Man, it really doesn't seem possible that it's time to think back on another year. My reflections on 2014 seems all too recent for it to be time for a look back on 2015. But, time really is flying. I'm just chugging along day after day, and then BAM! A year is over. It's mind boggling.
These are some of my thoughts (only some of them) on the this past year.
On Being A Mom to 2
It's weird that I started this year pregnant and I'm ending it with an 8 month old crawler and of course the most exuberant 2 year old on this planet. The transition to two was a breeze for me compared to the first baby; it was not a breeze for Nolan. So being the best mom I could to Nolan in that transition was tough. It didn't take too long to settle into a good rhythm as a family of 4.
I did notice I put unnecessary pressure on myself. I would often ask myself in a panic, "Am I loving Isaac as much as I loved Nolan at this stage?" Once I let that ridiculousness go, it was really smooth sailing. The second baby is different. I was way more laid back about stuff. I was confident in what I was doing and how I was doing it.
I do love being a mom, and it is without a doubt the most humbling and refining thing I've ever sunk my entire being into. There are plenty of times I fall short, and I have the personality to really dwell on those times and play them back in my head, but I'm working to retrain my self. To give myself grace and ask Jesus to fill in all the gaps and mold me as I do the best I can on this motherhood journey.
One of my biggest takeaways from this year is that Nolan is absorbing way more than I often realize, especially when it comes to music and screens. I can't believe the stuff Nolan takes as truth because it's in a song. I can't believe how easy it is for him to learn songs! We are already a very minimal screen time kind of family, and I'm sticking to my guns even more so now. Nolan is so influenced by what he sees, and I'm not going to take that lightly.
[I have no judgement for parents who have different screenology for their kids. I don't know your life, and I'm not about to assume I could make better decisions for your family.]
On Being Adam's Wife
Our transition to a family of 3 was really tough on our marriage. The transition to 4 was just the opposite. It really enforced some serious TEAMWORK. Throw in there that Adam started a new job not even 2 months before Isaac came, and we could've had ourselves a nice little disaster. But loving Adam through these changes was easy.
There were still times of frustration, hurt feelings, and utter confusion, but I worked really hard to make sure Adam knew that I was always for him. I want him to feel affirmed, respected, and appreciated when he comes home. I want him to want to come home. Again, I wasn't always successful at this, but I'm learning to manage expectations which helps so much.
I'm so thankful to be married to a man that I so enjoy. And it's been such a delight to watch Adam grow in this new position. I love seeing him trust Jesus more, and I love seeing him enjoy what he's doing. Such a welcomed change of pace!
On Being a Part of a Church
So, the first Sunday of January we tried out a new church, and we never left. We are wrapping up a full year at our church. We're still eager to gain deeper community and see relationships grow and thrive. I've spent the last 5 months heavily involved in the children's ministry and even have myself a part time job there.
While we still have some work to do relationally, it feels so nice to be a part of a local church body. We actually had a pastor come pray over Isaac in the hospital when he was born. People were genuinely excited to see us our first Sunday back after having Isaac. It's nice to be a part of a body like that.
On Living In This Apartment
This has been quite the struggle and roller coaster. We've put an offer on 3 different houses, been under contract for 3 weeks with one of them, and yet we find ourselves still living in this 2 bedroom apartment. And you know, big picture, we don't have much to complain about. But boy are we eager to be in a house that is ours. Eager to have a room for our baby to sleep in instead of the family room. Eager to have space for more people to come and hang out. Eager to have a kitchen without a washer and dryer in it (still weird to me 14 months later).
For a while I rarely invited people over because the space is so limited. But I eventually embraced our life here and stopped being apologetic about where we live. I love opening our home up to people, and I wish I had the opportunity to do this in a house. But I don't right now. So, I keep inviting people into our home to eat around our very cramped table.
The few mom friends I have NEVER bring their kids to play here, and that is very disappointing to me. Because Isaac naps in the morning, we are STUCK. I feel like I'm always the one driving out to them, and it would be so nice to take turns. But I understand (boy do I) that spending a rainy day inside our small apartment doesn't sound fun. But not only are we stuck here often, Nolan is rarely put into a position where he has to share his toys (Hm...maybe that's why he has a hard time with Isaac using his stuff). Anyways, I wish this dynamic was different.
Without doubt, the hardest thing about apartment living right now is that my wild and active 2 year old doesn't have a yard to run free in.
On 2015
This year was a really good year. We got Isaac Dean! I walked through some serious anxiety heading into his birth, and I felt Jesus sustain me through it all. I worked, and I mean really worked, to battle the fear that was suffocating at times. I got to watch my husband start a new relationship with our new son, and I got to watch Nolan's admiration of his Daddy grow right before me. We had a lot of really memorable moments together as a family.
I'm thankful, so very thankful for the life God has given me and for the little people He's entrusted into my care. I so badly want to love them well. I want to love them right to the heart of Jesus. I plead for God to draw my sweet babies to Himself while they are young.
I haven't really thought about 2016 yet. I don't know what my hopes and dreams are for next year. Right now I'm mostly reflective and thankful for the year we're wrapping up.
2015 was good to us except that it passed at lightning speed.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Crazy 8 Months
8 months. Two thirds of his first year--done. Sometimes I'm sad, but he's soooooooooooo much fun. So, that helps.
He still has blue eyes. And I still think that they will change at some point. I know, I know- they are so blue. And they are beautiful. I love them. I just can't believe they will stay. His hair is getting darker, and I think his eyes will follow suit. I'm more than okay with being wrong.
