1 Year

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since our wedding day. I feel completely uninspired to say anything profound about our first year of marriage. 

But it's been good. Really, really good.

We celebrated yesterday, and while at dinner we were talking about things that surprised us within our first year of marriage. Like the fact that we didn't really have any explosive fights like we thought we would. And that living with a boy/girl wasn't weird at all. 

I still thoroughly enjoy spending time with Adam. I love his companionship, and I think it's crazy awesome that I get to come home to him each day. I've only grown fonder of him and have more respect for him. 

Not to completely romanticize this year-- we certainly had times of tension. We had our fair share of selfish moments and realizing how that impacts each other. We've cried through some hard times and watched our bank accounts drop rapidly with only 1 of us working. 

But we've also celebrated God's provision in our marriage over and over and over again. We've celebrated our differences and rejoiced that we aren't the same!! One of me is enough. 

The ups and downs are all part of what I call a really, really good first year of marriage. 

As I waited for my team to take the floor on Saturday for their first competition, I looked in the stands at my husband, wearing our team shirt and easily the loudest one there. I knew he didn't have to be there. I knew he didn't actually want to be there. But he was there. Because he is my biggest fan. My loudest cheerleader. My faithful support system.

I've loved being married to Adam, and I am forever grateful he's mine. 

Jobs

I've done such a great job of the whole thankfulness thing...

Today, I'm thankful that Adam and I both have jobs. I have a job where I get to work with small children and high schoolers. Adam has a job where he's affirmed, loved, and wanted. We're both in good places. 

But it's because of these jobs that we were able to go to Portland last week just because. Just because we wanted to get away and enjoy a time out. 

And we definitely did. Have I mentioned that I love the Hampton Inn?? Because I do so very much. Staying there for the weekend was so great. Several times throughout the weekend I thought or said out loud, "I could work here!" 

Besides the obvious enjoyment of the Hampton, we enjoyed great food, lots of laughing, and the luxury of completely shutting down from work. It. was. awesome.

And we went to this awesome waterfall. 

My cute husband has a beard! :) 

Despite my inclinations to complain about aspects of my job or the ways it's plain exhausting, I'm so blessed to be able to enjoy a weekend away with my favorite person. 

Obviously

I don't really have the energy to post much (any?) content.

But, today, I'm thankful for this face. 

And this one.

I'm so thankful for these girls. I'm so glad Anthony and Erin didn't wait until having kids was "convenient" because I never want to go back to a day without Ryann or Alee. 

I miss them somethin' fierce. 

I'm thankful for their smiles. Their hugs. Their giggles. 
I'm thankful for every bit of both of them. 

Parents

Today, I'm thankful for my parents. 

I'm thankful for their love, their care, and their marriage. As I watch a few of my students struggle, already, with broken homes and constantly bouncing from his house to her house to Grandma's house, I'm so grateful that my parents have a strong marriage. That they still hold hands. And they still serve each other and believe the best. I'm thankful that I got to hear them argue when I was a kid, so I could see that marriage is hard work and not perfect. 

I'm thankful that they made family vacations a priority. I love the memories I have with my siblings and the home videos to go along with them. I know this was a sacrifice, but I so appreciate it. But we all can laugh when we think about playing cards in Costa Rica, Kara's constant need to shop in Hawaii, or all of us learning to snowboard in Tahoe.

I'm thankful for the confidence they cultivated in me regarding Whose I am, by always pointing me towards Truth. 

I'm so thankful God gave me the parents He did. 

Also, growing up in, on, and around Chick-fil-A my entire life-- totally awesome!!

Thankful

People who have time will be blogging all month about 30 different things they're thankful for- 1 for each day of the month. I'm going to be realistic here and know that I won't be signing in every day. It's November 2nd anyway, right?

But I do want to be sure to choose in to this season of thankfulness and be intentional. Perhaps a gratitude tree in my house would be a good idea. 

Anyways.

Today, I'm thankful for my husband. 

I'm thankful that he kills spiders and cleans toilets. 
I'm thankful that he can usually make me laugh despite how exhausted I am from my day.
I'm thankful for his songwriting and singing abilities. They are some of his hidden talents. 
I'm thankful that he plays with my hair and hugs me close every morning. 
I'm thankful that he's competitive and playful. Loving and forgiving. 

