Longing To Belong

So...it's 4:00, and I just got home, and guess who isn't here waiting for me. Yep. Adam. He's at work! He started a job on Monday, and we are in week 1 of what feels like barely seeing each other. But, boy, is my husband happy! Giddy might be the more appropriate word. He takes great delight in saying, "I have to go to work tomorrow!" 


With Adam accepting this new job, there's been a sinking realization for me. We're here. We're here in Seattle, and I need to fully live here. We're not going to just jet out of here anytime soon, and there's been a heaviness with this realization. 


Side note: Us being in Seattle is good for us and our marriage right now. 


Life is moving on back east, as it should, as we knew it would, and I feel left watching my friends and family live as I struggle to figure out what's here for us. I remember this terrorizing fear as I prepared to leave for Thailand. Everyone was going to keep living life without me and when I came back, there would be no place for me. Life and lives would go on, and they would see they were just fine.


I learned there was no reason to be so fearful as my friends and family welcomed me back with great excitement. 


But I'm just in this stage of feeling uncertain about it all.


Maybe because I don't know that I'll ever live in Atlanta again. Or maybe because so many of my staff friends are moving on in their lives too, and we have less opportunities to all be together. Or maybe because it doesn't seem like my friends are ever inclined to visit Washington. Reality is this: life is happening for everybody else.


I think the real reason for the uncertainty is that I don't feel so confident that I belong somewhere here. Yes, I have a very time consuming job. Yes, we have a wonderful church. We're in a small group. But some of the pieces of the puzzle seem to be missing. The deep heart connections just aren't here. We're still laying the groundwork for good relationships, and it takes time.  When I wanted to cry my eyes out yesterday because I was just so frustrated, poor Adam, floating on cloud 9 from working all day, got to hear me vent about 3 year olds and high school cheerleaders. 


The thing is, I know that we're so dearly loved by so many families out here. They have been generous and kind and caring. But it's more than that. It's the being known and having community. Building community is hard work, though.


And there's this thought in the back of my mind that as soon as that community is established, we'll be packing up to go overseas. But I try to quickly silence that.


All this to say, I'm ready to feel like I belong here, that we belong here. Also- the past 11 months of Adam not having a job (ya, he had a part time job for 2 months of that time stretch) has been exhausting! 


But just so I can record God's faithfulness yet again, my sweet preschooler from last year and her mom came to my classroom today and said, "Mrs. Tomberlin, please come to lunch with us! We just miss you so much!!" I wanted to hug the mom and silently cry on her shoulder. She just has impeccable timing! 


God is faithful to keep all His promises! My kiddos and I say that all the time. I just need to say it with a little more conviction!  

Raindrops on Roses...

My camera cord got smashed in the move back in December, so I haven't been able to upload pictures from my camera. But I finally got a new one! These are some things worth sharing...

Yes, this is the view outside our townhouse. I don't have a great camera, so it doesn't really do it justice.

I know, I know...it's annoying how photogenic he is. Notice the blue skies!

Hanging wedding pictures over Spring Break was a must for us. All of these frames were given to us, and we finally had time to fill them. My craft project from Michael's is that lovely 12-17-11 sign.

I never thought I would be one to skip the convenience of store bought items like cakes in a box, rolls, pizza crust, etc. But, I've been on a kick of making things from scratch, and these dinner rolls were so delightful!

Hello, Seattle! This is taken from Gasworks Park, one of my most favorite places to land in Seattle for a couple of hours. Adam and I just sat on the lawn for a long time on this gorgeous, sunny day.

Adam does not like to cook, but he does offer his assistance often. Unfortunately, if there are onions to chop in a recipe, that ends up being his job. He wants goggles to stop him from crying.

My amazing friend is on the World Race right now. She's in month 8 of 11. During the week of the letter W, I talked to my class about my friend and how she needed our encouragement and prayers. So, we took this picture to let her know we were cheering her on!

Lastly, my dishes just make me happy! We registered for 2 place settings of multiple sets of dishes. Some are square, some are round, some are solid, some have prints. But I love the colors, and I love opening my cupboards and seeing this! There's one set of dishes not pictured that I also love! :)

These are a few of my favorite things right now!