Isaac went to Disney. He loved it. No, not really. He was seriously the BEST baby while we were there. His morning nap was a joke each day, since we were at the parks. And he handled it like a champ. He got a good afternoon nap each day, and once he we got home he went right back to his regular schedule. He's a good boy like that.
Isaac got a cold including some pretty annoying congestion. This led to some hard times with nursing. As in, he started refusing to nurse because he couldn't breathe. So, as predicted, we're done!!! We were completely done about a week after Disney. Thankfully, I still have some breastmilk in the freezer, but my stash is almost gone. For the record, I do NOT miss nursing. I love bottle feeding. And I still snuggle my little man just as much as I did before.
This is one area that I look back on with Nolan and want to change. And what I want to change is the shame and embarrassment I felt from switching to formula. I wish I could tell that Marissa, "You are not a failure! Just because you aren't nursing doesn't make you less than or not enough or a quitter!" Because that's how I felt. You know how I feel now? Just plain happy with my happy baby.
Isaac is going to be such a tough guy because Nolan is SO ROUGH with him. Oh man. I can't count how many times I say each day, "Isaac needs space, buddy!"
This is still the cutest thing ever to me. A side sleeper AND the thumb- it gets me every time. EVERY TIME.
Issac is still taking 2 naps. He gets 4 bottles a day, each of them either 6 or 5 ounces. He gets solids three times a day. He refuses to pick up food and put it in his mouth. He just bangs the tray until all of the food falls off. Now, when he finds a piece of paper or trash or mulch on the floor? That makes it to his mouth no problem. Go figure.
Isaac looks huge, right? I didn't take his 7 month pictures with the bear. But he looks HUGE to me. I mean, his onesie alone is bigger than the bear. Those thighs are the best. I could squeeze them all day.
Isaac is so fun! His personality is coming out so much. He's a speedy crawler! He loves eating. He loves my hair. He laughs at Nolan so much. He super loves his sippy cup but cannot for the life of him get anything out of it. He got his new carseat, and that seems to be helping in the car. I think he can see Nolan better, and he's much more entertained. He did not have said carseat for the road trip to Orlando, and it was a real struggle coming home.
I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's going to be 1 in less than 4 months. I'm enjoying where we are right now, and I'm kissing those cheeks and squeezing those thighs! Oh, I love this baby!!
He still has blue eyes. And I still think that they will change at some point. I know, I know- they are so blue. And they are beautiful. I love them. I just can't believe they will stay. His hair is getting darker, and I think his eyes will follow suit. I'm more than okay with being wrong.
Isaac went to Disney. He loved it. No, not really. He was seriously the BEST baby while we were there. His morning nap was a joke each day, since we were at the parks. And he handled it like a champ. He got a good afternoon nap each day, and once he we got home he went right back to his regular schedule. He's a good boy like that.
Isaac got a cold including some pretty annoying congestion. This led to some hard times with nursing. As in, he started refusing to nurse because he couldn't breathe. So, as predicted, we're done!!! We were completely done about a week after Disney. Thankfully, I still have some breastmilk in the freezer, but my stash is almost gone. For the record, I do NOT miss nursing. I love bottle feeding. And I still snuggle my little man just as much as I did before.
This is one area that I look back on with Nolan and want to change. And what I want to change is the shame and embarrassment I felt from switching to formula. I wish I could tell that Marissa, "You are not a failure! Just because you aren't nursing doesn't make you less than or not enough or a quitter!" Because that's how I felt. You know how I feel now? Just plain happy with my happy baby.
Isaac is going to be such a tough guy because Nolan is SO ROUGH with him. Oh man. I can't count how many times I say each day, "Isaac needs space, buddy!"
This is still the cutest thing ever to me. A side sleeper AND the thumb- it gets me every time. EVERY TIME.
Issac is still taking 2 naps. He gets 4 bottles a day, each of them either 6 or 5 ounces. He gets solids three times a day. He refuses to pick up food and put it in his mouth. He just bangs the tray until all of the food falls off. Now, when he finds a piece of paper or trash or mulch on the floor? That makes it to his mouth no problem. Go figure.
Isaac looks huge, right? I didn't take his 7 month pictures with the bear. But he looks HUGE to me. I mean, his onesie alone is bigger than the bear. Those thighs are the best. I could squeeze them all day.
Isaac is so fun! His personality is coming out so much. He's a speedy crawler! He loves eating. He loves my hair. He laughs at Nolan so much. He super loves his sippy cup but cannot for the life of him get anything out of it. He got his new carseat, and that seems to be helping in the car. I think he can see Nolan better, and he's much more entertained. He did not have said carseat for the road trip to Orlando, and it was a real struggle coming home.
I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's going to be 1 in less than 4 months. I'm enjoying where we are right now, and I'm kissing those cheeks and squeezing those thighs! Oh, I love this baby!!
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
These Are The Days
My Sweet Boys,
We're living days that you won't remember. And if we're being honest, I'll probably have a hard time remembering them, too. I might not (definitely won't) remember the specifics of each day, but I'm hoping I'll remember how I felt about them. (For the record, I used to have an incredible memory, kiddos, but something about being your mom has changed that.)
There are nights that I lay in bed and think back over our days. I wonder if a different mom would've loved you better or been more patient. I think about the things that made us laugh and sometimes cry. I smile at the dance parties, the books we read 17 times in a row, and the laughing, oh the laughing is the best!
There are days that I really feel like I fail you. That the hugs weren't equal. The smiles weren't plentiful. Or the correction wasn't grace filled. I feel like I need more creativity to make this apartment not feel so small. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to assume everyone else is doing this better.
