Monday, August 25, 2014
If only I had known...
Dear Me One Year Ago,
You've had that baby of yours for about a month now. I know. He's the cutest baby you've ever seen. Even the pouty lip is adorable. Here are some things you should know, Mama.
The schedule you're working so incredibly hard to implement and maintain, it's worth it!! The pay off is huge. People are going to call you rigid and crazy, but you're going to have a baby that sleeps and enjoys a predictable schedule. You and Adam will also sleep, so hang in there. The schedule works out big time for you and the little man.
The unsolicited advice strangers, relatives, and friends are going to offer? Repeat after me: Smile and nod. Yes, it's gets annoying. Yes, people are offering advice all. the. time. But the intentions are good. However, you know your baby better than anyone else, so always keep that in mind. Sometimes you'll hear good advice, too. Don't chuck it all out the window. But don't let it get to you. They aren't offering advice because you're doing something wrong; they're offering advice because they care.
That sweet husband of yours has NO IDEA what you're going through right now. Nolan's life isn't dependent on Adam. He's not recovering from a traumatic birth. He is absolutely clueless to the millions of emotions and thoughts you experience in an hour. Give him grace on grace on grace. He's not leaving dishes undone because he wants you to do them. He's not on his iPad because it's more attractive than you are. He doesn't notice the kitchen you cleaned because he's completely smitten with the cutest baby you both have ever seen. He's not ignoring the fact that this is hard; he just literally has no way to fix it, so he feels helpless. Oh, and don't micromanage him. So what if he does things a little differently than you do. Don't sweat the small stuff, sista!
You are going to have a love-hate relationship with the swaddle. I wish I could really prepare you for this, but I can't.
There's going to come a stretch of a few weeks where you let Nolan get in bed with you from 6:30-7ish so you both can sleep a little longer. You're going to worry if you're creating a bad habit. DON'T worry. Enjoy it. Cuddle your boy. Savor the feeling. You won't believe how soon the dude will refuse to sleep on you [and you will be very sad about this]. You're going to switch to formula and feel totally insecure about your decision. DON'T feel shamed. Nolan's healthy. He's happy. He drinks formula? So what. You're both going to be okay.
You're going to be able to rock your dream wardrobe- athletic clothes- all day, everyday. But guess what. You're going to enjoy the days you take the time to get dressed in actual clothes. They will be few and far between. But those days are necessary. Sometimes you're going to need a reminder that you didn't always wear pants with an elastic waist.
Now, listen. You need to get in a Moms group. This mom gig, it really goes better within community. Being isolated and not connected with other moms is going to be really, really hard. So, that schedule I encouraged you about? It's good. But it's also flexible. If you have to compromise your schedule one day a week to get in a group, DO IT!! You need the relationships with other women. You need other women to Amen your hardships and celebrate your victories.
You're going to have moments when you are completely overwhelmed by how much you love your little boy. And in those moments, remember God's entrusted him into your care. He's an amazing gift, but he's not yours. Be grateful. Be prayerful. But be surrendered, too. Everyone will be telling you how fast it all goes, so treasure these times. You will have hard days. You won't want to treasure those. That's okay. You'll get to start a new day.
Take more videos of your baby. Rock him a little longer once he's fallen asleep in your arms. Ask Adam to take pictures of you and Nolan; it's not going to occur to him to do that (again, it's not personal, so don't take it that way). Enjoy this year, Mama. You're going to love being a mom! You're going to be thrilled and humbled and lonely (at times) and elated and filled to the brim with joy. There will be some hard parts of the journey, but Marissa, you were made for this!
Keepin' It Real,
Me
Thursday, August 21, 2014
There seems to be an overwhelming amount of bad things in the news lately. With the speed and volume of which news is reported, it's easy to become desensitized to the content. Not to mention, there are biases and agendas in almost every article, one can be distracted by those things instead of the issues at hand.
