Yipee. BUT!! This Monday was good to me...

*Staff devotions made me laugh this morning. Not for an appropriate reason, which almost makes it funnier. We were singing a song, and I was trying to respectfully keep the laughter in and just smile.

*One of my kids who has struggled with his letters and sounds for several months now had his turn to be assessed by yours truly. And He. Kicked. Butt!!! I couldn't believe it! My excitement was growing with every correct answer, and I just couldn't hide my enthusiasm. The kids just kept looking at me, and I was seconds away from doing a cartwheel. My little guy was beaming! His mom has worked with him SO MUCH over the last couple of months, and she should be one proud mama right now.

*Three of my cheerleaders came to talk after school today just because they miss cheer. I don't miss cheer, but I miss them. So, I loved hearing their stories, laughing at their stupidness, and talking about next season. Those girls are why I'm at this school right now.

*I went to coffee with one of my cheerleaders today. It was delightful. My heart in coaching is not to turn them into decent cheerleaders; my heart is for discipleship. So, I try to meet with them one on one whenever the opportunity presents itself. This girl in particular wants to take a year after she graduates high school to go to Chile and serve the local church there. Her parents are not going to love me as I encourage her to do just that. The words, "I don't care about college. I just want people to know Jesus," came out of her mouth, and I smiled. Oh how careful I must be with the words I choose as I can so easily resonate with her heart's desires!

*And the greatest part of all: my friend and mom of one my cuties got GOOD news today. PRAISE THE LORD!! It's a benign cyst that is not requiring surgery right now. She will go to the doctor in another 2 weeks to establish a game plan, but for right now they are simply to rejoice in the wonderful news and celebrate God's grace, mercy, and power! HOW EXCITING!! She was overcome with emotion and so relieved! I'm so thankful for this positive report.

Monday, March 21st, you have been a winner!!

Alright...

Have I mentioned that I LOVE the church I go to out here? Because I do. And it's something that I'm continually thankful about. When I left Atlanta, I thought there was NO way I would find a church that I enjoyed as much as Passion City Church. And I was wrong. My new church is better. Gasp! I know. Now, I'm not saying the church is better. I just like this church better. If you want to listen to a good sermon, here's the link: http://churchbcc.org/category/sermon-series/

Just pick one! :)

The pastor goes deep into the Word, and I love it. It's rare when I leave church on Sunday unchallenged. In fact, I can't think of a Sunday when that's happened. We just finished up a long series of prayer right before Lent when we as a church entered 40 days of prayer together. In one of his recent sermons, he cautioned us that if we don't learn a lesson that God is trying to teach us, we don't get to skip ahead to the next one. Sometimes in school, even if the concept isn't quite grasped, teachers have to move on, which is unfortunate because often times the concepts build on each other.

Well, God loves us too much to move on without making sure we learn the lesson. The pastor told us that the object in the lesson might change, but the lesson is staying the same until it's grasped.

And I panicked. Thinking, "Oh shoot!! I do NOT want another go around of the stuff God has been working out in me the past year and a half!"

And then I had tangible opportunities to see what God has been doing in me.

A girl in my small group shared that her sister was pregnant with a little girl who was severely underdeveloped and wouldn't survive outside the womb apart from a miracle. This was very sad for me to hear, and I cried on my way home from group that night. My heart ached for her sister, her family, and for that little baby girl. I found out last week that the little baby girl was born and lived 3 days. And then her parents had to release her to Jesus.

A new friend and the mom of one of my students just recently found out that she has a very large mass in her abdomen. She was in the hospital for a few days, and the doctors gave a pretty scary diagnosis. At worst it was cancer, and it could potentially already be throughout her stomach. At best it was a cyst that was so entwined with her organs that to remove it would require taking out pieces of several of her internal organs. It would be a massive surgery. She had a biopsy on Friday, and we're all hoping to get information tomorrow. Her kids are 5, 3, and 1. A potentially very scary situation for everyone.

So I admit that my immediate response to both of these situations was not the best. I dealt with the first one for several weeks before knowing what was going to happen. And the latter I'm certainly anxious to hear the results that will hopefully come tomorrow.

But this I know is true: God's ways are NOT my ways, but He does hear my prayers. There is value in going before my Father and making my heart's cries heard. But I do know with confidence that God is writing a bigger story that I cannot fathom. And in this story, I know what is in the best interest of everyone is for His name to be magnified and His glory made known! And often that can involve pain, heartache, suffering, sorrow, and brokenness. But that does not mean God's character has changed or is any less trustworthy. It's always in our best interest that we are drawn closer to the Father. I just don't prefer for it to be awful things that cause us to know Him better, trust Him more, and love Him more deeply.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God is doing from beginning to end."