But on a lot of days, I feel so energized and fulfilled and even confident in this being your Mama thing. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I love spending my time with you. I love being the one to hear new sentences formed, new crawling speeds reached, and new bonds being forged between the two of you. The juggling act is no joke, but it is worth it. You boys are worth it.
Nolan, you are the cutest 2 year old to walk this earth. I absolutely love where you are in your speech development. I say all the time, "I wish I could record Nolan all day, every day." You say the cutest things with the cutest inflections. I often call you our parrot these days. You run so fast with so much enthusiasm. You push me beyond my limits often. But no one dissolves me into a puddle faster than you, my boy, my treasure. You make me laugh until I cry, and you push me to be a better version of myself. I love you forever and ever.
Isaac, there couldn't possibly be a better addition to our family. Something about those baby blues bring me so much joy. I love the way you light up when you see me. You make me feel like the best Mama. You are full of laughter, my sweet boy. You are so happy to explore your world, and I love that about you. When you lay that head of yours on my chest while you suck your thumb, I want to freeze time. You make all of our days better. You are my littlest love, Isaac Dean, and I am so privileged to be your Mama.
Boys, one of my most favorite things about our days right now is watching your relationship develop. Oh, it can be exasperating! Someone is a little more thrilled about their companion than the other. But I pray each night that you guys would be good buddies always. That these early days would be the beginning of a lifelong friendship for you both.
Isaac. Nolan. Some of these days are painfully long. Some of them are so perfect that I want to relive them time and time again. Each new milestone reached reminds me that this season is a quick one. Having two boys reach up for me will not be a problem one day, and I know I'm going to miss it. I'm trying frantically to savor these times because everyone ahead of me tells me to. But reality is, I can't hold every.single.memory. forever. I just can't. No one can. I work very hard to be present in the now, to not worry about what's coming or what's already passed.
I know I won't remember it all, and you won't remember anything at this point. (Sometimes that's totally freeing!!) But like how I'll remember how I felt about these days, one day I hope you remember how you felt. Which I hope is loved, liked, and enjoyed.
Because I love you and enjoy you more than you could possibly know.
I love you, boys. Being your Mama is my greatest joy!
Love,
Mommy
Photo Credit: Becca Stanley
We're living days that you won't remember. And if we're being honest, I'll probably have a hard time remembering them, too. I might not (definitely won't) remember the specifics of each day, but I'm hoping I'll remember how I felt about them. (For the record, I used to have an incredible memory, kiddos, but something about being your mom has changed that.)
There are nights that I lay in bed and think back over our days. I wonder if a different mom would've loved you better or been more patient. I think about the things that made us laugh and sometimes cry. I smile at the dance parties, the books we read 17 times in a row, and the laughing, oh the laughing is the best!
And when I think back over our days, and I cringe at the warp speed in which time is passing, all I'm really hoping for right now is that you know this: you are deeply loved and thoroughly enjoyed. You boys bring so much delight to my days that I have a hard time imagining a better way to spend my time. You don't notice it, but I watch you both when you aren't looking to just relish in each of you being you.
But on a lot of days, I feel so energized and fulfilled and even confident in this being your Mama thing. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I love spending my time with you. I love being the one to hear new sentences formed, new crawling speeds reached, and new bonds being forged between the two of you. The juggling act is no joke, but it is worth it. You boys are worth it.
Isaac, there couldn't possibly be a better addition to our family. Something about those baby blues bring me so much joy. I love the way you light up when you see me. You make me feel like the best Mama. You are full of laughter, my sweet boy. You are so happy to explore your world, and I love that about you. When you lay that head of yours on my chest while you suck your thumb, I want to freeze time. You make all of our days better. You are my littlest love, Isaac Dean, and I am so privileged to be your Mama.
Boys, one of my most favorite things about our days right now is watching your relationship develop. Oh, it can be exasperating! Someone is a little more thrilled about their companion than the other. But I pray each night that you guys would be good buddies always. That these early days would be the beginning of a lifelong friendship for you both.
Isaac. Nolan. Some of these days are painfully long. Some of them are so perfect that I want to relive them time and time again. Each new milestone reached reminds me that this season is a quick one. Having two boys reach up for me will not be a problem one day, and I know I'm going to miss it. I'm trying frantically to savor these times because everyone ahead of me tells me to. But reality is, I can't hold every.single.memory. forever. I just can't. No one can. I work very hard to be present in the now, to not worry about what's coming or what's already passed.
I know I won't remember it all, and you won't remember anything at this point. (Sometimes that's totally freeing!!) But like how I'll remember how I felt about these days, one day I hope you remember how you felt. Which I hope is loved, liked, and enjoyed.
Because I love you and enjoy you more than you could possibly know.
I love you, boys. Being your Mama is my greatest joy!
Love,
Mommy
Photo Credit: Becca Stanley
Monday, November 23, 2015
7 Months
WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
How in the world is my sweet baby 7 months old??
How in the world is my sweet baby 7 months old??
Isaac Dean is crawling. CRAWLING. Once he figured out how to propel himself forward, the crawling happened about 15 minutes later. He is oh so happy with his crawling. It's bittersweet for me. He is just as content as can be crawling all over the place, but he also is not so content being held.
Is this impressive or what? He tends to smear his food as he gets more and more done with his food. So, while a nightly bath used to be optional, they kind of are necessary now. I didn't introduce many new foods since last month. He's had yogurt and puffs. Oh and I made him the avocado/banana puree that Nolan loved. And he's a fan too!
Um. Seriously? This is so rich. This is one of my new favorite pictures of Isaac. He's big, but this is deceptive. He's not that roll-licious. But the yumminess of this picture--mmmm!! I love him!