I'm thankful for this man I'm doing life with. I value his leadership. I love his insights (usually). And I cannot picture life without his companionship. 

I Struggle

I've been married for almost 11 months now. Which, yes, seems crazy! Wasn't our wedding like last month? Nope. 

It's been more than 10 months.

And I'd say one of the consistent struggles for me as a married woman has been in this tension of wanting to do everything I can to make life easier and better for Adam yet feeling like my weeks are so jam packed that it's all overwhelming. He hates laundry, so naturally, I'll do that. He really doesn't like to cook anything other than omelets, so duh! I enjoy cooking; I'll do that. Ironing? Sure! 

I can remember after going back to work, I had this conversation/confession time with Adam where I admitted that this wasn't easy. Teaching full time. Coaching. And all that those responsibilities entail. Plus trying to do all the housework I was doing in the summer. It felt impossible. And I just wanted him to know. I even said, "I don't need anything to change; I just want you to know that I'm definitely adjusting. This is hard." 

Because surely good wives can do it all, and they probably do it in cute clothes without a hair falling out of place. 

And I can do my best to serve with joy and gladness, but can I be honest? I get plain cranky sometimes. 

Important Interjection: Adam DOES do housework. He cleans the bathrooms like a champ. He refers to the vacuum as his own personal possession because he uses it more than I do, with great enjoyment I might add. 

But there are moments (days?) when I want to cry, "Can't you see that I'm working really hard to make your life at least 10x better than it's ever been before??" 

And you know how unfair that is to Adam? So unfair. 

Because am I not the one who has repeatedly told Adam that I can do this? I can make this all work. And I want to so badly. But some weeks just don't look as pretty as others. 

And I know it's not my cooking or cleaning or ironing that makes Adam's life better than it's ever been before. Just like my life isn't better because he pays the bills on time, takes care of appliance problems, and makes sure my oil is changed.  

But man, do I struggle sometimes- feeling like I'm doing everything I can, yet it's just never enough. Not because of anything Adam is saying, but simply because the expectations I've placed on myself are so beyond realistic. 

I'm sure there are women who can manage to work full time and do it all, even while making it look easy. I'm just not there yet. Probably won't be there ever, as my natural self is not what you would call tidy! 

So. There's my confession for the day. 




  

Still On My Mind And In My Heart

Dear Haiti,

It's been 4 months since we were in your mind boggling land, and I still think about you regularly. When I'm quick to complain about the rain and dropping temperatures, I think back to your dry land and fruitless crops, and I quickly silence my complaints. 

It's getting cooler here. Sometimes, Adam wants to turn the heat on, but I work really hard to convince him otherwise. After all, the inside of our house does not look like this:

When I flip through my pictures, I'm reminded of just how rich my life is. I'm reminded that by God's grace alone I grew up with parents that loved the Lord and loved each other. I've always had food to eat and schools to go to. And Christian schools, at that! I've never lacked for water, much less clean water. My husband and I have excess money every. month. We live in a world of abundance.

But you don't. 

And I haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten the stories I heard. Or the people I met. Some of your names are starting to slip from my memory, but your faces are sealed in my heart and in my mind. 

But mostly, my mind goes to you every time I mention the word, "hope." Because, let me tell you, my 1 week visit kind of did a number on my understanding of hope. I had never been in such a hopeless place. My little brain could only dub this place, "impossible." But I know, with confidence, there is hope for you, Haiti. 

Your hope, my hope, can be found in nothing less than Jesus Christ. Because Jesus' story is one of redemption. Of turning ashes into something beautiful. Of bringing a glorious Kingdom out of desolate ruins. And we get to be part of Jesus' story. He uses the broken to bring His glory.

I'm still praying for you, and I'm ready to come back. Hopefully in the spring! 

- Marissa 

Time Is Flying!

When a part of your day is labeled, "calendar," you can't help but notice the days just passing by.  

In our staff meeting yesterday, we started talking about parent-teacher conferences. I thought to myself, "You have got to be kidding me." Is it really time already to start preparing for those?!

Last weekend my parents generously and ever so lovingly flew me to Orlando to experience Disney with my family. There had previously been talk of them going last February, and I was severely bummed to know that I would miss out.    I only get 2 personal days a year, and I used both of them for our wedding. Missing school to go to Disney would just not be an option.

