Stressed

Lately I've been perplexed by the stress that's building up in my life. I have been through many season of busyness, stress, and pressured situations. Prior to the current stress I'm living in, planning the 2010 FCC program was the most stressful 5 consecutive months I've gone through.

I've been comparing this time right now and the 5 month stretch of 2010, and I can say with confidence God has stretched me in these past 8 weeks in a different way than that time. My personal interpretation is that it's more stressful currently, but that is probably because I'm in the middle of it.

After spending some time in thought today, my realization is that it's not necessarily the stress that is getting to me; it's the chaos. The chaos of being over 2 teams, starting a competing Varsity team, a very different work schedule that involves me darting from one building to the next on a daily basis, "planning" a wedding from Washington, living in a weird house right now, and the list goes on. I physically can't be in 2 places at once, but my schedules requires it 3 times a week. How does no one in charge realize this?!

Since the 3rd week of school, I've committed to spending my first waking moments with the Lord in the Word and in prayer. If it doesn't happen then, I can assure you, it's not going to happen. And when we pray at the start of class, I'm genuinely asking the Lord to come and make Himself known in my classroom. He knows- I. certainly. need. Him!

I don't know if it's me or all these changes, but work feels like work these days. Not that I can complain. I find myself taking deep breaths in the middle of preschool. I'm silently thinking, "Patience, Marissa. They're 4."

And I'm asking the Lord to do whatever is necessary to align my heart with His right now. I so badly want to know God better. I want to best demonstrate His love to the students in my care. I want to abide in Him and be in constant conversation with Him. Though my heart's desire is to lead my students/cheerleaders with strength, passion, and joy, there are moments when I have no choice but to quietly utter, "Jesus."

I shared these verses 2 weeks ago with my cheerleaders during a "Come to Jesus" chat I was having with them.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,"

Hebrews 10:23-24

He is faithful! I know it to be true in the midst of chaos and stress. I know it to be true in the midst of laughter and relaxation.

I know this season will shift. I know that at some point, my work won't feel like chaos anymore because I will adapt. *crosses fingers* And I know for sure, I'll stop planning a wedding December 17th. I know competition season will be over February 4th. I get to move out of the house December 14thish. So... reprieve is coming! :)

For now, I hope to get as much out of this craziness as I can.