Isaac often sleeps on his tummy with his booty in the air. Or he also likes to sleep on his side. Both positions I find absolutely adorable.
Oh and Isaac has been sucking his thumb off and on. I much prefer a paci, but this is so.stinkin.cute. He doesn't do it to self soothe. He does it randomly. I don't want this to become a habit, but I find it so ridiculously cute.
This kid is so crazy about his big brother it makes me smile. Isaac is genuinely happy when Nolan so much as looks in his general direction. He absolutely lights up at his brother's attention. Now that he's mobile, he's into all of Nolan's toys. And Nolan is having to adjust. Big time.
Isaac is still nursing, but I can say with a lot of confidence that at his 8 month post, he'll be completely done. He nurses 4 times a day (with supplements as necessary), takes solids 3 times a day, and he gets a bottle before Adam and I go to bed. He's taking 2 2hour naps each day. He typically sleeps 7:30-7:30, and I love everything about his current schedule. Which I can only assume means things are about to get messed up.
Isaac is living up to his name as he is FULL of laughter. He can struggle in the 6:00 hour before bath, but honestly, so can I! :) What a gift this little guy is to our family! I'm so thankful for him and his sweet self. He likes to lean his head into mine when we're facing each other. Come on! That's sweet! I just love everything about him. He's even doing better in the car- yay! Still not a paci sucker- boo!
An 8 month old sounds significantly older to me. So, I'm going to hang onto this 7 month age for the whole 30 days!
Friday, October 30, 2015
Half Birthday!
6 month post just a week late...not too shabby.
Isaac has been here half a year?! WHAT?!?! We're marching ourselves downhill towards his 1st birthday? Man. I can't believe it. But yet I can. When I look at pictures of our family before Isaac was born I ask myself, "What did we do with ourselves before Isaac?"
Isaac is eating solids 3 times a day. And usually, he eats them like a somewhat normal person. He rocks and moves A TON, but he's mostly gets the food off the spoon and swallows. Huge accomplishment. He's eaten bananas, apples, pears, squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, prunes, peaches,and green beans. Up until this point, I was making only some of Isaac's food. I couldn't handle all of the time it takes to have him just spit it out. I don't know how I'll proceed at this point.
The little guy is COMPLETELY DONE WITH HIS SWADDLE. One night I heard weird noises, and I found him facedown while swaddled. That did it for me. Since then he's been completely out of the swaddle and into a sleep sack. The first full night in the sack was R.O.U.G.H. But since then, he's been mostly great. And naps are getting better and better.
I personally want to do a big ol' victory lap, since I've made it to 6 months nursing Isaac. I don't know how much longer I'll keep going. It feels good to have reached this point, and I can't decide when I'll switch to formula. I'm down to 4 feedings a day, and I still pump once at night for a top off before Adam and I go to sleep. I'm eager to be done with that, but we move Isaac from our room to the living room every night before we go to bed. So, when he gets picked up, he immediately starts sucking, ready for the bottle.
Isaac is a crazy good jumper, and he'll happily jump in his jumper the entire time Adam and I workout. Lots of jumping. He also loves to pull hair, roll all over the place, scoot backwards, and get up on all fours and rock back and forth. He's so close to being on the move. Hold me. He LOVES Nolan. LOVES! He's so happy when his brother pays any attention to him. Even if it's just to yell at him.
Isaac, you fill our days with lots of smiles and giggles. Your loving admiration of your brother makes my heart melt. I could kiss you all day every day, and it would never be enough. You are the perfect fit to our family, and I love every inch of your being. Being your mama is one of the greatest joys of my life.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Because Life Is Happening And I Don't Want to Forget
There have been little snippets that have happened lately (and not lately at all), and I absolutely cannot, will not, should not trust my memory to keep them stored away. This brain of mine used to be a steel trap. Not anymore.
:: For my dad's new store dedication dinner, I got dressed in my room while everyone else was out in the living room. I had some make-up on, my hair was down, and I put a dress on (gasp!). When I came out to put shoes on and be ready to go, Nolan was completely captivated by me. His little face had a huge grin, and he just wanted to follow me around, talking about and touching my dress. It was heart melting and adorable. He just couldn't get over it. I hope I'll never forget the smile on his face watching me in those few minutes. (But I obviously will, as previously discussed) Since then, he's asked me to wear a dress several times. Precious.
:: Back when Isaac was still waking up to eat in the middle of the night, he always wanted to be held a little longer than you'd think necessary for the middle of the night. I'd feed him, swaddle him back up, and hold him for a little bit on the couch with the boppy pillow helping me out. Before long, we both would be fast asleep, snuggled into each other. I'd usually wake up about 30 minutes later and put my little nugget down. But those were sweet times.
:: Not too long ago (a month?), Isaac was in his little hammock as I was trying to get things down around the apartment. He was starting to make noise, but he wasn't upset. Nolan walked over to the side of the hammock and started talking very softly to him. He grabbed Isaac's paci and tried repeatedly to get it in (I've mentioned the paci struggles enough). He finally took it, and I hear Nolan say to him, "Good job, Isaac!" Ok. Melt.
:: Issac was crying in his pack'n'play before falling asleep for a nap, and Nolan said, "Aww, Isaac sad. Isaac needs Mommy."
:: As previously mentioned, Isaac is not a snuggler by nature, which is oh so sad for me. But one morning after his nap, he just pressed his cheek to mine and stayed there for 10 minutes as I rocked him in the rocker. I was afraid to move or speak, not wanting to disturb him or give him a reason to move.