Thankfully, they ended up picking a time when I could go too. We've already missed 2 Disney trips with Adam's family, and both times we'd wonder about what they were doing, who they were seeing, and what rides had been conquered. We never have enough time with our family, so I loved every second of being with them, though it was brief.

Thursday night I pleaded with Adam to come with me. I was trying so hard to convince him to miss work on Friday and come with me to Orlando. I like to think he was torn about the decision. And I wasn't just begging him to come because of the whole- I all of the sudden hate flying alone- thing. I just wanted him with us. 

But as Adam was praying for me before I got out of the car at the airport, something he prayed resonated in my heart and leaving felt the least difficult so far [In case anyone wondered, last time I had to fly solo (back in August), it did not go well...]. 

And the hardest part about leaving on Sunday morning was saying bye to that undeniably cute Ryann Grace. Every time I leave my family, my heart aches a little more. I don't get to come home for Thanksgiving. I won't see them at Christmas, and it's just hard. 

I started my- maybe we should move back across the country- chat with Adam. Which we have just as often as we have the- should we buy a house here- chat. So...clearly we're conflicted! But today during staff devotions I was challenged to focus on what God is doing as opposed to what He isn't doing. Because what He isn't doing is making it clear that we should move overseas or move back to the Southeast. In fact, what He is doing is leading us to be more present in our current community. 

So, we continue to be intentional about loving our neighbor. I'm trying to stay all here, but part of me didn't come back from Disney. 

  
I have some great pictures, but I will upload those another day. 

One of my favorite Disney moments (there were LOTS) was Ryann's unstoppable giggle while we were on the teacups. She exclaimed at one point, "I've never done this before!" All while laughing uncontrollably. 

Also- she went on Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain. Come on! That's impressive! 

Extra $20?

Do you have an extra $20 each month that you often ask yourself, "What should I do with this?" 

I have an idea.

You should sponsor a child through SMI Haiti. Just $20 a month sends the child to school, which includes- uniform, supplies, tuition, books, and UP TO 4 MEALS A WEEK.

Visit smihaiti.org then click 'donate.' And then click 'sponsor a child.' 

We sponsored a little guy last week, and then as I've kept checking the website to see if more kids are being added, guess who I found! Our little dude who would run around with no underwear, so proud of his light up shoes. So, we snagged him today. 

I know about 4 people read my blog, but if anyone actually goes and checks this out, the kids in green uniforms had sponsors last year and their sponsors didn't renew for the upcoming year. Our naked foot stomper fell in that category. The ones not in green uniforms are going to be first timers to school.

Think about it. Pray about it. And then do it. 

Going to school guarantees them a few meals, an adult showing positive, loving attention, and an education. This is life giving for these children in Haiti! 

Love Your Neighbor

It has been a week! 

Teaching preschool may sound super easy, and maybe it is compared to everything else. If that's the case, I'm not cut out to teach anything else. 

Between all of the chaos of getting back in the swing of things at school, I've continued to think through the message from Sunday. Our pastor, along with one of the branch pastors, spoke on Jeremiah 29:5-7.

Our church is casting vision for the next several years, it's the 20/20 vision that will hopefully be a reality in 2020. See what they did there? 

But the big push is for us as a church to not follow a messenger. But that we're about the message. That we not become spectators. But we're participants. As I've mentioned multiple times, the senior pastor is a really great teacher/preacher. And in order to maintain the health of the church, it's imperative that we're not about following him. 

On Sunday, these pastors shared about the necessity of being present in the community. That our precise location is a place where we are called to be. Called to be more than space-fillers. The other dude talked about how him and his wife lived in a condo for two years and never painted a single wall because they knew it was temporary. At this moment, Adam and I looked at each other with a knowing look. 

We've had this conversation before. I think my parents even witnessed it. 

What's the point? We're going to move one day. We'll only have to paint it back. Blah, blah, blah. 

But as we continue to make steps towards not putting roots down here, we're cutting off opportunities to be present right where we are. No, painting or not painting our walls makes no difference in the kingdom. But our mentality of what this place, this season, this time is can have a difference. We can be missing opportunities to point people to Jesus.