The ISIS crisis, the ebola outbreak, the mayhem in Ferguson-- these are all lives we're talking about. Not just numbers and statistics. The situation in Iraq and Syria makes me so incredibly sad and sick. When I think about those moms and dads over there feeling helpless in protecting their children, I want to weep for them. I don't know the desperation, the violence, the hatred they are facing. I cannot fathom trying to survive. I cannot possibly guess what words and emotions fill their cries to God. I can often plead nothing more than, "Lord, please have mercy."
At church on Sunday we sang the song Forever by Kari Jobe. It's a good song. It talks about Christ defeating death forever. Forever. And that forever He is lifted high. And I think about all of the heartbreaking situations all over the world. I think about mamas holding their lifeless children. I think about villages wiped out by disease. I think about empty bellies that haven't been filled in days. I think about the oppressed, the forgotten, the enslaved, the dying, the captured. And I wonder how hard it would be for them to sing those words.
The Lamb has overcome, like the song says, but we are certainly waging war against darkness. And it seems to be getting darker. And heavier.
But Jesus lives. The cross happened. There will be an end to all of this.
I desperately want to see the Light start suffocating the darkness. I know Who is victorious. I know how this story ends. Oh that Jesus's name would be lifted on high! That the hope of glory would rise like the sun. That hearts would turn to Jesus.
My heart is heavy. It leaves me wanting heaven to invade Earth.
Jesus, come.
The ISIS crisis, the ebola outbreak, the mayhem in Ferguson-- these are all lives we're talking about. Not just numbers and statistics. The situation in Iraq and Syria makes me so incredibly sad and sick. When I think about those moms and dads over there feeling helpless in protecting their children, I want to weep for them. I don't know the desperation, the violence, the hatred they are facing. I cannot fathom trying to survive. I cannot possibly guess what words and emotions fill their cries to God. I can often plead nothing more than, "Lord, please have mercy."
At church on Sunday we sang the song Forever by Kari Jobe. It's a good song. It talks about Christ defeating death forever. Forever. And that forever He is lifted high. And I think about all of the heartbreaking situations all over the world. I think about mamas holding their lifeless children. I think about villages wiped out by disease. I think about empty bellies that haven't been filled in days. I think about the oppressed, the forgotten, the enslaved, the dying, the captured. And I wonder how hard it would be for them to sing those words.
The Lamb has overcome, like the song says, but we are certainly waging war against darkness. And it seems to be getting darker. And heavier.
But Jesus lives. The cross happened. There will be an end to all of this.
I desperately want to see the Light start suffocating the darkness. I know Who is victorious. I know how this story ends. Oh that Jesus's name would be lifted on high! That the hope of glory would rise like the sun. That hearts would turn to Jesus.
My heart is heavy. It leaves me wanting heaven to invade Earth.
Jesus, come.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Happy Birthday, Nolan
My Most Loved Noley Poley,
It's your birthday, baby boy. You are a fresh faced one year old. You've grown and changed so much in the last year that I have a hard time remembering your littleness. Last night I spent time looking at pictures and videos of your tiny days, and my heart ached a little at how hard it was for me to recall your baby babble and sleepy stretches. Everything about your baby self was just so captivating.
And now. Now you are crossing over into toddlerhood. You're walking and shaking your head no. You're exploring everything. You have opinions about what you want to eat and what you absolutely do not want to eat. The growing and changing may be slower than it was in your first year, but it's definitely still happening.
You've also grown and changed me, Nolan. This first year of yours was my first year of motherhood, too. God's used you to shape me, refine me, and love me. Your tiny self brought me to my knees, humbled and surrendered before our Big God. Your smiles and laughs brought me inexplicable joy. Your desire to be near me, to be held, has me wanting to draw close to my Savior. Your absolute trust in me has challenged me to wholly trust Jesus.
As you cross into toddlerhood, I can't help but realize that you're going to require a lot more parenting in the coming days. Your daddy and I are going to be training you, guiding you, and hopefully pointing you to Jesus. I'm praying that you grow to be a man of integrity and respect. That you are a leader among leaders for the way you follow after Jesus. That you are generous and kind. That you are noble, just like your name means.
