In Transition And Counting Blessings

We left our home in Seattle on April 1. It's been over 12 weeks since then, and we are still in a place of transition. In the past few days I've found myself looking back. Looking back at what we left behind. Perhaps it's because we're still not sure what's coming next, so it's been easier to look back and remember instead of looking forward and dreaming of what could be. 

This looking back is heightened by the fact that Nolan's birthday is coming up. Our baby boy has almost completed a full year with us. And I can't help but remember the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The stress of packing up our townhouse. The hard work put into getting our next place ready. The group effort of making a garage apartment feel like a home. I remember it all. 

The past few days I've been a little blue, perhaps grieving the loss. It's not like our life in Seattle was exceptionally great. But it was ours. We were lacking consistent friends. We had no family nearby. But it's where our marriage began. It's where we became parents. It's where Marissa and Adam really took shape into our own family. 

So, I miss our apartment. I miss our favorite food places. I miss the hundreds of parks we could choose from. I miss the fact that one of my girls came over to hang out every Wednesday. I miss the rhythm we had. I miss what became my normal there. 

It's probably typical for me to look back and have a romanticized view on things. But the longing for what we had is stronger right now because I'm well aware of what we're lacking. Adam's still looking for a job. I'm not coaching for the first time in 6 years. We don't have our own place to live. We only have 1 car. This "in transition" season feels harder than where we were 3 months ago. 

But it isn't. 

My mom gave me a devotional for Mother's Day by Ann Voskamp. In the first day there was a line that jumped out at me: The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems. A few days later she goes on to talk about the pride of thanklessness. Suffice it to say it's causing me to do some heart searching.

There are days that I feel like my whole life is about Nolan. 
There are weeks that I only leave my house a couple of times. 
There are moments of tears, feeling lonely and sad for what we left behind. 

But...

I'm determined to discover that this season is yielding more blessings than it seems. Because this life I have-- is rich! And full! 

So, I'm taking on the challenge to count 1,000 gifts. I don't know that I'll always write about them. But I've got a list going. Some things seem insignificant. But those count, too. 

1. The crunch when cutting lettuce
2. Nolan's sheer joy when he gets to play on our bed
3. Cloudy and cool (not blazing hot) summer mornings
4. Baby arms around my neck
5. Looking at houses for fun with Adam
6. New babies 
7. Dinner I didn't cook

I am the recipient of unending graces. I'm choosing to see them. To embrace them. To count some of them.

This life is yielding thousands of blessings. 

11 Months

Nolan's 11 months. I'm going to have a 1 year old next month. This has been an incredibly fast year, and I admit that I find myself looking through old pictures to remember Nolan's smallness. Because honestly, he just seems like such the little boy that remembering him as a tiny baby can be a struggle. 

Nolan is getting to experience this Georgia summer in all of its hotness and humidity. We've had many trips to the pool. Some days he likes it. Some days he doesn't. 

Nolan stands by himself now. He can stoop down to pick something up, stand back up, and repeat as needed. He'll walk holding onto furniture, and he's taken a step here and there. But he really seems quite content with the speed in which he can crawl. 

He's also clapping now. Which is very, very cute. We've been watching the World Cup, and when it shows the audience clapping, he'll start clapping, too. 

If you say, "Nolan, can you bow?" He'll start bowing his head. This trick has really evolved over time, but we really, really love it. Nolan also shakes his head, "No." He'll shake his head when he doesn't want to eat something I'm offering (annoying!), and he'll also shake his head to get a laugh out of people. 

Nolan celebrated Adam's first Father's Day. These two are so cute. Nolan lights up when Adam gets home or walks down the stairs. He loves his Daddy. I do, too.

Nolan got sick again. He was also teething. It made for a particularly rough week of eating when these two coincided. It was a real struggle. But since that week, Nolan has decided to be opinionated about his meal time. My ravenous, eat anything in sight baby can sometimes be a stinker now when it comes to eating. I'm trying diligently to get him off baby purees, and it's nothing short of a sanctifying process. Nolan can put away a Chick-fil-a kids meal, devours fruit, loves hot dogs, eats Cheerios anytime anywhere, and still enjoys yogurt everyday.