They said repeatedly, "Wherever you are, be all there." Which is originally a Jim Elliot quote. And I can tell you this, I'm not all here. I'm a little bit here. A little bit in Georgia. A little bit in North Carolina. A little bit overseas. I'm a little spread out. And I can only imagine that plays a part in my lack of deep, meaningful relationships here. When part of me is ready to jet in a moment's notice, it makes it hard for the other part of me to really connect with the people who are in my life right now. 

But this isn't just a holding cell. 

Or. I don't want it to be. 

The thing is, we go to church in Seattle. We live in Bothell. The people we see on a regular basis, are not the people we see at church. And if we're talking about really loving our neighbor and being present with our community, then we need to look a little closer. 

As they were talking on Sunday, I thought about where Adam and I currently live. Adam refers to it as Sesame Street because we have so. many. kids. on our street. On any given afternoon, there will be at least 4-8 kids out playing together. 

For someone who feels more at ease with kids than peers, I should find this to be an ideal location to love my neighbor. How hard is it to hang out with kids? How much easier to get to know the people we live around when there's kids everywhere! Because I'll be honest, we refer to our literal neighbor, the door right next to ours as, "Creepo." Probably not doing such a good job loving that neighbor. 

So, we gave it a try this week. One evening, when there were kids out playing, Adam and I just went and hung out outside. We already knew one little boy. But we met 2 more. And you know what? It feels weird at first. You wonder if people think you're the creep. But I know we have to start somewhere. 

We can't keep residing here and not living here. 

We (read: I) can't look ahead to what God may have for us down the road and miss the opportunities here. My friend that led our Haiti trip texted me and told me they wanted us to pray about moving to Haiti next fall for a year with them.  I wanted to respond with a committed, "YES!" Adam looked at me and said, "Don't even think about it!" I'm quick to want to abandon this ship, and I know it's preventing me from stewarding this time well.

So, I do want to do a better job of loving my neighbor. I want to be present in our community. I want to be participating with the Body, not spectating. 

Quick Update

We're in transition, yet again. In new territory, yet again. 

For the first time since we've been married, Adam's working full time, and I've got my full work schedule plus my coaching demands. Not to mention, Adam is training the CP football team twice a week. We're figuring it out. 

This is an exhausting part of the school year, as my classes and I are still figuring each other out. My team is definitely keeping me on my toes. This results in a very tired Marissa on most days of the week.

Last week, Adam talked to me about how he wanted us to balance our weekends to be productive yet relaxing, and to not let this season of our lives pass us by without taking advantage of it. 

I think we embodied that balance this weekend. Lots of laundry, some wood chopping, a movie watched, a date night, and a great time hiking this afternoon. Church was really great and thought provoking this morning, and I have a whole different post for that.

As we're approaching the 9 month marker of marriage for us, we keep remembering where we were at last year at this time. It's usually accompanied with heavy sighs and comments like, "I'm so glad we're married now." I don't think I could ever say it enough; I'm so thankful for my husband. 

Even though everything about where we live isn't ideal, we do live in a beautiful city that provides lots of parks and places to explore. 

We know that fall is coming, and that means the rain is coming, too. So we have to take full advantage of our last few weeks of basically perfect weather.

It was a good weekend. Not to mention (but definitely worth mentioning), my nieces and sister in-law made me a video, and I will watch it everyday this week because I miss them like crazy. 

Ding! Round 3!!

And just like that the chaos of school is back in my life. Getting to the school around 7. Getting home around 6. The first week was exhausting. To top it off, we had an away football game on Friday and a 4 hour practice on Saturday. What crazy coach planned that?!

My preschoolers look tinier than they did last year. The sixth graders definitely look smaller. The beginning of the year takes so much effort to establish our routine and make my expectations clear. And I’m at this place where I’m asking, “Did I really sign myself up for another year of this?” 

When parents find out this is my third year, they seem to have some confidence in my abilities as a teacher. Thinking, “Surely if she was terrible at this, they wouldn’t ask her back for a third year.” I’m operating on the same assumption, people.  

One of my preschoolers has special needs and requires a personal aide in the classroom. Upon learning about this, I had a minor panic attack. What if they find out I have zero formal training in early childhood education? What if they asked for my “professional” input regarding his progress? What if the aide reported back to the parents that their child is, in fact, in the care of a crazy person? What if, what if, what if? 