The heartaches of life will be made beautiful in its time. And I don't say that lightly or to breeze past raw pain. Because I think there are times I would have hit someone that told me that. Reality is this- I don't get the full picture. I can't see what God is doing from beginning to end. I can't see how God is working things out. I can't always see the beauty in what I would describe as very ugly. And that's okay! I'm not supposed to be able to. But I am able to trust in who God is and who God will always be. He is unchanging and unmovable. His kingdom will not be shaken. And He will reign victorious.

So, I do pray for a good report tomorrow. But I mostly pray that God would draw our hearts to Him and use us to make His story famous.

Alive

Once upon a time, I used to post here. But even upon that time I wasn't posting frequently. Here goes a sporadic update with the promise of more in the "near" future.

* I've officially been living here for just over 6 months. It's weird to think that I've spent about equal time here as I did in Thailand. I just sat here and tried to compare the 2 time spans, and I can't. I'm still thrilled to be living here, and I'm excited that spring is right around the corner! Summer is Seattle's time to shine, and I can't wait!!

* This is my first week without any cheer practices or games, and it's a bizarre feeling. I'm actually going home before it's dark outside. I love it. I miss my team more than I thought I would, but it's nice to be able to cook dinner, prepare for school, and workout all before 9:00. I could get used to this. This is the first time in 6 months that cheer isn't a current responsibility.

* My sister visited me last week, which was awesome! She now loves this city, and there's really not much more I could hope for when people come see me. I know that sounds ridiculous. But I just like when people experience the beauty of the northwest and all of the sudden understand why I love it out here.

* I start back to online classes on Monday. Pray for me.

* I get 2 new students in my 3s class this week. One started yesterday, and I was so proud of one of my girls who reached out to the new student and tried to help her through our day. She took her under her wing- literally. At our last Circle Time she was wrapping her arm around the new girl. It was really sweet.

* March is going to be a good month! I have a visitor coming next weekend (10 days). Two weeks after that I go to Alabama for a wedding where I'll see friends. And the next weekend I have another visitor!

* It's refreshing for my whirlwind life to calm down a little. I'm hoping to enjoy the outdoors a little more in the next month. It's only a matter of time before cheer starts back up again, and I want to make sure I maximize these off weeks. I also need to do things like get a Washington license, change my tags, etc. But for this week, I'm just enjoying some down time.

I know there wasn't much to this, but I just needed to break the silence. I really will be back soon. I get internet at my apartment starting on Sunday! Which will help tremendously.

Snow Day

It's a snow day here...a wasted one, I might add. The roads were probably cleared around 8 am, but school was already canceled. This puts us at 2.5 snow days, and I'm really hoping for no more. See, if we go over our allotment, that means we'll be adding minutes to the end of our days OR adding days to the end of our school year.

Let me make it abundantly clear that I do NOT want these snow days delaying my summer vacation. I would rather go to school now and enjoy the full summer. After all, summers in Seattle are amazing!

Anyways, I started posting 3 times last week but was always interrupted. A snow day means that I have enough time to make this happen.

I came back to Seattle ready to be here- a true gift, if you ask me. After working 4 long days in Orlando, and I was eager to return to all that was waiting for me here. I had 14 cheerleaders and 33 preschoolers I couldn't wait to see!

My first week back was surprisingly great. I enjoyed my preschool classes, somehow managed to get decent amounts of sleep, and found my days filled with laughter and true joy as I settled back into life here. This is where I'm supposed to be right now. And I LOVE knowing that.

All of last week we were working on the letter P. I was excited about everything I had planned for my 4 year olds on Friday. We read The Princess And the Pea at Circle, and my kids were fully engulfed in the story- which I loved! Immediately following the story, everyone got to decorate their own crown while I played Disney songs from all of the princess movies. Before long I had 5 princesses and 6 princes. As we sang songs and played together, my heart was full and satisfied. I was experiencing that feeling of wanting to squeeze everything I could out of those moments. I wanted to fully experience what was happening yet step outside the moment so I could see it all happening.

I gave lots of hugs that day and shared big smiles. Even now I can't use good enough words to describe the simplicity of the perfection of that day.

After recess we had a picnic in our classroom with pancakes, pizza, pringles, and punch. Go big or go home, right? They were going to learn the letter P!

