It's a BOY!

My appointment was a week ago, and no, the details of the day aren't fresh on my mind. 

I do remember getting dressed in a blue shirt thinking, "I'm going to be really surprised if they tell me this baby is a girl." Adam had changed his guess to girl the night before, but I had become fairly confident that Henry was a boy (once I thought about all of my dreams that have not been accurate). 

The appointment was 2 things: very neat and very long. 

I loved seeing our active baby's hands and feet as he kicked and squirmed. We got to see his face and watch him yawn. He's a cutie! I knew going into the appointment that this was likely going to be my only ultrasound for the duration of the pregnancy, so I wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. It was cool to feel Henry moving and watch him move at the same time. 

Once the gender was revealed, the ultrasound tech said several times, "Your boy is not bashful at all!" Great! 

I was so thrilled to hear Henry was a boy. I've always loved having an older brother, and if I ever have daughters, I'm glad they'll have Henry as a big brother. 

Adam was insistent that his son needed some overalls. So, we went out that evening to get Henry some overalls.

Just so you know, Oshkosh has quite the assortment of overalls. Oh, my goodness! 

I kept quiet on the gender at school until I could tell my whole team together on Friday. I told my 4s class on Friday, too.

I made everyone in all of my classes make a guess.

I have 22 students all together, and only 7 of them are girls. So, I knew I'd be boy heavy on the guesses. But there were 2 boys who guessed girl, and I was shocked. 

Each kiddo in my 4s class was given a bag of blue and pink/red items (blueberries, grapes, assorted candies, etc), and they had to graph them according to color. 

It was a close race, but blue won! 

Naturally, my students then wanted to know if Henry was ready to come out or not. My 4s class is so sad the baby is coming during summer, and they won't get to see him. Though I have been invited over for play dates AS SOON as the baby comes out. 

A little girl in one my 3s classes is particularly intrigued by the baby growing in my tummy. She likes to high 5 my belly and talk to the baby. I know she's gonna go crazy when she can put her hand on my belly and feel Henry move. She's asked me twice if the baby is inside my skin while looking at me unconvinced when I try to explain to her where the baby is. 

It's been fun having preschoolers and high schoolers join in the excitement of growing Henry (also going to reiterate that Henry is not the baby's name). We are pumped and looking forward to seeing his sweet face. But we are not wanting to rush the next 20 weeks.

Boy or Girl

Tomorrow is the big day! 

We get to sneak a peak at Henry. We're so excited! I can't wait to see Henry's little face. We haven't gotten to look at Henry since my 9 week appointment, and at that point, Henry looked like a gummy bear. Rumor has it that Henry will actually look like a baby tomorrow! 

We also might be a tad (read: extremely) excited to find out if Henry is a boy or a girl. Though my dreams tell me I'm having a girl, Adam and I both are thinking it's a boy. I realize that just 2 weeks ago I was saying girl, but I'm going to stick with my initial guess that it's a boy. 

And if it's a girl...WOW!! I'm going to start paying closer attention to my dreams. 

My Anxious Thoughts

Today, I baked some cookies for my cute husband because I want to make sure he knows he's loved. And well, a way to show that man that he's loved is to feed him. So, I picked a recipe, gathered the necessary ingredients, and baked some chunky peanut chocolate chip cookies. My first batch stayed in probably 2 minutes longer than I wanted, and the second batch seemed perfect. But you know what? I don't even think they taste that great. 

Bummer. 

As I started doing the dishes (which is totally the worst part of baking!!), I thought, "Man, that's not what how I wanted this to go." 

I've been feeling similar sentiments about other things these days, too. 

This baby is due in July. July 22. Our current lease ends mid August, and we have to move. Without my full time salary, we just can't afford to live where we do right now. And we can't afford to pay the thousands of dollars to get out of our lease a month early. So, if Henry is right on time, before we've even been a family of 3 for 4 weeks, we'll have to move into a new place. With a newborn. So, in all of my spare time this week, I've tried to envision what that's going to look like for us, and it doesn't look like fun. I'm either packing up our apartment 9 months pregnant and ready to pop or with a 2 week old baby. No use in setting up a baby's room because the baby won't actually be in that room.

But I tell myself that I can do this. I can manage a move and a newborn because I don't have an option. It's going to happen {my pep talks help me}.

Another area that's not ideal would be the fact that I don't really have very many friends out here. And the friends I do have are not even thinking about having kids anytime soon. I'm really hoping that I'll inevitably meet other moms in the same place as me, but right now, it seems like life could get a little lonely in the fall. 