When I expressed my concerns to my lead teacher who has like 3 degrees (seriously, she’s got 2 undergrads and a masters and 30+ years of experience), she told me she was confident that this little boy was placed in the right classroom. I stared back at her unconvinced. 

And so, I’m looking to the Source to fill me to overflowing with love, patience, kindness, and gentleness. I’m trusting that He will fill in all the gaps along the way, and we’re going to have a wonderful year together.

On the way back from our football game, my team was on this little bus, exhausted from the week/day, but they were having a great time. They started singing worship songs together, and in that moment, I was 100% confident that I was right where I was supposed to be. As I coach these girls- their hearts included- I’m grateful for the opportunities to point them to Jesus and speak Truth over their lives. I’m grateful for my senior leadership who know the importance of leaving a legacy. I’m grateful that it’s only September, and I have 6 months ahead of me with this team. 

As I stood at church yesterday, I once again was filled to the brim with thankfulness that God has positioned me to have this team entrusted into my care. To have these preschoolers in my classroom. To have this school year to be a person of influence in all the students’ lives that I work with. And I hope I steward it well. 

Isaac

Today, as I sit in my classroom, my thoughts are in Haiti. There's so much that needs to happen before our Back to School Night on Tuesday. I don't even want to get into that. 

But I keep thinking of my friends in Haiti.

If you've seen a weather report, you know that Tropical Storm Isaac is gaining strength, predicted to be a hurricane by tomorrow, and is on track to hit Haiti. Other Caribbean islands will also have to face the downpours, the gusting winds, and the mudslides. But Haiti has barely recovered from the earthquake in 2010. There's still thousands of people living in tents. 

And all I can think of are my friends in Nawash and Guitton who barely have a roof over their heads. 

I know God is so much bigger than this storm, and I'm asking for His power to be made known in this storm and His mercy to be shown to these people. 

So Long, Summer!

Today feels like my very last day of summer. 

I fly out tomorrow for a choreography job in San Francisco, and I come back Sunday night. And I report for duty on Monday. Ding! Round 3 is about to begin.

I'm kind of ready. Kind of not.

I almost didn't take this choreography job because I knew it was happening on my final summer weekend, and I would be flying without Adam again. I remember being on the phone with the coach, and very intentionally thinking, "Do I want to put myself through the process of flying solo?" But I knew I couldn't make this a fear based decision, so I agreed to it. 

Guess who's already regretting it? 

Not just because I've already put hours of prep work into their routine, but I just don't want to go. 

As I sat down to read my Bible yesterday and journal, I knew that I needed to deal with this mounting fear and anxiety going on in my heart. 

When my brother and his family were headed this way, I checked their flight status repeatedly, so nervous that something would happen to them on their way out here. When my sister was on her way here, I read a very thorough report on the plane crashes of the last 10 years (which, there have been very, very few fatal plane crashes in the U.S. recently, in case you were wondering). 

After the shooting in Colorado, I could scare so easily. One afternoon, I was running on the treadmill in our complex. I was the only one in the room, and a man in a uniform came in and walked out. I was keenly aware of him, and when he was headed back towards the work out room, I literally jumped off the treadmill and walked out. Talk about a scaredy cat?! Completely irrational. 

I was talking to Adam about all of it and going so far to say that I might need to see a counselor if things didn't get better soon. Because the fear was almost crippling. It was definitely influencing my decisions, and I hated it. 

But I've known that the root of the issue is in my heart. Because I know this world is broken. And I know horrible, awful things happen. Things that are completely out of my control. And they always will be. And the thought of something happening to Adam can send me into tears faster than I like to admit (like...right now!). As much as I desire a long, healthy life with him, we're not guaranteed that. And it can be downright terrifying. 

But it doesn't have to be. 

And I don't have to be bound by fear or half live life in hopes of avoiding trauma. Because that's not really living, anyways.

Because I know the Author of my story. I know that come what may in this life, He promises to be faithful and good and enough. If my faith is real, and I believe God is who He says He is, then I must live life fully surrendered to Him. Because living in fear doesn't add a single day to my life. I don't get to rely on myself or Adam, but I must fully trust my Creator and Sustainer. Wholly entrusting my life to Him.

And when I say that I want God to be glorified in my life, I don't get to put clauses on that statement. I don't get to decide what would most accomplish His name being magnified in my life. 