:: At bedtime, Nolan gets me and Adam to himself for 2 books, prayer, and a song. We do the praying and singing in his bed with him. It can be such a conflicting time. I'm ready to put a bow on the day and spend time with Adam, but those are some of the sweetest minutes of my day. Lately, Nolan has wanted me to sing "One Thing Remains" at bedtime. Well, when you sing this every night week after week, turns out my little 2 year old learns the words. And Nolan singing along with me is the highlight of my day. When I listen to my toddler singing, "In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of Your great love," I want to cry happy tears. It's just the sweetest. I wish there was a way for us to video it, but we can't without Nolan noticing. I pray and pray and pray I can treasure those times in my heart.
:: Nolan has had some struggles with fear lately. As his mom, it makes me sad and a little concerned. My mom's taught him that when he feels afraid he can say, "Go away, fear!" Which he absolutely does say. That in itself is amazing. But I've also been wanting to teach him that Jesus makes us brave. Even when we don't feel like it, Jesus can make us brave. I've been playing the song You Make Me Brave because 1. I love it, 2. It's "Isaac's song", and 3. I want Nolan to hear those words. We were in the car while that song was playing, and it got to the part where it says, "You make me brave. You make me brave." And Nolan is exclaiming, "Mommy! Mommy! Jesus makes brave! Jesus makes brave!" Cue the tears. I agree with him and pray for his sweet little heart as his whole face is lit up while the song continues. He goes on to say, "Go away, fear. Jesus makes brave!" Amen. Amen. Amen.
:: The look on Isaac's face when Adam walks into the room first thing in the morning after he's eaten-- GOLD!!! The smile can't get bigger. Have I melted enough for one post? Adam's had to wear Isaac the past 4 Sundays while I serve, and is there anything more attractive on my man than his tender care towards our baby while actually wearing our baby? I don't think so.
Gosh, I'm rich. I might live in an apartment that I can easily get annoyed with... I long for a back yard, a front porch, and a fireplace. But honestly, I've got more than I deserve inside these walls. These days are filled with holy happenings.
:: For my dad's new store dedication dinner, I got dressed in my room while everyone else was out in the living room. I had some make-up on, my hair was down, and I put a dress on (gasp!). When I came out to put shoes on and be ready to go, Nolan was completely captivated by me. His little face had a huge grin, and he just wanted to follow me around, talking about and touching my dress. It was heart melting and adorable. He just couldn't get over it. I hope I'll never forget the smile on his face watching me in those few minutes. (But I obviously will, as previously discussed) Since then, he's asked me to wear a dress several times. Precious.
:: Back when Isaac was still waking up to eat in the middle of the night, he always wanted to be held a little longer than you'd think necessary for the middle of the night. I'd feed him, swaddle him back up, and hold him for a little bit on the couch with the boppy pillow helping me out. Before long, we both would be fast asleep, snuggled into each other. I'd usually wake up about 30 minutes later and put my little nugget down. But those were sweet times.
:: Not too long ago (a month?), Isaac was in his little hammock as I was trying to get things down around the apartment. He was starting to make noise, but he wasn't upset. Nolan walked over to the side of the hammock and started talking very softly to him. He grabbed Isaac's paci and tried repeatedly to get it in (I've mentioned the paci struggles enough). He finally took it, and I hear Nolan say to him, "Good job, Isaac!" Ok. Melt.
:: Issac was crying in his pack'n'play before falling asleep for a nap, and Nolan said, "Aww, Isaac sad. Isaac needs Mommy."
:: As previously mentioned, Isaac is not a snuggler by nature, which is oh so sad for me. But one morning after his nap, he just pressed his cheek to mine and stayed there for 10 minutes as I rocked him in the rocker. I was afraid to move or speak, not wanting to disturb him or give him a reason to move.
:: At bedtime, Nolan gets me and Adam to himself for 2 books, prayer, and a song. We do the praying and singing in his bed with him. It can be such a conflicting time. I'm ready to put a bow on the day and spend time with Adam, but those are some of the sweetest minutes of my day. Lately, Nolan has wanted me to sing "One Thing Remains" at bedtime. Well, when you sing this every night week after week, turns out my little 2 year old learns the words. And Nolan singing along with me is the highlight of my day. When I listen to my toddler singing, "In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of Your great love," I want to cry happy tears. It's just the sweetest. I wish there was a way for us to video it, but we can't without Nolan noticing. I pray and pray and pray I can treasure those times in my heart.
:: Nolan has had some struggles with fear lately. As his mom, it makes me sad and a little concerned. My mom's taught him that when he feels afraid he can say, "Go away, fear!" Which he absolutely does say. That in itself is amazing. But I've also been wanting to teach him that Jesus makes us brave. Even when we don't feel like it, Jesus can make us brave. I've been playing the song You Make Me Brave because 1. I love it, 2. It's "Isaac's song", and 3. I want Nolan to hear those words. We were in the car while that song was playing, and it got to the part where it says, "You make me brave. You make me brave." And Nolan is exclaiming, "Mommy! Mommy! Jesus makes brave! Jesus makes brave!" Cue the tears. I agree with him and pray for his sweet little heart as his whole face is lit up while the song continues. He goes on to say, "Go away, fear. Jesus makes brave!" Amen. Amen. Amen.
:: The look on Isaac's face when Adam walks into the room first thing in the morning after he's eaten-- GOLD!!! The smile can't get bigger. Have I melted enough for one post? Adam's had to wear Isaac the past 4 Sundays while I serve, and is there anything more attractive on my man than his tender care towards our baby while actually wearing our baby? I don't think so.
Gosh, I'm rich. I might live in an apartment that I can easily get annoyed with... I long for a back yard, a front porch, and a fireplace. But honestly, I've got more than I deserve inside these walls. These days are filled with holy happenings.