It was one of the best days of preschool. I'm sure it gets old to hear, but I never tire of saying it- I LOVE my preschoolers!

And one of my little guys announced to the class that I was his princess and would one day marry me! :)

On Saturday I took some time to be outside and enjoy the beautiful city I live in. I left my time back on the east coast well aware of the fact that several of my relationships had shifted, and I had really transitioned to a new place. My time back in the FCC world was good but different. Things have changed. I'm really moving on, and sometimes, I can't believe it. As I was at a new park on Saturday, loving my surroundings, I was so thankful for the place God has me- both literally and figuratively.

I left Atlanta asking the Lord to grow my faith and to awaken my heart to more of Him. Not every part of this journey is easy, but I love it right now.

"Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-5

Christmas Moments

I love Christmas. I really loved Christmas when I was a little girl. It was downright magical. The suspense of Santa. The endless amounts of sugar. Making presents for my parents at school. The church Christmas production. When you're 6, there's just not much to complain about in the month of December.

Once I found out the truth about Santa, I still found Christmastime to be magical. Mind you, I was devastated to find out this disappointing truth. But it was still exciting. I can remember waking up early with my siblings and the suspense of waiting to open our presents was almost unbearable yet completely thrilling.

The older I got it seemed the intensity of the Christmas magic lessened. It was still there. But instead of living in a mystical Christmas euphoria for a month, I would have moments that embodied Christmas bliss.

I can remember my sophomore year of college, my roommate and I went ridiculously all out to decorate our apartment for Christmas. I'm talking all out. We covered our walls with black paper and put up snowflakes, laid white, sparkly fluff on our living room floor for snow, hung a paper chain around the entire apartment, and there was more. I can remember one night we had all of the normal lights off, our Christmas lights on, hot peppermint tea in hand, and we sat in our magical living room talking for hours. That moment embodied Christmas bliss for me.

My Christmas in Thailand was...unique. But one morning, very, very early, I woke up my sweet girls to start getting ready for school. And like every morning, Sarah crawled into my lap and wanted to be held. This morning the girls were in the living room by our Christmas tree to avoid paint fumes in their bedroom. So, I held Sarah earlier than either one of us wanted to be awake in the light of the Christmas tree. And it was the sweetest Christmas moment for me.

And tonight I had one of those freeze time moments. We have the unbelievable delight of having my brother, his wife, and their cute daughter at our house for Christmas. After the AMAZING Christmas Eve dinner that my mom made, all of the "adults" were playing a game together, and I set to work to make a dessert for tomorrow. I was listening to some worship music when Ryann came walking into the kitchen asking, "Blue, whatchu doing?" Ryann immediately became my little helper. She kept saying, "I'm helpin Blue make a cake! So yummy!" We sat side by side, assembling quite the chocolate cake batter. Occasionally we would hear some shouts and loud laughter coming from the other room, but I wanted to be nowhere else. I loved having Ryann's help even if every step wasn't executed perfectly. It was a magical Christmas moment I wanted frozen in time.

And though I always want to have these moments that feel especially "Christmas," I'm finding I'm more and more grateful for the birth of my Savior. There's something about teaching preschoolers the story of Jesus' birth that made me take in the wonder of this story with a new appreciation. I tried to help them imagine a long journey to a far away place like Bethlehem. I tried to depict what a sight it must have been for the shepherds to witness the magnificent angels as they sang, "Glory to God in the hightest!" I wanted them to know that the reason why Christmas is so great is because God gave us the greatest gift of all- Jesus.

I sure do love Christmas. But I really love the reason for Christmas. Jesus' birth truly is the thrill of hope.

This is real

The past few weeks have transitioned me into a different phase of Seattle life. But before I proceed...

I got to go home for Thanksgiving at the mercy and generosity of my parents. And it was wonderful. I think Ryann was annoyed with my constant hugs, kisses, and squeezes after 2 hours. I just couldn't help it though; she's irresistible. It's amazing how much she's grown and matured. I wish I could put her in my 3s class. She's so stinkin' cute.

It was refreshing to see my family and some of my friends. I so appreciate the relationships that quickly pick-up without awkwardness or hesitancy. I am blessed beyond measure to have several of those in my life currently.

When it came time to leave, I was surprised at my inner resistance to head back to Seattle. I love my life here, but I was reminded of how much I left behind in Atlanta. Seattle is better than Atlanta for so many reasons in my mind, but Atlanta has relationships that are better than everything Seattle has to offer. Yet I'm confident this is where I'm supposed to be.