In the moments when my thoughts are wrapped up in fear, I mentally picture myself looking at those things and turning away from them to put my eyes on Jesus.  It usually helps. But man, is it a process! 

I remember when I was flying home for Easter over a year ago, and my flight was awful. We were flying through storms, and you could see lightning outside the windows. I was tense the whole time. So, like always, I put in my headphones to listen to worship music, and I started journaling. And I remember writing the words, "If I perish, I perish." I had done the good ol' Beth Moore Bible study on Esther twice already. Knowing that God is always perfectly capable of the rescue, but He doesn't always choose that. 

And I still know this to be true. 

As I've been asking the Lord to forgive me, help me, and lead me, I know that I must take active steps in choosing to trust God with my deepest desires and longings. To keep my hands open before Him, not clinging to the things I hold most dear. I must keep my eyes on Him. Knowing His ways aren't my ways. And joyfully serving Him wholeheartedly all the days of my life. 

Birthday Blessings

I had some really low expectations for my birthday this year. Last year, Adam and I were at the beach with my family, and it was awesome! It was the perfect combination of things I love: Adam, family, the beach, and Moe's. Which, I haven't had Moe's since then, which is sad. But I remember having a dance party with Adam, Kara, and Ryann and thinking, "This is the best way to celebrate a birthday!" 

Naturally, this year was going to look very different. Adam would be at work. My family at home. Not at the beach. And no Moe's in the state of Washington. 

We've had lots of family come visit us lately, and each time they were here, I tried to think of it as part of my birthday celebration. My in-laws definitely celebrated my birthday while they were here, and it was wonderful. We had some yummy meals, got lots of fresh fruit, and they got me a pair of much needed boots, along with some other treats! Still...leading up to the day of, I didn't have high hopes. 

But. I. Was. Wrong.

My friend and fellow coach took me to breakfast, and I LOVE going out for breakfast. It was so tasty. This will be her second year coaching the JV team, and our relationship has definitely shifted from a working necessity to a fun friendship. She also got me a super awesome North Face backpack. She told me it was a rite of passage to living in the Northwest. 

I then had a playdate with one of my adorable preschoolers from last year. She and I had a great year together, and she started asking me back in November if she could come over to my house. We had ice cream, went to 2 parks, a pet store, and made a quick treat stop at Target. It was so much fun. When I took her home, I got to visit with her mom, whom I love, for an hour. Being on summer vacation has been great, but I've missed these families very much!

By the time I got home, Adam arrived just minutes after me. And I got to open the presents that had arrived via mail. Birthday cards from the grandparents and aunts. I got an awesome hair straightener that has fixed my crazy hair that got a lot more wavy after cutting 6+ inches off! 

My parents gave me a tiger striped cardigan that I would never buy for myself because of it cost more than $20 and therefore more than I would pay, but I LOVE IT! Tigers are kind of my theme with my cheer team, and I will definitely be wearing this to our first competition! Along with it came some really fun jewelry to dress up my pretty basic work wardrobe, a gift card to get some jeans, and an envelope that said, "Open last." In it was a check and a note. My mom explained that the check was an investment in our future, and that they believe in us and God's call on our lives. And the money was to go towards saving for an adoption. 

Adam said, "Aw, are you going to cry?" I was until he said that. This was one of the most meaningful gifts. I know most parents believe in their kids, but it felt so loving and so affirming to have my parents know my heart in this way and sow into that desire. I don't know when the process will happen, but it encouraged my heart in unspeakable ways to have my parents rooting us on in our journey. 

From there my sweet husband took us to dinner and to ride the ferris wheel, as previously stated. He then told me that I needed to pack because we were going to Olympic National Park for the weekend. 

The weekend was pretty much perfect. I loved adventuring with my husband. I loved being away for the weekend. We commented over and over and over again about how thankful we were to be together in the gorgeous surroundings of Olympic. 

This was one of the best birthdays ever! 

A Day Well Celebrated

I'll post content some time soon, but I had a great birthday yesterday. I was highly skeptical as to how the day would turn out, but it ended up being a really special day. Much of the greatness is not documented. But here's a glimpse of part of the day.

This is what I came down stairs to when I woke up yesterday morning.