Back to the Daily Grind

School is back in session. 8 weeks to go.

One of the aspects of my job is to work with students (3rd-5th graders) one on one in reading and math. There's one girl that I work with every day. Her poor 4 year old brother is battling cancer, and she eats up my attention because life at home is kind of crazy and scary right now.

I say all this because we definitely have a relationship established. She sees me as someone who rescues her from her classroom for 30 minutes each day, and I see her as an adorable, albeit wiggly and chatty, girl who is struggling at school and desperate for adult attention and affection.

A few weeks ago she looked at me and said, "Mrs. Tomberlin, you wear the same things to school. You literally have 2 outfits." (Remember, this girl sees me everyday!!!)

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I just simply told her that I don't have a lot "school" clothes, and I don't like trying to think of new outfits to put together. She asked why I didn't just go buy new clothes, and I told her that I didn't have money to do that.

In a total moment of sincerity, she pulled out the 67 cents in her jacket pocket and said, "You can have my money. I didn't know you were poor."

I smiled and assured her that I wasn't poor, but I very much appreciated her offering. She was completely baffled as to how I could be not poor yet not have money to buy clothes. It's all relative, sweet girl!

Well, yesterday I picked her up from her classroom, and we walked down the hall to our tutoring room. She said, "Mrs. Tomberlin, you look so pretty today! You have never worn that outfit before!" She continued to look me over from head to toe before she added, "I know none of that is new though because I have seen all of those pieces before!"

She paused. Then assured me, "But you ARE pretty!"

Though the world tells me I need to be skinny, trendy, and beautiful, I now know that to get the approval of my 3rd grade friend here, I just need to mix up my "pieces" to produce better outfits.

Spring Break

It's Spring Break.

Huge sigh of relief.

I had to pick between posting a quick entry or working on the project I just bought all of the supplies for from Michael's. It was a tough choice. But felt like this might help me out more.

I told Adam what the last 10 Spring Breaks have looked like for me (yes, this takes me back to my freshman year of high school): knee surgery, California 3 years in a row, El Salvador, Cabo, Grand Cayman, South Africa, Seattle, and last year's trip to Atlanta/Lexington. So, I've been pretty spoiled. I've gone on some crazy, big trips for Spring Break. This would be the first one since I was 14 that I stayed put for the week. Ridiculous!

We've gotten a lot accomplished, had some fun, and we've experienced some 'firsts' as a married couple and for myself.

Highlights/Firsts for this Tomberlin family

*We ate the most amazing sandwiches from a wildly popular "restaurant" called Paseo. It's really just a step above a shack, but it had the best pork sandwiches I've ever had. That is a huge statement coming from this chica!

* We had our first Easter as a married couple and my first Easter without any other family. We grilled out with a couple of friends. I made my first cake (frosting included) completely from scratch, and it was much better than a box but much more time consuming!

* We've been working out together all week. Which has been really interesting and at times, a bit tense! Adam decided he was going to put us through modified workouts that he does for the football team. Wow. It's been a lot!

* I got to spend one on one time with a girl from our newlywed's group. It was so great, and it gave me hope that I can actually make friends with people my age outside of the FCC world.

* I got my hair cut, and I use that word loosely. It's still very long, but it is what it is. I used a gift card to get it done. I'll get it really cut when school is out.

* We finally hung pictures up in our house! Yay!! We printed wedding pictures yesterday, and we hung them all up today. They look great!

There have been some hard days leading up to this break, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to decompress and slow the pace down.

I was reading in James 1 last week, and the word 'steadfast' stood out to me. The first part of the chapter has the heading 'Testing of Your Faith.' Verse 3 says that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Verse 12 says that a man who stays steadfast under trial is called blessed, and he will receive the crown of life when he has stood the test of time. I was journaling about what I perceive to be a lack of steadfastness in my life these past few weeks.

I told Adam about a month ago that I was losing my patience for this season. He kind of just looked at me like, "Do you think you have any control of this?" Obviously, I do not.