Last night as I gave you your bottle before bed, I couldn't stop the cascade of tears streaming down my face. I don't think I was sad. Okay, maybe I was a little sad. But I'm just so grateful that YOU came into my life. I'm so thankful I get to be your mom, and that I get to spend hours and hours with you each day. You are a joy bringer with that adorable smile and belly laugh. You are a delight to love and cuddle. You are so fun, so curious, and so silly. You never tire of outside or playing with balls and balloons. You are very much a little boy.
But those 2 minutes after each nap and every morning, when you wrap those Noley arms around my neck, weaving your fingers in my hair, and resting your head against mine, face to face...I live for those minutes. I will always love you, baby boy. There's nothing you could do or say to change that.
Happy Birthday, big boy!! I'm thrilled and honored to celebrate your life.
Love,
Your Mama
PS. I know I'll NEVER let you forget this, but I was in labor for literally 72 hours with you. Three. Straight. Days. Worth every second of it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Creating Legacies
The combination of having a child and living so close to family has caused me to really think about the things I most value and if I'm living in such a way that it will be obvious to my children. Adam and I both came from loving, whole families, which is becoming more and more rare these days. We get to watch and learn and reflect on the legacies being created right before our eyes.
One thing that I highly value and appreciate about my parents is their emphasis on whole family time and vacations. We've been on some pretty awesome family vacations- Hawaii, Costa Rica, Cancun, Tahoe. But the weeks at the Florida and South Carolina beaches are just as memorable and meaningful as the more extravagant ones.
When we first moved to Atlanta, my mom worked at my dad's store to save money for us to go to the Grand Canyon and Colorado. How self sacrificing! That was our first ever big family vacation, and it was awesome. I still remember my sister on the airplane asking, "Are we about to blast off?"
Because these vacations aren't about seeing cool places (but it's really a fantastic bonus). They're about creating family memories and strengthening the bond we have with one another. These vacations were obviously easier to pull off when we all lived at home. But my parents have continued to make it a point to get all of us together for family vacations. And I love it!
We just had a weekend at the lake with everyone after also having a week at the beach in May. Nolan's budding relationships with his cousins makes me ridiculously happy. A full house filled with chaos makes me almost giddy. I recognize that my love for family time is part of what my parents are passing down to me (hopefully my siblings as well). Being intentional about coming together is something I highly value. And it's something that's been modeled to me for much of my life.
It's caused me to think about what we're living out for Nolan right now. What is he going to notice that is especially important to us that could potentially become especially important to him. As we're praying about our next steps, I hope we realize we're living out a legacy. Adam and I have been examining how we're using this life, how we're living out our faith. We say we want to live Jesus centered lives, but what does that look like? It's prodding good conversations and pushing us to action. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful we have parents who are passing on legacies that are worth so much more than riches. I'm hoping we can be faithful with what's been deposited into us as we sow into our children the things that really matter.
One thing that I highly value and appreciate about my parents is their emphasis on whole family time and vacations. We've been on some pretty awesome family vacations- Hawaii, Costa Rica, Cancun, Tahoe. But the weeks at the Florida and South Carolina beaches are just as memorable and meaningful as the more extravagant ones.
When we first moved to Atlanta, my mom worked at my dad's store to save money for us to go to the Grand Canyon and Colorado. How self sacrificing! That was our first ever big family vacation, and it was awesome. I still remember my sister on the airplane asking, "Are we about to blast off?"
Because these vacations aren't about seeing cool places (but it's really a fantastic bonus). They're about creating family memories and strengthening the bond we have with one another. These vacations were obviously easier to pull off when we all lived at home. But my parents have continued to make it a point to get all of us together for family vacations. And I love it!