Monday, September 28, 2015
F-I-V-E Months
This is late. But it's because I've been waiting to take Isaac's picture with the bear when we had good sunlight in the apartment. And well, that pretty much hasn't happened in a week.
This guy...he's so stinkin' happy. I don't know how we managed to end up with 2 happy babies, but we have! And I'm grateful! At his 4 month check-up, Isaac was just over 17lbs and 26 inches long, putting him in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Way to go, buddy!!
So, I decided I would introduce solids to Isaac much sooner than I did with Nolan. And not to anyone's surprise, he has not been all that interested. I'm not pushing it because I know eventually he will eat solids. As previously mentioned, I'm not a huge fan of breastfeeding. Isaac apparently very much is!!
Remember how I said I was dreading the process of losing the swaddle? Well, it's been a doozy. I've been at it for a month, and we've made no progress. I'm about to just abandon ship and lose it all together. We're still doing one arm out for 2 out of 3 naps. Those naps are consistently short. My current hunch is that he's going to just have to learn to sleep on his tummy when I lose the swaddle. He's fully swaddled for the big nap and all night.
This guy...he's so stinkin' happy. I don't know how we managed to end up with 2 happy babies, but we have! And I'm grateful! At his 4 month check-up, Isaac was just over 17lbs and 26 inches long, putting him in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Way to go, buddy!!
So, I decided I would introduce solids to Isaac much sooner than I did with Nolan. And not to anyone's surprise, he has not been all that interested. I'm not pushing it because I know eventually he will eat solids. As previously mentioned, I'm not a huge fan of breastfeeding. Isaac apparently very much is!!
Remember how I said I was dreading the process of losing the swaddle? Well, it's been a doozy. I've been at it for a month, and we've made no progress. I'm about to just abandon ship and lose it all together. We're still doing one arm out for 2 out of 3 naps. Those naps are consistently short. My current hunch is that he's going to just have to learn to sleep on his tummy when I lose the swaddle. He's fully swaddled for the big nap and all night.
This sweet nugget has been waking up super early to chat and then head back to sleep until normal people wake up. The wake up usually happens somewhere between 5:42-5:52. It makes us think something is waking him up. On the mornings that he doesn't wake up in that window, I still do wake up. Isn't that fun for me?
Isaac is happy, chatty, and seriously the most delightful little jumper you've ever seen. We got him a jumperoo, and he is so happy in there. He loves to jump while Nolan jumps which leads to a gigglefest. Again, how did we end up with 2 boys that are obsessed with jumping?? Isaac is also into pulling my hair, chomping at his bottom lip, laughing at Nolan, baths, and grabbing whatever he can when he's in the bumbo.
He's not into sleeping with his arm out, being buckled into his carseat, and that's kind of it right now. Man! How lucky am I?!
I know my pictures aren't so great. And it's making me realize that most of the pictures of our kiddos are on Adam's phone. Which isn't a great place for them. I'll backfill with his bear pictures later.
Here's the pictures...
Here's the pictures...
This kid is looking HUGE. The thighs....oh the yummy thighs!
If that's not a beautiful baby, I'm not sure what is.
Yes, they are really brothers. It's hard to tell right now.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Dedicated
Being "mommy" around these parts has been a lot harder the last week or so. Nolan has embodied just about every thing you think of when hearing the phrase "terrible twos." Adam was gone for 3 full days last week, and by Wednesday night, my head actually felt heavier than normal from the exhaustion of all that is toddlerhood. Those who parent alone, I salute you.
I've had some grumpy days myself lately, and I keep trying to take the 2 minutes here and there that I get to myself to really ponder why. Why has this seemed so much harder lately?
The answer is probably still needing some unpacking, but that's what I'm doing now.
Being mommy to Nolan and Isaac has felt all consuming lately. I'm correcting Nolan what feels like all.day.long. He's yelling, "NO!" at me, refusing to obey, and smirking while doing it all. It feels like we've taken a couple steps backwards in a few areas. And man, do I lose my patience with him. I get frustrated and discouraged with his refusal to eat food that he liked 5 minutes ago or his veerrrrry delayed obedience. Desperate to affirm his good behavior, I've been doing a star chart, so I can celebrate all the good and focus less on the not good. But it's been hard to catch him doing the good stuff when the not good stuff seems to overwhelm our days.
And what makes all of this hard is that I'm "all in" in this mommy thing. This is how I spend my days- raising these tiny beings with the hopes that they become little boys who become young men who love Jesus. And the very thing that I'm giving my all to seems to be going not well when my toddler is whining at me all the day long.
One day last week, my parents were over for dinner while Adam was still gone, and Nolan was having an absolute meltdown, refusing to eat. My dad made the comment that they never had one "like this." My brother has made similar comments. And on in the inside I'm thinking, "Probably because you're better at this than I am!!!!"
See, being mom leaves me (maybe everyone) in a place of vulnerability. It's something I desperately want to get right, yet everyone gets to see when it's going wrong.
Yesterday we had the opportunity to dedicate our boys at church. We stood before the congregation and said we would do everything we could to disciple our children at home and raise them to love Jesus. The church committed to coming along side of us and pouring into them and helping us point them to Jesus.
There's so much I want for my children. I want them to be brave and courageous. I want them to be kind and faithful. I want them to be teachable, humble, generous, and honest. But my deepest longing for them is that they would know Jesus. Not know about Him, but that they would know Jesus. That their lives would be forever marked and changed by their relationship with Christ.