This is an Office reference. Adam told me that he couldn't be as creative as me when it comes to birthday signs, but he knew he could be funny. Yes. Yes, he can.

We went to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants for dinner. Because I could eat chips and salsa everyday for the rest of my life and be happy. Then we headed downtown.

To experience this for the first time.

While the sun was going down. It was BEAUTIFUL! And the weather during this Seattle summer continues to be perfect!

So beautiful!

No birthday is complete without cake, candles, and singing. 

It was a great day! Lots of special, unexpected treats. More on that to come. But Adam continues to be one of the greatest gifts God has given me.

Awakened

Haiti provided several new awarenesses. Like, the excessive amounts of food that gets wasted and thrown away. We often pause before throwing things away, asking ourselves, "Can we use this in some way?" Because I think of those precious faces of our friends who scarfed down peanut butter tortillas- our leftovers.


Or as I'm doing loads of laundry. My first inclination is to complain about how tiny my washer is, hence the number of loads I have to do. But then as I fold, iron, and put away our clothes, I'm kind of embarrassed at the quantity of our clothes. I mean, honestly, we have enough t-shirts to dress the country of Haiti. Yes, an exaggeration, but you get the idea. 


As I flew from Miami to Dallas on our 3 part journey back to Seattle, I was listening to my ipod and journaling. The song, Awakening, came on. I sat there and listened to the words. And prayed. Asking the Lord to awaken our hearts. My heart. For the world. That His will would be done in me. I prayed that Haiti would be awakened. That out of the darkness would come a Light, just like the rising sun. 


And since Haiti, my heart for adoption has been awakened, yet again. Over a year ago, I posted about adoption. To be honest, I don't remember what provoked it. Or everything I said. Just that I felt strongly that adoption was for me. And at that point it was just me. Now, it's us. 


Since returning, I've spent hours researching, reading blogs, and thinking through it all. I go in circles in my thought process. Asking myself, "Are we too young?" Because people still ask if I'm in high school. But people wouldn't say I was too young if I was pregnant. "Can we afford the process?" Probably not. But I wholly trust God to be faithful. "Can I handle the heartache of the possible missteps, the waiting, etc?" Surely not on my own. 


We've heard so many times to enjoy these times because we'll never get them back. No kids, two jobs, and a carefree life. Nothing holding us down- no house payment, no debt. We're living large, right? All that changes when you add kids to the mix. And I admit, it was nice to just pack up and go to Haiti for a week. [We even said how grateful we were for that liberty.] In fact, we've heard, "Wait, wait, wait," so many times that surely it's wisdom, right? Jesus didn't start ministry until He was 30. Maybe that's a good age to start parenting. 


There's got to be a reason that some countries require you to be married for 5 years, even 10 years before adopting. Because it's hard. And it's serious. These kids have already seen unbelievable brokenness. The last thing these adoption agencies want is for these kids to be placed in a different devastating experience. 


And I'm left confused about it all. Because I thought part of following Jesus was dying to yourself and living out a sacrificial love. Which contradicts the "live carefree and enjoy the simplicity of your life" advice we keep getting. Ya, we can be living sacrificially in a different way. There are plenty of ways we can practice dying to ourselves. I'm not saying adoption/parenting is the only way for us to be those things right now. 


I've been reading through the numerous places in the Bible that talks about the poor and the fatherless. I've read about how God has given us a spirit of adoption by calling us His sons and daughters through Jesus. No longer a slave but a child of the most high God. We now have an inheritance because we have been adopted into His Kingdom. 


It's powerful. And I'm still working through it, wanting to grasp my own adoption through Christ. 


What I can't deny is the way my heart is stirred for "the least of these." The way I'm so drawn to adoption, and I'm convinced it's part of our calling. I know it'll never be convenient or easy. But I'm so willing and eager to see God move in the "impossible" of it all. I'm prayerfully asking God to guide our hearts and order our steps. Not wanting to rush ahead or be lulled into a comfortable lifestyle. I don't know what's best. 


But I want to be completely surrender to what God has for us, fully aware that it could look nothing like I imagine it. And I keep my eyes fixed on Him. 


"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." Psalm 82:3






  

So, So Good For My Heart

7 days never felt so fast!