Last week I was given a $600 bonus for my team taking 2nd in State. This was completely out of the blue and completely out of character for my school. On Saturday, Adam and I found out that we owe $600 for our taxes. Where I could have taken this opportunity to be grateful for God's provision, instead I let this feel like a punch to the gut. We just can't catch a break.

A few days after that, once I could have an attitude adjustment, I was sharing with the girl from my small group about all of the huge things that keep happening in the area of God meeting our needs. Every step of the way, God has provided and shown Himself faithful. She was in awe. Her and her husband make plenty of money to cover their expenses, but she actually expressed envy over where Adam and I are. That we get to see God show up time and time again. She viewed our situation as freeing. It's all about perspective, right?

We still have plane tickets to buy for 2 weddings that are back to back weekends in June. My car door handle broke (funny story, actually), so we have to roll down the window every time we need to get out of the car. Adam has a suit to buy for the wedding he's in; I have to buy a dress for the wedding I'm in. It all seems unending.

And maybe it is.

Perhaps that's where the steadfastness comes in.

I simply haven't felt like enough... as a teacher, as a wife, and as a daughter-in-law. Our bank accounts aren't "enough" for our expenses. There are days when I'm praying, and it feels empty and void. Or I sit quietly before the Lord with a lack of words to say.

In the midst of these trials, big or small, I'm called to be faithful, steadfast, and unmoving in my faith. I'm supposed to let steadfastness have it's full effect that I may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:4).

I feel like each week God shows off in our lives. Whether it's an extremely fun game night with our small group that meets Adam's social needs or a friend sending a care package filled with my favorite snacks, in the big stuff and the really small stuff, God is showing Himself faithful in our lives. And I need to let the trials produce steadfastness in my life.

In the midst of my lack of steadfastness and my feelings of inadequacy, my eyes have totally been inward instead of looking to Jesus and being fixated on Him.

Someone once told me the story of when she was on a tiny, tiny plane, and she was terrified out of her mind. There was no such thing as a smooth ride in a plane this small, and she was sitting diagonal to the pilot. It was her and her nephew and the pilot. That's it. They had taken off, and she was feeling quite nauseated and quite confident she was going to throw up. The pilot told her, "Just look straight ahead at that huge mountain. If you can keep your eyes focused on an object that's not moving and much larger than you, it will help keep you steady during the flight. Keep looking at that mountain!"

You can't ignore the imagery. If I can keep my eyes focused on my unmovable God, it will steady me in the midst of turbulence.

^" Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

Weekend Recap

We had 7 straight days of sunshine this past week. It was wonderful.

We've been house sitting for going on 10 days now. It has helped us come to 2 conclusions: 1. We are not ready to have kids. 2. We don't ever want to share our bed with an animal.

Anyways, we got to go away for a night, and two of my cheerleaders covered our house sitting duties. Adam lovingly arranged for us to go to Passion Vancouver on Friday. We left pretty much right after work to make it there by 7:30. We knew we'd hit traffic, but we didn't know that border control would add 40 minutes to our commute. Lame.

We ran into Passion 30 minutes late (because of the border delays) and very hungry and missing the UK game.

But there's something about walking into a packed arena, filled with people lifting high the name of Jesus. I can't do anything but pause and take in the beauty of the it all. I remember how overwhelmed I was at my first Passion experience back in 2006; I was instantly excited for heaven.

I wanted my seniors to experience this, too. I consider myself a product of the Passion movement, a part of the 268 generation. It was at that Passion in Nashville in January of 2006 that I first felt compelled to make Jesus' name famous. I remember Piper's message on God being passionate about His glory, and this was mind blowing for me. I remember Louie's message about whether you're making designer jeans or serving in a 3rd world country, your life should point to Jesus.

Passion isn't even known out here. It makes me sad, and if Passion returns to Vancouver next year, I'd love to take my high school seniors! It took stepping into that environment Friday night to remember again how foreign that environment is out here.