We just had a weekend at the lake with everyone after also having a week at the beach in May. Nolan's budding relationships with his cousins makes me ridiculously happy. A full house filled with chaos makes me almost giddy. I recognize that my love for family time is part of what my parents are passing down to me (hopefully my siblings as well). Being intentional about coming together is something I highly value. And it's something that's been modeled to me for much of my life.
It's caused me to think about what we're living out for Nolan right now. What is he going to notice that is especially important to us that could potentially become especially important to him. As we're praying about our next steps, I hope we realize we're living out a legacy. Adam and I have been examining how we're using this life, how we're living out our faith. We say we want to live Jesus centered lives, but what does that look like? It's prodding good conversations and pushing us to action. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful we have parents who are passing on legacies that are worth so much more than riches. I'm hoping we can be faithful with what's been deposited into us as we sow into our children the things that really matter.
But for real, this cousin love makes me happy!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
In Transition And Counting Blessings
We left our home in Seattle on April 1. It's been over 12 weeks since then, and we are still in a place of transition. In the past few days I've found myself looking back. Looking back at what we left behind. Perhaps it's because we're still not sure what's coming next, so it's been easier to look back and remember instead of looking forward and dreaming of what could be.
This looking back is heightened by the fact that Nolan's birthday is coming up. Our baby boy has almost completed a full year with us. And I can't help but remember the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The stress of packing up our townhouse. The hard work put into getting our next place ready. The group effort of making a garage apartment feel like a home. I remember it all.
The past few days I've been a little blue, perhaps grieving the loss. It's not like our life in Seattle was exceptionally great. But it was ours. We were lacking consistent friends. We had no family nearby. But it's where our marriage began. It's where we became parents. It's where Marissa and Adam really took shape into our own family.
So, I miss our apartment. I miss our favorite food places. I miss the hundreds of parks we could choose from. I miss the fact that one of my girls came over to hang out every Wednesday. I miss the rhythm we had. I miss what became my normal there.
It's probably typical for me to look back and have a romanticized view on things. But the longing for what we had is stronger right now because I'm well aware of what we're lacking. Adam's still looking for a job. I'm not coaching for the first time in 6 years. We don't have our own place to live. We only have 1 car. This "in transition" season feels harder than where we were 3 months ago.
But it isn't.
My mom gave me a devotional for Mother's Day by Ann Voskamp. In the first day there was a line that jumped out at me: The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems. A few days later she goes on to talk about the pride of thanklessness. Suffice it to say it's causing me to do some heart searching.
There are days that I feel like my whole life is about Nolan.
There are weeks that I only leave my house a couple of times.
There are moments of tears, feeling lonely and sad for what we left behind.
But...
I'm determined to discover that this season is yielding more blessings than it seems. Because this life I have-- is rich! And full!
So, I'm taking on the challenge to count 1,000 gifts. I don't know that I'll always write about them. But I've got a list going. Some things seem insignificant. But those count, too.
1. The crunch when cutting lettuce
2. Nolan's sheer joy when he gets to play on our bed
3. Cloudy and cool (not blazing hot) summer mornings
4. Baby arms around my neck
5. Looking at houses for fun with Adam
6. New babies
7. Dinner I didn't cook
I am the recipient of unending graces. I'm choosing to see them. To embrace them. To count some of them.
This life is yielding thousands of blessings.
This looking back is heightened by the fact that Nolan's birthday is coming up. Our baby boy has almost completed a full year with us. And I can't help but remember the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The stress of packing up our townhouse. The hard work put into getting our next place ready. The group effort of making a garage apartment feel like a home. I remember it all.
The past few days I've been a little blue, perhaps grieving the loss. It's not like our life in Seattle was exceptionally great. But it was ours. We were lacking consistent friends. We had no family nearby. But it's where our marriage began. It's where we became parents. It's where Marissa and Adam really took shape into our own family.
So, I miss our apartment. I miss our favorite food places. I miss the hundreds of parks we could choose from. I miss the fact that one of my girls came over to hang out every Wednesday. I miss the rhythm we had. I miss what became my normal there.