Nolan experienced his first beach trip. It took some time, but he eventually enjoyed the sand and water. He didn't eat as much sand as I thought he would, which was a pleasant surprise! 

Nolan's current loves are: balloons (with all his heart!), balls, dogs, climbing the stairs, picture books, baths, and anything that means going outside. 

My sweet boy is turning 1 next month. Can't hardly believe it. 

10 Months

Nolan is 10 months. Ten. And now that we're back in Georgia, it is really hard for me to do these monthly updates because everyone who reads this is probably seeing him regularly. But, I kind of like having a record of it all. 

Nolan got a cold that lasted nearly 3 weeks. And I was not. a. fan. He was generally his happy self, but we battled congestion for weeks. Weeks, people. 

This kid figured out how to climb the stairs in about a day. He loves them. He's a speedy climber. If he's fussy waiting for dinner, we just put him on the stairs and let him climb. 

This little boy LOVES being outside. Something we're still getting used to is the heat down here in Atlanta. We used the kiddy pool as we eagerly awaited the opening of the neighborhood pool. [note: his hair looks very light in this picture. It's really not that light]

Nolan tends to eat pretty ravenously. Which I love and appreciate. He still prefers pureed food to finger food. I'm hoping when he gets some more teeth, we'll make some progress in the self feeding area. 

He did eat his first kids meal at Chick-Fil-A. He ate most of his grilled nuggets, the applesauce, and I even let him have some watered down lemonade. 

Taking pictures with this bear is getting nearly impossible. Nolan is quite the active guy and talks almost nonstop. 

I always sign and say "all done" after meals. He skipped the signing and started saying his own version of "all done." It sounds like allduh. Sometimes when I get him out of his crib from naps he'll also say, "Allduh." Pretty cute. 

He's a joy!! I can't believe we're almost to July. It can't be possible that a whole year has almost passed since he came into the world. Alas, we are almost to his birthday. 

You Made Me a Mama

My Sweet Boy,

Mother's Day was last week, and I couldn't help but think about you most of the day. And the days that followed. Your 9 month old self didn't really prepare anything special for me, but your Daddy helped you out. 

You, my Noley Poley, fulfilled a deep longing of my heart. For as long as I can remember, my answer to the- what do you want to be when you grow up- question has always been a mom. If God gives you siblings, I know I'll be crazy about them like I am you, but you, baby boy, made me a Mama. 

You soften my heart and regularly explode my understanding of love. You melt my heart with your cheesin' grins and eager giggles. I love the way you say, "Mamamamamama," when you reeeeeally need me. You make life richer and fuller. 

You've also frustrated me and driven me bananas some days. You've made me doubt my ability to be good enough for you. You've made me surrender my idea of what I thought this was going to look like for us and embrace what is ours. You've taught me to cherish today. To really enjoy what is ours today. 

Baby, you are growing fast. You'll be turning 1 before I know it. I've been working real hard to make sure I savor your soft, full cheeks and to rub your leg rolls daily. I've stopped rushing our nap time routine because the days are numbered of you laying that sweet head on my chest as you snuggle in for some sleep. You won't always kiss me open mouthed. You won't always choose me to dry your tears.

I'll always remember this first year. The year I became a Mama. The year you pushed me to rely on Jesus more. To surrender more. To trust more. The year you made me feel confident that this is what I was created for all the while feeling insecure at times that I was doing it wrong. Chunky Monkey, I'm so happy you are the baby that made me a Mama. I wouldn't pick anyone else.  

I sure do love you, Nolan. More than you could possibly imagine. And I love being your mom! 

N I N E Months

My sweet Noley Poley is 9 months. I can't believe it. And this past month was crazy. What a trooper we have in Nolan, and we're so grateful for him!! 

Nolan's teeth fiiiiiiiiinally came in! You can't really tell in this picture. But we got two teeth for the fuss of 1 night. Now his top 2 teeth are close!

Nolan spent HOURS in the car on our road trip back to the east coast. He did so awesome, and we are ridiculously blessed to have such a laid back and easy going boy. He definitely appreciated company in the back seat on the long days, but he did so, so good! 