The name Nolan means noble (and champion). We want to speak over him that he is good, virtuous, upright, and righteous because of Jesus in his life. The name Isaac means full of laughter. We want to believe that Isaac will be a joy bringer with his laughter and the laughter he causes. I pray these things over my boys often.
As I stood up before the congregation yesterday and publicly dedicated myself to raising these guys in a way that honors the Lord, the task in front of me felt rather large. It felt big again this morning when Nolan was placed in time out for the 2nd time in a very short time span. But I scooped Nolan up, we sat in the chair, and we invited Jesus into our day. That I would be full of grace and patience. And that Nolan would have a heart of obedience. While I did have to put Nolan back in time out again, I trusted that these long mornings of discipline and correction are part of shaping and guiding Nolan.
And hey, maybe I'll do better on the second one! :)
I've had some grumpy days myself lately, and I keep trying to take the 2 minutes here and there that I get to myself to really ponder why. Why has this seemed so much harder lately?
The answer is probably still needing some unpacking, but that's what I'm doing now.
Being mommy to Nolan and Isaac has felt all consuming lately. I'm correcting Nolan what feels like all.day.long. He's yelling, "NO!" at me, refusing to obey, and smirking while doing it all. It feels like we've taken a couple steps backwards in a few areas. And man, do I lose my patience with him. I get frustrated and discouraged with his refusal to eat food that he liked 5 minutes ago or his veerrrrry delayed obedience. Desperate to affirm his good behavior, I've been doing a star chart, so I can celebrate all the good and focus less on the not good. But it's been hard to catch him doing the good stuff when the not good stuff seems to overwhelm our days.
And what makes all of this hard is that I'm "all in" in this mommy thing. This is how I spend my days- raising these tiny beings with the hopes that they become little boys who become young men who love Jesus. And the very thing that I'm giving my all to seems to be going not well when my toddler is whining at me all the day long.
One day last week, my parents were over for dinner while Adam was still gone, and Nolan was having an absolute meltdown, refusing to eat. My dad made the comment that they never had one "like this." My brother has made similar comments. And on in the inside I'm thinking, "Probably because you're better at this than I am!!!!"
See, being mom leaves me (maybe everyone) in a place of vulnerability. It's something I desperately want to get right, yet everyone gets to see when it's going wrong.
Yesterday we had the opportunity to dedicate our boys at church. We stood before the congregation and said we would do everything we could to disciple our children at home and raise them to love Jesus. The church committed to coming along side of us and pouring into them and helping us point them to Jesus.
There's so much I want for my children. I want them to be brave and courageous. I want them to be kind and faithful. I want them to be teachable, humble, generous, and honest. But my deepest longing for them is that they would know Jesus. Not know about Him, but that they would know Jesus. That their lives would be forever marked and changed by their relationship with Christ.
The name Nolan means noble (and champion). We want to speak over him that he is good, virtuous, upright, and righteous because of Jesus in his life. The name Isaac means full of laughter. We want to believe that Isaac will be a joy bringer with his laughter and the laughter he causes. I pray these things over my boys often.
As I stood up before the congregation yesterday and publicly dedicated myself to raising these guys in a way that honors the Lord, the task in front of me felt rather large. It felt big again this morning when Nolan was placed in time out for the 2nd time in a very short time span. But I scooped Nolan up, we sat in the chair, and we invited Jesus into our day. That I would be full of grace and patience. And that Nolan would have a heart of obedience. While I did have to put Nolan back in time out again, I trusted that these long mornings of discipline and correction are part of shaping and guiding Nolan.
And hey, maybe I'll do better on the second one! :)
Monday, August 24, 2015
4 Months Of Isaac Dean
This baby of mine is growing so fast! 4 months old- as in we're already a 1/3 of the way through his first year. HOW?!?!
Our munchkerdoo is sitting in his bumbo like a boss. He's also playing in his exersaucer. He's not super strong in the neck area yet, so it's kind of exhausting for him. But he no longer lays in the hammock for long periods of time because he's so eager to sit up.
This Isaac man is NOT a cuddler. Insert: very, very sad face. I'm hoping there are some Isaac snuggles in my future, but right now, he's far to curious and squirmy. BUT every once in a while, he'll settle into Adam's chest. Insert: annoyed face.
This porky is 16 pounds, and he's wearing 6 month clothes. I haven't been to the doctor for the 4 month well check, so I don't know where he is percentage wise. I do think he's slowed down lately.
Isaac is generally the most laid back and easy going baby ever. But he's been in the thick of a "Wonder Week." They're developmental growth spurts. This one is typically the longest and most disruptive of them all. He's been a little less easy going and his sleeping has been a little more unpredictable. But still nothing worth complaining about. This kid was napping like clockwork prior to this wonder week hitting. It's not quite over yet, so I'm just going with the flow right now. Doing all of this a second time, I usually can tell myself, "It's not a big deal." Sometimes I still let my feathers get ruffled though.
I've started the process of dropping the swaddle. I HATE this process. HATE!! Isaac has been such a great sleeper for the most part that changing things up is a terrifying idea. But he's rolling now, so I know it needs to happen. I keep telling myself that before I know it this too will have passed. He is also in the process of dropping that 4th nap. He takes it a few times a week. He can manage skipping it if I can then get him down for the night close to 7.
Isaac is laughing more and more. He is very ticklish. He loves talking. Oh my goodness, this little boy is a talker! He's got a lot to say, and he doesn't really care who is listening.
Isaac is starting to be awake longer, drool tons, and attempt to be more interactive with the world around him. We are headed towards some serious fun stages, and I love watching him grow and change and come into his own. We see a lot of brother shenanigans in our future! He still however is not great at taking a bottle, keeping a paci in his mouth, or being a pleasant car passenger- not a fan if the car isn't moving.