It's probably typical for me to look back and have a romanticized view on things. But the longing for what we had is stronger right now because I'm well aware of what we're lacking. Adam's still looking for a job. I'm not coaching for the first time in 6 years. We don't have our own place to live. We only have 1 car. This "in transition" season feels harder than where we were 3 months ago.
But it isn't.
My mom gave me a devotional for Mother's Day by Ann Voskamp. In the first day there was a line that jumped out at me: The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems. A few days later she goes on to talk about the pride of thanklessness. Suffice it to say it's causing me to do some heart searching.
There are days that I feel like my whole life is about Nolan.
There are weeks that I only leave my house a couple of times.
There are moments of tears, feeling lonely and sad for what we left behind.
But...
I'm determined to discover that this season is yielding more blessings than it seems. Because this life I have-- is rich! And full!
So, I'm taking on the challenge to count 1,000 gifts. I don't know that I'll always write about them. But I've got a list going. Some things seem insignificant. But those count, too.
1. The crunch when cutting lettuce
2. Nolan's sheer joy when he gets to play on our bed
3. Cloudy and cool (not blazing hot) summer mornings
4. Baby arms around my neck
5. Looking at houses for fun with Adam
6. New babies
7. Dinner I didn't cook
I am the recipient of unending graces. I'm choosing to see them. To embrace them. To count some of them.
This life is yielding thousands of blessings.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
11 Months
Nolan's 11 months. I'm going to have a 1 year old next month. This has been an incredibly fast year, and I admit that I find myself looking through old pictures to remember Nolan's smallness. Because honestly, he just seems like such the little boy that remembering him as a tiny baby can be a struggle.
Nolan is getting to experience this Georgia summer in all of its hotness and humidity. We've had many trips to the pool. Some days he likes it. Some days he doesn't.
Nolan stands by himself now. He can stoop down to pick something up, stand back up, and repeat as needed. He'll walk holding onto furniture, and he's taken a step here and there. But he really seems quite content with the speed in which he can crawl.
He's also clapping now. Which is very, very cute. We've been watching the World Cup, and when it shows the audience clapping, he'll start clapping, too.
If you say, "Nolan, can you bow?" He'll start bowing his head. This trick has really evolved over time, but we really, really love it. Nolan also shakes his head, "No." He'll shake his head when he doesn't want to eat something I'm offering (annoying!), and he'll also shake his head to get a laugh out of people.
Nolan celebrated Adam's first Father's Day. These two are so cute. Nolan lights up when Adam gets home or walks down the stairs. He loves his Daddy. I do, too.
Nolan got sick again. He was also teething. It made for a particularly rough week of eating when these two coincided. It was a real struggle. But since that week, Nolan has decided to be opinionated about his meal time. My ravenous, eat anything in sight baby can sometimes be a stinker now when it comes to eating. I'm trying diligently to get him off baby purees, and it's nothing short of a sanctifying process. Nolan can put away a Chick-fil-a kids meal, devours fruit, loves hot dogs, eats Cheerios anytime anywhere, and still enjoys yogurt everyday.
Nolan experienced his first beach trip. It took some time, but he eventually enjoyed the sand and water. He didn't eat as much sand as I thought he would, which was a pleasant surprise!
Nolan's current loves are: balloons (with all his heart!), balls, dogs, climbing the stairs, picture books, baths, and anything that means going outside.
My sweet boy is turning 1 next month. Can't hardly believe it.
Nolan is getting to experience this Georgia summer in all of its hotness and humidity. We've had many trips to the pool. Some days he likes it. Some days he doesn't.
Nolan stands by himself now. He can stoop down to pick something up, stand back up, and repeat as needed. He'll walk holding onto furniture, and he's taken a step here and there. But he really seems quite content with the speed in which he can crawl.
He's also clapping now. Which is very, very cute. We've been watching the World Cup, and when it shows the audience clapping, he'll start clapping, too.