I can't even remember all of the new foods Nolan tried this month! But I know he tried pasta, cauliflower, pumpkin, mango flavored yogurt, cheerios, tomatoes, and cheese. 

I really can't remember much about the last month. We packed up our lives in Seattle, took a 2 week long road trip, and we are settling into life in Georgia. 

Sorry, Nolan. Mama will do better next month! I'm still crazy about you, and I cannot imagine life without you. I love you forever and ever. 

Everything Must Go

"I found a shoebox stuffed with cards and notes from your students. Are we keeping this or can it can be thrown away?"

Adam asked me that over the phone. And I just took another deep breath. 

This is what the past week has been. If it can't fit in the jeep, and it's not super important, toss it. 

Even if it is super important to me, it might end up in the toss pile.

The amount of stuff we've donated is unreal. I'm not one to get attached to stuff, but it feels like I'm donating pieces of my life here. Because I am. Boxes and boxes of kitchen stuff, art supplies, decorations, bedding, frames, candles, lamps. You name it. I've probably given it away in the last 6 days. 

And it's exhausting. 

Because each day as we pack up or donate a piece of the life we built here, I'm also saying goodbye to someone. And it feels so belittling of relationships to offer an hour here or an hour there as a final goodbye. And I'm the first to admit that we didn't do a good job establishing roots here, but there was definitely a deposit made in the last almost 4 years. 

And I'm running out of steam. 

The hard part about leaving this place is we're headed down a road marked with uncertainty. We don't know where we'll land. We don't have a specific plan.  We don't know much. So as my girls said their final goodbyes last night, one of them said, "I hope this move is worth it!" And I wanted to collapse because it's the thought that's been in my head and my heart for the last few weeks. 

I know we want to be around family. I know the depth of relationships waiting for us back home is far greater than what we're leaving behind. I know this is the best choice for our family. I do know it will be worth it in the long run. 

But it's still a struggle. 

Adam has significantly less he's walking away from, so how we're handing this time is significantly different. We're going to arrive in Georgia with very little to show for the last 4 years (excluding our best souvenir- Nolan). And I'm working to be okay with that. 

But please, Adam. Don't make me throw away that shoebox. 

Crazy 8

Our little boy is 8 months!! How is it possible that 8 months have passed? He's such a cheeser, and we cannot be happier that we got this delightful surprise! I just love to smother those cheeks with kisses. 

This little guy is sitting by himself no problem! He can go from sitting to crawling with no problem. And yes, he is crawling. He progressed from army crawl to regular crawl pretty quickly. Life with a crawler is very different than life with a roller. 

Nolan still has no teeth, but anything he gets his hands on goes in his mouth. It's like he's been teething for months! It looks like there are 2 bottom teeth just below the surface of the gums. We're not sure, but he might be walking before he ever gets teeth.

New foods this month: peas, spinach, broccoli, chicken, honey dew melon, yogurt (peach, apple, blueberry, pear, banana), puffs, and potato. I think his least favorite of all of those would be the blueberry yogurt. He's devoured everything with remarkable speed. The above picture shows what Nolan looks like when he sneezes right after taking a spoonful of yogurt. 

I've been working on the concept of finger foods with Nolan. He's pretty good with the puffs now, but at first, every last one of them ended up on the floor or in his lap. And he would get very frustrated. But he's a champ at it now. I've started including other foods on the tray now, too. 

Turn your back for one second, and he gets pretty far. He really does love how soft that purple blanket is. Once he crawled his way over there, he just put his head down on the blanket and relaxed.

Our Chunky Monkey is growing like crazy! His hair is really filling in, too. I'm loving his laughter, his desire to explore (it's a love/hate relationship), his love for food, his excitement when Adam gets home, his perfect cheeks, and his laid back demeanor. 

Seriously, the kid is so happy most of the time. He loves to flap his arms and legs.

Confession: there are times when I'm not thrilled with the crawling. Because of his new skill, he's not as happy in the swing or jumperoo, making it significantly harder for me to get things done. 

And just because I think it's important to share the pictures that aren't super cute and flattering, I give you this treasure:

Makes me laugh every time. We love our sweet boy, and I can't express how much joy this guy brings to our lives. I love being his mama, and I'm so thankful God has entrusted him into our care.