I remember when my wedding dress first came in. I had an appointment to go put the dress on to talk about alterations that needed to be made. And I was so sad that I hadn't managed to make a good enough friend to invite them to come with me for moral support. When I say so sad, I mean I was literally crying in the parking lot because I wanted someone there with me (this just got vulnerable). Not because I wanted someone to tell me I looked good or the dress was gorgeous, but I wanted someone to share in the excitement with me. 

And that's what I feel like will be lacking. I mean, I know that my cheerleaders are so stinkin' excited for me. They regularly check-in with me about what the baby is doing, how I'm feeling, etc. They literally cannot wait for this baby to be born. While their excitement is a blessing, it's not exactly the community I envision myself needing. I'm gonna need people for the not exciting parts, too. 


I have some days where I seriously doubt my ability to be a good mom. It's usually the days when my preschoolers drive me so bananas, that I'm literally smiling at the end of the day because I get to put them in their own cars to go home. To someone that's not me. Those moments when 9 kids are all "needing" me at the same time and calling my name. It scares me how little patience I have sometimes. Or when they complain about the smallest thing, and I want to throw their snack in the trash can just to prove a point. I can assure you that mom thoughts aren't running through my head. Someone that works in the school office told me they were 100% confident I would be a fantastic mom because I'm "such a good preschool teacher." If only she knew...if only she knew.

But I trust that God will certainly fill in all of the gaps of my shortcomings. All. of. the. gaps. 

All of these things can cause a variety of emotions. And while I'm mostly super excited about having this baby, sometimes I get plain nervous. Nervous for the logistics of moving. Nervous for some much needed friends. Nervous that I might not be good at this mom gig even though it's been the desire of my heart since I can remember. Adam used to ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always answered, "A mom." 

I'm counting on Jesus being more than enough for me and Adam and Henry. I'm sure that God is not surprised I'm pregnant. He's not confused about the due date and our move out date. He knows my needs better than I do. And I'm being intentional (trying) to rest in His faithfulness.

As I've taken all of my mornings quite slow this week, Henry has been super active between 9-11. Such a stinker though. Whenever Adam puts his hand on my stomach or even me, Henry stops moving. Then we'll pull our hands away, and right back to flipping he goes. I can only imagine he's going to be as stubborn as his mom and dad. Lord, help us! 

Also. I like this guy.

18 Weeks Pregnant

The fact that I'm blogging on a Monday morning can really only mean one thing- I have no school this week. 

This mid-winter break came to my rescue. I don't think I get to blame the pregnancy on my mounting frustration at work, but the past few weeks have just been a lot. I'm looking forward to cleaning my house, making healthier dinners, trying to find pants that fit better, and not seeing people from work for an entire week. Honest truth. 

Anyways...some not important updates about our life...

:: I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and the app on Adam's phone says Henry is the size of a bell pepper. Henry is what we lovingly call our baby right now. And even though we get to find out the gender in 2 weeks, I'm pretty sure we'll still call our baby Henry until July. Especially if the baby is a boy, since we have yet to agree on a name for a boy.

:: I've had several dreams that the baby is a girl. And one dream that the baby is a boy. Based on the dream count alone (not my "mom instincts"), I'm guessing we're having a girl. I think Adam's current guess is also girl, though we were both saying boy until the multiple girl dreams. Really, we're just praying for a healthy baby. I'll be honest that I initially wanted a boy, so I could beat my brother to having a son just to irritate him...and I'm a little afraid of having a daughter. But I'd be truly happy with either a boy or a girl. I really just can't wait to find out!! 

:: I need bigger pants, but I still don't think I look pregnant. If I've recently eaten and I have the right clothes on, you can see a bump. Otherwise, I just look like I've stopped exercising and eat anything in sight. 

:: I felt the baby last week a couple of times. It requires me being still and really focused. I did feel Henry at church yesterday which was the first time that I noticed movement when being distracted. Adam keeps trying to feel him too, but no such luck. I don't think Henry is big enough yet. 

:: We've gotten some cute gifts for our little bean. 

The seniors on my team gave me this while we were in California. My favorite parts being the "grrrr" and the tail. 

And one of my friends gave me this robe.

So cute. 

:: We're over the shock of having a baby on the way. We're really excited, and we daily thank God for giving us this gift. I heard Adam talking to his sister on the phone, and he said something about probably having a daughter. I had a melt my heart/freak me out moment. We're going to have a son or a daughter. Crazy! I think Adam's going to be a great dad to both boys and girls, but I imagine him being instantly smitten by a little girl. 