People thought we were crazy to put our kiddos so close together. But honestly, I can't imagine a better fit for our family. My Isaac Love is precious and a delight. I'm so glad God entrusted him into our care!
Our munchkerdoo is sitting in his bumbo like a boss. He's also playing in his exersaucer. He's not super strong in the neck area yet, so it's kind of exhausting for him. But he no longer lays in the hammock for long periods of time because he's so eager to sit up.
This Isaac man is NOT a cuddler. Insert: very, very sad face. I'm hoping there are some Isaac snuggles in my future, but right now, he's far to curious and squirmy. BUT every once in a while, he'll settle into Adam's chest. Insert: annoyed face.
This porky is 16 pounds, and he's wearing 6 month clothes. I haven't been to the doctor for the 4 month well check, so I don't know where he is percentage wise. I do think he's slowed down lately.
Isaac is generally the most laid back and easy going baby ever. But he's been in the thick of a "Wonder Week." They're developmental growth spurts. This one is typically the longest and most disruptive of them all. He's been a little less easy going and his sleeping has been a little more unpredictable. But still nothing worth complaining about. This kid was napping like clockwork prior to this wonder week hitting. It's not quite over yet, so I'm just going with the flow right now. Doing all of this a second time, I usually can tell myself, "It's not a big deal." Sometimes I still let my feathers get ruffled though.
Oh the chunky baby stage!!
Isaac is laughing more and more. He is very ticklish. He loves talking. Oh my goodness, this little boy is a talker! He's got a lot to say, and he doesn't really care who is listening.
Isaac is starting to be awake longer, drool tons, and attempt to be more interactive with the world around him. We are headed towards some serious fun stages, and I love watching him grow and change and come into his own. We see a lot of brother shenanigans in our future! He still however is not great at taking a bottle, keeping a paci in his mouth, or being a pleasant car passenger- not a fan if the car isn't moving.
People thought we were crazy to put our kiddos so close together. But honestly, I can't imagine a better fit for our family. My Isaac Love is precious and a delight. I'm so glad God entrusted him into our care!
Monday, July 27, 2015
2 Years Old
I find Nolan's monthly updates to be so helpful as I go through this first year with Isaac. But I think there's going to be a day much, much later that I'll enjoy reading these updates about my once little people.
Last week, Nolan turned TWO YEARS OLD!!! We are all done with the baby years. I may have been a little sad about this the night before his 2nd birthday. Shocker.
Nolan's favorites foods: hotdogs, Chick-fil-a grilled nuggets, meatballs, watermelon, blueberries, oatmeal, tater tots, and a variety of cookies.
Nolan takes 1 afternoon nap that lasts 2-3 hours. He goes to sleep between 7:30-8:00. When he wakes up in the morning varies, but he stays in his crib until 8 happily.
Some of my favorite things that Nolan says:
Nonee (Nolan)
No Nank a new (No thank you)
Happy Day (Happy Birthday or any celebratory day)
Watch lions (his way of asking to watch Lion King)
Isaac mad (kindly lets me know this whenever Isaac is crying)
Nonee's song (Nolan's song which is Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin)
Nolan's favorite things to do: jump off the ottoman, play with his cars, line his cars up, race his cars, play soccer, play basketball, run anywhere and everywhere, and play with Ryann and Alee.
Nolan is so expressive, so energetic, and so happy. He does clam up in front of a crowd or new people. He's started to string more and more words together. But I honestly love the way he talks right now. He's so cute with his broken english.
Nolan is so much fun. Though he has his fair share of time outs for being disobedient, this 2 year old stage is usually hilarious. He makes me laugh so much everyday. I love him so much and love being his mom. I can't imagine the fun this 3rd year will bring.
Last week, Nolan turned TWO YEARS OLD!!! We are all done with the baby years. I may have been a little sad about this the night before his 2nd birthday. Shocker.
Nolan's favorites foods: hotdogs, Chick-fil-a grilled nuggets, meatballs, watermelon, blueberries, oatmeal, tater tots, and a variety of cookies.
Nolan takes 1 afternoon nap that lasts 2-3 hours. He goes to sleep between 7:30-8:00. When he wakes up in the morning varies, but he stays in his crib until 8 happily.
Some of my favorite things that Nolan says:
Nonee (Nolan)
No Nank a new (No thank you)
Happy Day (Happy Birthday or any celebratory day)
Watch lions (his way of asking to watch Lion King)
Isaac mad (kindly lets me know this whenever Isaac is crying)
Nonee's song (Nolan's song which is Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin)
Nolan's favorite things to do: jump off the ottoman, play with his cars, line his cars up, race his cars, play soccer, play basketball, run anywhere and everywhere, and play with Ryann and Alee.
Nolan is so expressive, so energetic, and so happy. He does clam up in front of a crowd or new people. He's started to string more and more words together. But I honestly love the way he talks right now. He's so cute with his broken english.
Nolan weighs 29 pounds and is 35 1/2 inches tall. He's in the 75th percentile for height and the 55th percentile for weight. Which is interesting. He feels really heavy; I would've guessed those percentiles to be switched.
This little boy loves books, is obsessed with diggers and tractors, and still thinks the zoo is the bees knees. He'd watch Lion King or Kung Fu Panda everyday if I let him. His new favorite thing is taking a bath with Isaac, which is utterly adorable.
Nolan is seriously irresistible. Everywhere we go people comment on his amazing curls. It's crazy that he didn't have them a year ago. Thankfully, he still has some yummy cheeks on him.
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