My brother, sister-in-law, and two nieces came for a whole week. NO ONE has ever come to visit for an entire week. But you gotta figure, flying 4.5 hours each direction with a 4 year old and a 9 month old, you have to stay for a week. 


Back in March, when my brother sent me a copy of the flight receipt, I nearly cried to find out that all 4 of them were going to make the journey out here. I know all of the arguments. "It makes more sense for you and Adam to come East." Or, "You'll be able to see so many people." Or, "There's only two of you as opposed to 3, 4, 5, etc, of us." Which, I totally get. 


But it's incredibly meaningful when people choose to enter into our world. Because when we go home, we're pulled so many directions to try to visit everyone, spend equal amounts of time with two families, and somehow, we leave feeling like we didn't get quality time with anyone. 


But for 7 days, my house was filled with laughter, endless babbling from Ryann,   and the chaos of 6 people sleeping in a small, 2 bedroom apartment. I loved that we didn't all fit comfortably. I loved getting up at 7 to make sure I could spend as much time as possible with my family. I loved the hours upon hours in the car, the sharing of meals, the new experiences, and the concentrated time with them. I'm so thankful that Adam is even more connected to them now. And I'm so thankful they got a glimpse into our lives. 


We are the recipients of a lot of generosity. But perhaps the best way to love us right now is the visiting. It's not always easy being so far from home and so far from family. There are days when I very much long to be within driving distance of our families. When we miss birthdays, recitals, graduations, and family gatherings, we certainly feel the cost of living out here. 


But for one whole week, I got to live life with family near by, as in, under my roof. It was wonderful. And refreshing. And very, very fun. 


Ryann would often stop and say, "Blue! I love you!" And she would just go on with her previous activity. I'll miss her slipping her hand in mine. I'll miss Alee's little tongue sticking out when she's really happy. I'll miss Anthony and Erin's banter, and their unbelievable ability to jam pack a week with adventures. 


My parents gifted this trip, in theory, to Anthony for graduating from seminary. But really, it was a priceless gift to me. An extravagant outpouring of love by enabling quality time with family that I never see enough of. For a week of near constant companionship. For new memories with my adorable nieces. For an opportunity to further embrace Adam in our family. 


The past 7 days were so good for my heart. 

It's the Little Things in Life...

There's some stuff from Haiti that was really heavy and really sad. And those images and stories will stay with us. But there was also some really funny events, and Adam and I frequently talk about those. 


We lived on a compound while we were there. SMI built a really big house for teams to stay in when they come. The Guitton school is within the compound walls, and there's also a basketball goal and soccer goals. They play soccer a lot. And they often play barefoot. On rocks. It looks so painful.


Anyways, there's lots of open space for these kids to come hang out with us while we're there. One evening in particular, the kids were crazy! I mean, kids everywhere and running around like circus performers. The sun was well on its way down, we had already eaten dinner, and the whole team went back out to hang with these attention starved kids. 


There were two boys in particular, running around uncontrollably, with NO pants and NO underwear. Just a long t-shirt and their sneakers. Adam chased and chased them, and he got tired long before they did. They were probably 3 or 4 years old. And they. were. trouble. 

That's the little boy- rocking the same type of outfit. Long t-shirt, but no pants and no underwear. Note: this picture is from a different day and inside the school. 


So, after Adam gave up, chasing these 2 energizer bunnies (more like monkeys!), I started playing with them. They love to be chased. Love to never be caught. But at one point this little guy, yanked on my arm. 


I looked down at him, and he stood there with his legs shoulder width apart, picked up his right leg, and slammed it down. Then he very proudly, pointed down at this shoe. Which just happened to be a light up shoe. So, naturally, the little red lights were flashing. And a smug grin filled this guys face. 


Of course, I praised his awesome shoes, which I then realized, only the 1 still lit up. But I watched him go person after person, pulling the same stunt. Leg slam, point, and nod. He knew he had awesome shoes. 


I smiled because my preschoolers do their own version of showing off their light up shoes (genius invention- by the way!). 


To this day, Adam and I will occasionally stomp our own foot and point down at our shoe. Because it was so cute when he did it. And SO dramatic. And he took such delight in his one light up shoe. I wish that I could give him a pair of light up shoes that actually fit. That both shoes actually lit up. But I know he's thrilled with the one he has. And that challenges me to be content and glad with what I have.