Anyways, we stayed in a hotel Friday night, so we could enjoy Vancouver on Saturday. Which- Vancouver is beautiful! It kind of seems futuristic, yet it's right in the middle of these gorgeous and huge mountains. Our room faced the water, and it was so beautiful. We went to breakfast, walked around, and drove through downtown. It was so fun.

The drive back was so pretty, too! Picturesque. Border control took a long time, yet again! It was refreshing to be gone even for 1 night. There's something about going away, and I'm not sure what it is. But I'm so thankful we got to do this.

And Sunday we watched UK play fantastic and beat Baylor for a spot in the Final Four. March Madness has been so fun! I will be sad next week when it's all over.

AND we purchased tickets to go to Haiti in June. We're committed to being globally minded, so we're going! My friend and her husband are leading the trip, and we kept joking about going on a trip together. And we realized the dates worked. We had no reason (except money) not to go. So, we're going! I'm pumped!!!

It was such a great weekend. I love spending time with Adam, and it makes Monday mornings NOT my favorite. Rolling out of bed and getting ready for work just makes me long for the weekend all over again. But I'm determined to not live weekend to weekend.

Remind me of that on Wednesday!

Kids Say The..

darndest things.

During sharing time, a little girl showed us a present that Santa gave her. To which one of my little girls boldly and proudly proclaimed, "Santa isn't real!!" I gave her the look, since she and I have gone over this multiple times. Her bestest buddy in class, whom she swears she will marry, responded, "If you don't believe in Santa or magic, I cannot marry you!" He was completely serious.

A little girl talking to a boy...

"My daddy says when I want to get married, you have to come be really nice to him first or else I can't marry you."

During prayer request time, I mentioned it was Adam's birthday:

"Can we pray for Mr. Adam? That he has a good birthday and gets the cake he wants? Is his mom making him a cake? Who is going to be on it?"

And finally, a girl in one of the other preschool classes was whispering to me during our chapel.

"I love your sparkly ring so much. It's so beautiful! Can I wear it today and bring it back tomorrow?"

ABSOLUTELY. NOT.

March Madness

It's March.

I can hardly believe it.

In devotions on Tuesday, the person leading said, "I'm pretty sure we only have 66 school days left to influence these kids for Jesus."

There was a moment of shock for all of us. 66 days. That's like 12ish more school weeks. I'm not sure where time has escaped to, but it's time to put the pedal to the metal in preschool.

Adam and I started our newlywed small group on Wednesday. We really like our small group leaders; they did our premarital class at church. We're up to share our story(ies?) this Wednesday. Leaving group on Wednesday, we pondered how it is "our story," but it just seems like a short story. Because our one-ness is still really new. Much of our story right now, is the journey we both took prior to us becoming "us." Anyways, we're both excited to connect with these other couples and do life with them.

But it's had me realizing how much Adam has changed me. My sister said it well at our wedding reception that I went from a super independent- I can do this myself-don't mess with me- girl to accepting the covering, protection, and companionship Adam offered. Now, I still think I can do a lot of things by myself, and I get frustrated with Adam when he offers assistance on silly tasks that I'm CLEARLY capable of. To which he has to continually remind me that he's not offering help because I can't do it but simply because he loves to help. I'm still a work in progress.

March is also my only month off from coaching. But I confess, I've started designing camp clothes, looking at team shoes, and mapping out the 2012-2013 season. Our award's night is March 12, and then my dream team will officially cease to exist.

And TRUE March Madness will be in full swing in my house. Adam and I have been able to watch most of the UK games online, and I have been fully sucked into their season. I got up at 9 this morning to watch their final game in regular season, only to realize the game is tomorrow. I do love watching UK play, and it's nice that I get to jump on board with my husband's team who just happens to be #1 in the country! Go Cats!

Adam is at a clinic this weekend, so last night one of the preschool teachers invited me to hang out with her and her kids since her husband was going to be gone too. They came into my room at 3:45, and her little boy, whom I taught last year in the 3s class, was insisting we leave. I told him that I needed to go home and change first. He said, "No! You don't need to change. You look beautiful right now. Let's go!" Sweet boy. It kind of made my day.

That's it for now. Excited for March!