The thrill, adrenaline, and newness of my life has faded. Reality has sunk in: I'm a preschool teacher, high school cheer coach, and new resident of the state of Washington. None of it feels real. I take that back. The coach part feels very real. Because it's very time consuming. Very.

And I'm asking myself, "Now what?!"

I am confident that what I'm doing now, what I'm learning here, and how God is calling me deeper in relationship with Him is all purposeful. This is training ground for something later, and God is expanding my tool belt, if you will. But there's a part of me that's wondering how long I can settle here before I'll be taking off again. There's something very appealing to me about experiencing new things. Going new places. Meeting new people.

But the more attached I get to my team, the harder it sounds to pack up and go. At the beginning of the season, I was keeping the cheerleaders a little distanced from me, but I couldn't maintain that for long. My freshmen are begging me to stay until they graduate. But when I think about being here for the next 3.5 years, I shudder. I can really only handle one day at a time right now.

The past couple of days I've been reading 2 Corinthians 4. Verses 6 and 7 say this, "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."

As this next part of the transition process is feeling a little harder and a little more real, my prayer is that I would remain a jar of clay. It's so easy for me to want to come across as being something much more sophisticated than simple clay. When in fact, I am clay- with cracks, dents, and stains. Just as miraculous as it was when God spoke light into the darkness, so it is just as miraculous that God would allow me, a broken, fallen being, to have Christ live in me. The beauty of the Gospel. The amazingness of grace. I was but an ordinary, fragile, clay jar, and now Christ's power resides in me.

I pray that the inadequacy of who I am would be known so that the surpassing greatness of Jesus inside of me would be made so apparent.

Be Lifted High

[Written last night]

I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hallway in my apartment's clubhouse. There's free internet here; it's just not that great. I'm eager awaiting the face of my dear friend in South Africa via skype. Hoping this works!

We have parent teacher conferences starting tomorrow. Parent teacher conferences for my PRESCHOOL classes. One parent in my 4s actually told me she was nervous about them. I looked at her in shock, "Why are YOU nervous?!" She just laughed and said, "Every parent "wants" to hear the truth about their kid, but really, we long to hear someone else think the world of them."

This just in: I LOVE my preschoolers.

I wish I could scoop them all up and hold them close. I want to kiss their cheeks and hold them on my lap [I'm not allowed to in order to protect me and all teachers]. I would love to play with them all day instead of doing some of the things we do at school. I genuinely and wholeheartedly love my students. I often wonder what it would be like if these munchkins were mine. I mean, I already love them so much. I can't imagine what parents feel for their kids.

If convincing the parents of my students that I love their child deeply was all these little meetings were about, I think I would be at total ease about the next few days.

And for the most part, I'm feeling rather peaceful about the opportunity to sit down with each parent and talk about how awesome their kid is. But there are a few that I choose not to think about.

I am often overwhelmed with the reality that there are very few people who have access into the lives of these little guys like I do. What a privilege and an honor! I get to hang out with them, love them, and tell them more about this Jesus of mine. I also get to discipline them, instruct them, and help train them up in the ways of the Lord. It's a crazy thing for me to process. I know that most people don't remember their teacher when they were 4, so I'm reassured that I probably won't do long term damage! :)

Of all the things I'll teach them this year, I hope they remember that our God is biggest, strongest, and smartest. That He can be everywhere all the time. That He hears our prayers and knows when we're afraid. That we can call on His name anytime, and He always hears us. I want them to know that the stories in the Bible are real. I want them to know Jesus.

I learned really early on the importance and necessity of modeling. Not only do I show them what I want them to do for every project, every craft, and every writing worksheet, I show them what I don't want them to do. And whether I like it or not, I'm showing them what a relationship with Jesus looks like. I'm showing them what it means to love others, treat each other with kindness, show mercy, be patient, and choose to be gentle. I pray that I'm modeling to them a relationship with Jesus that's honoring and authentic.

That's what I want for my kids. To know God. So, when a parent is voicing concern about their child's progress in reading, I want to say, "Ya but ask them about David and Goliath!" I am fairly confident all of these kids are going to graduate high school on time. If they aren't reading right now, I promise this does not mean you (or I) are a failure.

I stayed in my classroom a little longer than necessary tonight. I put on Came to My Rescue by Hillsong (very loudly I might add), and I just walked around and prayed over my classroom. I asked that in my words, my love, and my life that He would be lifted high. That in my conversations with parents, in my classroom, and in my little guys that He would be lifted high.

In my life, be lifted high.

In my world, be lifted high.

In my love, be lifted high.