If you say, "Nolan, can you bow?" He'll start bowing his head. This trick has really evolved over time, but we really, really love it. Nolan also shakes his head, "No." He'll shake his head when he doesn't want to eat something I'm offering (annoying!), and he'll also shake his head to get a laugh out of people.
Nolan celebrated Adam's first Father's Day. These two are so cute. Nolan lights up when Adam gets home or walks down the stairs. He loves his Daddy. I do, too.
Nolan got sick again. He was also teething. It made for a particularly rough week of eating when these two coincided. It was a real struggle. But since that week, Nolan has decided to be opinionated about his meal time. My ravenous, eat anything in sight baby can sometimes be a stinker now when it comes to eating. I'm trying diligently to get him off baby purees, and it's nothing short of a sanctifying process. Nolan can put away a Chick-fil-a kids meal, devours fruit, loves hot dogs, eats Cheerios anytime anywhere, and still enjoys yogurt everyday.
Nolan experienced his first beach trip. It took some time, but he eventually enjoyed the sand and water. He didn't eat as much sand as I thought he would, which was a pleasant surprise!
Nolan's current loves are: balloons (with all his heart!), balls, dogs, climbing the stairs, picture books, baths, and anything that means going outside.
My sweet boy is turning 1 next month. Can't hardly believe it.
Monday, June 2, 2014
10 Months
Nolan is 10 months. Ten. And now that we're back in Georgia, it is really hard for me to do these monthly updates because everyone who reads this is probably seeing him regularly. But, I kind of like having a record of it all.
Nolan got a cold that lasted nearly 3 weeks. And I was not. a. fan. He was generally his happy self, but we battled congestion for weeks. Weeks, people.
This kid figured out how to climb the stairs in about a day. He loves them. He's a speedy climber. If he's fussy waiting for dinner, we just put him on the stairs and let him climb.
This little boy LOVES being outside. Something we're still getting used to is the heat down here in Atlanta. We used the kiddy pool as we eagerly awaited the opening of the neighborhood pool. [note: his hair looks very light in this picture. It's really not that light]
Nolan tends to eat pretty ravenously. Which I love and appreciate. He still prefers pureed food to finger food. I'm hoping when he gets some more teeth, we'll make some progress in the self feeding area.
He did eat his first kids meal at Chick-Fil-A. He ate most of his grilled nuggets, the applesauce, and I even let him have some watered down lemonade.
Taking pictures with this bear is getting nearly impossible. Nolan is quite the active guy and talks almost nonstop.
I always sign and say "all done" after meals. He skipped the signing and started saying his own version of "all done." It sounds like allduh. Sometimes when I get him out of his crib from naps he'll also say, "Allduh." Pretty cute.
He's a joy!! I can't believe we're almost to July. It can't be possible that a whole year has almost passed since he came into the world. Alas, we are almost to his birthday.
This kid figured out how to climb the stairs in about a day. He loves them. He's a speedy climber. If he's fussy waiting for dinner, we just put him on the stairs and let him climb.
This little boy LOVES being outside. Something we're still getting used to is the heat down here in Atlanta. We used the kiddy pool as we eagerly awaited the opening of the neighborhood pool. [note: his hair looks very light in this picture. It's really not that light]
Nolan tends to eat pretty ravenously. Which I love and appreciate. He still prefers pureed food to finger food. I'm hoping when he gets some more teeth, we'll make some progress in the self feeding area.
He did eat his first kids meal at Chick-Fil-A. He ate most of his grilled nuggets, the applesauce, and I even let him have some watered down lemonade.
Taking pictures with this bear is getting nearly impossible. Nolan is quite the active guy and talks almost nonstop.
I always sign and say "all done" after meals. He skipped the signing and started saying his own version of "all done." It sounds like allduh. Sometimes when I get him out of his crib from naps he'll also say, "Allduh." Pretty cute.
He's a joy!! I can't believe we're almost to July. It can't be possible that a whole year has almost passed since he came into the world. Alas, we are almost to his birthday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)