:: Lastly, I've never wanted cheeseburgers like this before. They always sound good. 

2 In A Row

This is not a pregnancy post, but one day...maybe...I'll start writing about the fact that there's a human growing inside of me.

I went into yesterday's State competition thinking (and saying to Adam), "There's no way I could be more disappointed this year than I was last year." 

Wrong. 

The stage was set for me to have a really fun day because I went in knowing they were capable of first, but it wasn't definitely theirs. They'd have to earn it. So, I would be legitimately happy with 2nd place. Oh, so different than last year! I really just wanted to see their best. 

We had a great warm up, but it didn't matter. 

Little did I know, one of my girls wasn't going to be able to handle the pressure. And she paid the price after being dropped to her head and nearly passing out on the spot. 

And in that moment when they had to stop our music, and they slowly lowered her to the floor, I couldn't help but ask myself, "What am I doing wrong?" 

How did I let this happen? Why can't I coach a team to execute their routine at State? What am I missing? 

In the moments that followed, I had to figure out how to control my anger with the group that let her hit the ground, console 12 devastated girls, and figure out a way to get them back on the floor to finish their routine minus 1 flyer. These were things I never wanted to have to do as a coach. 

And when they walked off the floor for the 2nd time, my own adrenaline started to fade. I sent them on their way to their parents and asked Adam to come find me because I couldn't possibly go near the parents right now. And when I stepped into Adam's embrace, I, too, fell apart. 

I knew my cheerleader was okay. She had a minor concussion, and she was going home. Her mom's worst nightmare had happened right in front of her eyes, and I assumed she'd eat me alive the next time she saw me. 

Me? I just felt defeated in every possible way. And I'm still not sure how I can go back to practice this week. We do have one more competition, but I feel so completely done. With everything that's happened this season, I have very little stamina to keep going. But I don't have a choice.

So for the second year in a row, the day after State feels like waking up from a really bad dream. And this one is worse than last year. 

And also for the second year in a row, Adam was my rock. I really don't know what I would've done had Adam not been there yesterday. And it's completely not normal for husbands to go to these events to support their coaching wives. I'm guessing he was one of three. But I don't know how I would've made it without him. Once again, I'm reminded that I have an immeasurable blessing in Adam, and I guess that's better than being a state champion. :)

1 Year

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since our wedding day. I feel completely uninspired to say anything profound about our first year of marriage. 

But it's been good. Really, really good.

We celebrated yesterday, and while at dinner we were talking about things that surprised us within our first year of marriage. Like the fact that we didn't really have any explosive fights like we thought we would. And that living with a boy/girl wasn't weird at all. 

I still thoroughly enjoy spending time with Adam. I love his companionship, and I think it's crazy awesome that I get to come home to him each day. I've only grown fonder of him and have more respect for him. 

Not to completely romanticize this year-- we certainly had times of tension. We had our fair share of selfish moments and realizing how that impacts each other. We've cried through some hard times and watched our bank accounts drop rapidly with only 1 of us working. 

But we've also celebrated God's provision in our marriage over and over and over again. We've celebrated our differences and rejoiced that we aren't the same!! One of me is enough. 

The ups and downs are all part of what I call a really, really good first year of marriage. 

As I waited for my team to take the floor on Saturday for their first competition, I looked in the stands at my husband, wearing our team shirt and easily the loudest one there. I knew he didn't have to be there. I knew he didn't actually want to be there. But he was there. Because he is my biggest fan. My loudest cheerleader. My faithful support system.

I've loved being married to Adam, and I am forever grateful he's mine. 

Jobs

I've done such a great job of the whole thankfulness thing...

Today, I'm thankful that Adam and I both have jobs. I have a job where I get to work with small children and high schoolers. Adam has a job where he's affirmed, loved, and wanted. We're both in good places. 

But it's because of these jobs that we were able to go to Portland last week just because. Just because we wanted to get away and enjoy a time out. 

And we definitely did. Have I mentioned that I love the Hampton Inn?? Because I do so very much. Staying there for the weekend was so great. Several times throughout the weekend I thought or said out loud, "I could work here!" 

Besides the obvious enjoyment of the Hampton, we enjoyed great food, lots of laughing, and the luxury of completely shutting down from work. It. was. awesome.

And we went to this awesome waterfall. 

My cute husband has a beard! :) 

Despite my inclinations to complain about aspects of my job or the ways it's plain exhausting, I'm so blessed to be able to enjoy a weekend away with my favorite person.